#360. OCD, deserving love & sitting with the discomfort

Age: 30

Relationship Status: Single and attempting to date - it’s rough out there

Occupation: Lifecycle Manager for a sex toy company

Income: 77k/year

Astrological Sign: Aries Sun, Leo Moon and Sagittarius Rising

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

I would probably use it to work out in an ideal world, but let’s be real, I’d just end up scrolling on TikTok.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

My therapist recently told me, “ The discomfort is temporary, but the regret could be forever.” I have pretty bad OCD, and sometimes I don’t put myself out there enough, so I use this as a way to push past the discomfort.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

Don’t send the text! I need closure, and sometimes I get that closure when I send the text.

When have you felt most supported?

I went through a lot of health issues recently, and my coworkers were so supportive when I needed to take a step back and focus on my health.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

I’m avoiding coming to terms that the person I thought liked me doesn’t actually respect or like me.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

Ugh no! I have a huge fear of throwing up (hello OCD), and I’m trying to work through it in therapy.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

To let myself feel my feelings more! Cry or be angry when I need to.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

That I will always support my friends! I will always champion and cheer on my friends whenever they need it.

How do you cope with stress?

I love getting in my car, turning my music up really loud, and just singing my heart out. Scream-singing All Too Well (the 10-minute version) is very therapeutic. I also play this sorting game on my phone that just lets me turn my brain off, which helps a lot.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

When I finally reached out to my family when I was really struggling with my health and needed help. I have a really hard time asking others for help, and this was a big moment for me; finally admitting I couldn’t keep doing this alone.

How do you celebrate yourself?

By buying myself little things I’ve been wanting. It may not be the best strategy financially, but it brings me joy, and I think that’s what’s most important, especially right now.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

I’m a huge people pleaser, and I feel like I have to do everything I can to earn people’s attention. Like, if I do everything in my power, people will actually like me.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

I like to think it’s romantic love (hopeless romantic over here), but that is quickly diminishing in the current dating world.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

This happens all the time. I don’t think I can pinpoint one specific thing.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

God, there is so much! I tend to jump the gun when overly anxious or frustrated. There are many times I wished I had just sat in the discomfort and not said exactly what was on my mind.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Being true to myself means sticking to what I value the most in life and in people. I can sometimes stray away from that, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that when I stick to those values and boundaries, I’m way happier.

It also means spending a good chunk of money each month to be a “natural” redhead, because I believe that is the true version of me, and something got messed up along the way (haha).

When do you feel in control?

As I’ve mentioned, I have OCD, so rarely do I feel truly in control, especially these days.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I deserve to find the kind of love that doesn’t make me question anything about myself.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I have a very adorable 5-year-old cat who brings me so much joy and happiness, even when life and the world feel so out of control.