#357. listening to your body, positive self-talk & leaving the world a slightly better place

Age: 38

Relationship Status: Single for 3 years now

Occupation: I was a carer for people with disabilities and an art teacher (but unemployed now because of fibromyalgia and ME)

Income: Disability benefit, very low.

Astrological Sign: Aries

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

The one thing I have as a disabled person is time, since I’ve been unable to work. It’s energy, and being pain-free, that I lack. But if I could get those things back for one hour each day, I would go running, take a dance class, or play with my niece and nephew. That would bring me so much joy!

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

My therapist has given me so much good advice over the years, I can’t even begin to share it all! I feel very grateful that I’ve had the chance to go to therapy; it changed a lot of things for me. Some of my friends are also very wise.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

I can’t remember, because I didn’t listen.

When have you felt most accepted?

Being around my friends and family. I feel loved and completely accepted when I’m around them. My circle is small, but so lovely, and I am very thankful.

When have you felt most supported?

I suck at asking for help (but love giving it). So, it always surprises me that, when I ask someone close to me for help, they’re so happy to be able to do something for me for a change. I always forget that the joy I experience when I can help someone is the same joy others experience when they are able to help me. After 38 years, I still need to remind myself so often that I DON’T have to do it all by myself.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

Asking for help.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

Well, this year, I stopped working and finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t go on the way I had for 18 years. And, aside from the financial difficulties, I am so glad I finally took the time to look after myself properly. My nervous system was completely haywire from ignoring the messages my body had been screaming at me for years. I’m gentle with myself, I nourish my mind and my body, and I’m the real me again, not the overstressed, burnt-out version I’d been for so long.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

In the beginning of 2025, I promised myself that I would try one more time to work (I was in a special governmental internship for people who have difficulty working due to disability), but if this job didn’t work out, I wouldn’t force myself again.

I’ve been sick since I was 20, so my whole adult life. I’ve gone beyond my physical limits in every single job I’ve had (even the ones I’ve loved doing very much).

This is the year I would make myself and my quality of life my priority. And I did.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

To be there for them, any time of day or night, and I do mean that literally. I value my friendships very highly and would go to the ends of the earth for the friends I have.

How do you cope with stress?

Stress is a huge pain trigger for me, so I’m very careful to avoid stress when possible. In previous jobs, but also relationships, I’d always go out of the house to be in nature. Walking, cycling, just sitting down somewhere green and watching nature calms me down like nothing else. That and listening to music.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

When I ring the doorbell at my brother’s house, my niece and nephew will drop what they’re doing wherever they are in the house and come running to throw themselves in my arms. Their love is so pure and innocent, and I’m so proud of being deserving of that love. Those moments are golden.

How do you celebrate yourself?

I am very gentle in the way I talk to myself in my head. I know a lot of people who struggle with seriously negative self-talk, and I am glad I’ve never done that. It’s no small feat in today’s world full of expectations to be gentle with yourself.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

The right to be heard in a job-related context. Because of my chronic illnesses, I’ve always felt I was less than my coworkers in some weird way. Like I had to overcompensate for my lack of energy/strength. I’ve also done so many different jobs because I never found one I could maintain, so I always had to start anew at the bottom of the ladder.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

I strongly believe everyone is inherently worthy of empathy and love, including myself.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

I thought I wouldn’t be fit enough to go to art class and take up painting again. I tried one lesson, and now it’s become a highlight of my week!

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Nothing I can think of right now. I’m rather careful with my words (I suck at fighting and am working on expressing anger in therapy!), so I never just blurt things out that could hurt someone.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Listening when your body and your nervous system tell you things. I had to learn the hard way about work-life balance. When it comes to other people, I trust my gut instincts, and they never lead me astray. People show you who they are by their actions, and you should trust those over their words.

When do you feel in control?

Most of the time, really. I’m a pretty positive and calm person (luckily!) and over the years have become rather accepting about most things in my life.

When do you feel out of control?

When my pain levels are really high and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. Or when someone I love is in pain. The state of the world right now is also frightening me.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

It’s my aim to leave the world a slightly better place when I eventually leave it again.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

The sun is always shining. Even if you can’t see her, the knowledge that she is behind those stormy grey skies, shining her heart out, gives me comfort.