Every week, I ask Women the Same 20 Questions, Here's what I've Learned...

Over the last 10 months, I’ve asked over 300 women of all ages the same 20 questions (anonymously); here’s what I’ve learned…based on the third set of questions.

WOMEN UNDER 20

SPEND: time with their best friends.

KNOW: that they are loved.

DREAM OF: having it all.

QUESTION: their career paths.

SEEK: direction and guidance.

WOMEN IN THEIR 20s

SPEND: time dating and in situationships.

KNOW: everything happens for a reason.

DREAM OF: being great at what they do.

QUESTION: themselves.

SEEK: external validation (especially from family/friends).

WOMEN IN THEIR 30s

SPEND: time in nature & money on travel.

KNOW: women have a right to bodily autonomy.

DREAM OF: being a great mother.

QUESTION: their ability to choose the right partner.

SEEK: emotional intelligence.

WOMEN IN THEIR 40s

SPEND: time with their children.

KNOW: their worth.

DREAM OF: leaving a positive impact on the world.

QUESTION: their parenting.

SEEK: passion, desire & solitude.

WOMEN IN THEIR 50s

SPEND: time focusing on their health/well-being.

KNOW: nothing is guaranteed, and everything is subject to change.

DREAM OF: pursuing creative passions.

QUESTION: whether or not they have done everything they have wanted to.

SEEK: authenticity.

WOMEN IN THEIR 60s

SPEND: time forgiving themselves and others.

KNOW: everything always works out.

DREAM OF: what is possible for the next generation.

QUESTION: if they were good enough parents.

SEEK: peace.

Setting the tone.

Women are most reliant on their morning routines, cherishing the sacred quiet time before the world stirs awake. These moments, whether spent sipping a carefully brewed coffee, a frothy matcha, or a spiced chai latte, set the tone for the day ahead. It’s not just about the drink—it’s about the ritual, the stillness, and finding solace in the warmth of their mugs and the peace of solitude. Mornings are less about rushing and more about grounding, a necessary act of self-care before they pour into everyone else. So, despite what all of the old, white, finance dudes say about budgeting, buy the latte…it is one of the things our happiness is most reliant on.

Sobriety.

More women than in the previous two sets of questions wrote about their sobriety, sharing that it was the best decision they have ever made and how sobriety allowed them to reclaim their time, energy, and sense of self. For many, it wasn’t just about quitting alcohol; it was about choosing themselves over habits that no longer served them.

Turn off the phones.

Over 60% of women wish they were less reliant on technology – namely social media platforms. One woman (who worked in social media management) noted that, despite it being her job, she wished she could “throw her phone off a cliff.” Women of all ages echoed this sentiment, saying they would rather be in nature or even in…silence (gasp).

Turn on the charm.

When asked about their romantic non-negotiables, women ranked them in a clear order: chemistry, communication, respect for all women (not just their partner), and honesty. Chemistry and being compatible in the bedroom seem to be the undeniable pull that makes a connection feel romantic. However, beyond attraction, effective communication is essential, ensuring that women feel heard, understood, and emotionally secure. Respect for all women mattered deeply, as they sought a partner whose values aligned with theirs, someone who viewed women as equals in all spheres. And finally, honesty is a more predictable non-negotiable – women desire a foundation of trust that allows love to thrive without doubt or deception.

Consciously coupled.

Women who answered this set of questions seemed most satisfied with their partners, touting relationships that were reciprocal, supportive, and equal. In the year 2025, women are seemingly making more conscious decisions about whom they choose to be legally bound to. Perhaps we really are settling less and selecting more wisely?

Intentionally independent.

In this set of questions, many women expressed genuine happiness in being single, embracing their independence, and the freedom to focus on themselves. Rather than viewing singleness as a waiting period, they saw it as a time of growth, self-discovery, and deep contentment in their own company. This marks a shift from the first set of questions, completed nearly a year ago, when most single women prioritized finding a partner above all else. Perhaps it’s the current political climate, the widening gap between men and women, or the realization that life can be just as—if not more—fulfilling when lived independently.

Everything happens for a reason…we think.

In this third set of questions, over 80% of women expressed a deep belief in destiny, trusting that everything happens for a reason. Many shared personal experiences that affirmed this belief, citing moments where life unfolded in ways they hadn’t expected but ultimately worked out for the best. They have seen evidence that even challenges serve a purpose, leading them to exactly where they are meant to be. This trust in life’s greater plan brings them a sense of peace, allowing them to move forward with confidence, knowing that things will always fall into place.

We can forgive, but we won’t forget (and we don’t want to).

Many women in this set of questions expressed a strong belief in the power of forgiveness, sharing that they have forgiven most, if not all, who have wronged them. However, they are firm in their stance that forgiveness does not require forgetting. They have allowed themselves to grieve those relationships, acknowledging the pain while choosing to release resentment. Yet, for many, forgiveness is about personal peace—not reconciliation—and they have no intention of reopening doors that were meant to stay closed.

Our bodies, our choices.

Women fundamentally disagree with legislation surrounding their bodies, feeling that decisions about their health, autonomy, and choices should remain in their hands, not dictated by others. Many are frustrated by laws that seek to control their reproductive rights and reject the idea that men should have any say in these matters. It’s a matter of bodily autonomy and respect, as well as the belief that the voices of women, not outside influences, should lead these conversations.

When we grow up, we want to be…everything.

Women envision a future where they are overall happy, but for the modern woman, happiness means living a dynamic, well-rounded life. It’s about balancing fulfilling careers, nurturing families, maintaining good health, building wealth, and staying passionate. We no longer view happiness as a singular achievement, but rather as a harmonious blend of personal and professional growth, where all aspects of life are nurtured and celebrated.

Astrology by the numbers: how well was your sun sign represented?

Virgo, Taurus: 12

Aries: 11

Scorpio, Gemini, Cancer: 10

Leo, Capricorn: 8

Aquarius: 6

Pisces, Libra: 4

Sagittarius: 3

(two women did not share their astrological signs)

In the end, the stories and sentiments shared by women across these various stages of life remind us that happiness, growth, and fulfillment are multi-faceted and ever-evolving.

Whether it's the sacred quiet of a morning ritual, the freedom found in sobriety, or the peace that comes with forgiveness and self-reliance, women are embracing their power to make choices that reflect their true selves. They are increasingly prioritizing their well-being, autonomy, and independence while also cultivating deep connections with others.

And as we navigate the complexities of life—from love and career to body autonomy and self-acceptance—one thing is clear: the journey to happiness is not a one-size-fits-all path, but one that is shaped by intention, self-awareness, and the courage to live authentically.

As always, I am in awe of the women who volunteer their time, energy, and lived experiences to contribute to this project.

Thank you to the readers, the subscribers, the commentors, the volunteers, and the supporters. Thank you to this community. Thank you to women - I LOVE YOU ALL.

A new set of TLD HER: 20 Questions is dropping this afternoon. Cheers to the next 100!

xoxo,

Devyn