#358. dance classes, dementia & having a plan

Age: 27

Relationship Status: Taken

Occupation: Admin/Marketing

Income: 60k

Astrological Sign: Scorpio sun/Gemini moon & rising

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

I would like to go to the gym or join a dance class. I’ve been slacking the past 6 months because of relocation and working two jobs, so I haven’t had the time to take care of myself physically.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

“You’re not too old.” I want to start over in my career and dive into something else, but I have put it off because I feel it would be a waste of time. My godmother told me it’s definitely not too late, and 27 is certainly not old. I just feel like everyone seems they have everything together, whereas I’m kind of lost in the motions of work and not progressing.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

“Don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine.” In certain situations, this would be great, because I'm definitely an overthinker. In this context, though, it was about spending and partying, which got me into some credit card debt. Thankfully, I paid it all off now, but I do think having a plan or being mindful and present in your own life is key. It’s good to have fun, but not every other day.

When have you felt most accepted?

When my best friend has seen the best and the worst of me, and still continues to love and be there for me. I’m also very thankful to have a few people I can call good, long-term friends who I can confide in, and I know they don’t judge me for my choices. Sucks that most of them are long distance, like we’re just experiencing life together but apart, if you know what I mean.

When have you felt most supported?

I would say when my mom stepped up and we became closer due to my dad having dementia. They broke up when I was 5. I had lived with my dad throughout the years and wasn’t as close to my mom. I would see her every few months, but our personalities are polar opposites. I’m too emotional, while she is very hmm, I don’t know how to put it. It’s just that we didn’t get along like that. At college, I would call my dad every other day, but with her, it would be once or twice a month, that might sum it up. But ever since my dad’s condition got worse, we became closer and more like best friends. I can now talk to her about anything. I think she probably felt she needed to fill that role for me because my dad is not himself anymore.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

I avoid talking to my dad, which I feel bad about at times. It’s just calling and seeing his condition, him not remembering I exist, not knowing who I am; it breaks my heart. It feels like I am abandoning him, but I don’t know what to do, so I try to block this whole thing out of my head, or else I feel really down and sad.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I can’t think of anything on the top of my head, but I’ve always wanted to sing at a karaoke bar! I might need to do it soon. I enjoy singing, but just get hot/cold flashes when it’s in front of people I don’t know.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

That I will be genuine to my own feelings. I don’t feel like I have to be friends with everyone or for everyone to like me. I’m who I am, and I’m nice to each and every person, but not everyone will click, and that’s ok. I don’t like forcing anything or kissing ass. I’ll be nice, but I won’t ask you out for lunch (haha).

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

I don’t have a specific one I can think of, actually. I don’t like making false promises or disappointing people, so I don’t really make them. I’m a super indecisive person, and I don’t want someone to hold a promise over me.  

How do you cope with stress?

I catch up with my close friends, call them and talk to them, or aside from that, I go eat some good food at nice restaurants. Nothing some good food can’t fix!

What is a moment you are most proud of?

I would say when I moved across the world. I had always wanted to try living in a different country, and I did so without having a job or anything lined up. Everything has worked out so far, not the best, but I’m doing alright in my third year.

How do you celebrate yourself?

I think good thoughts and say affirmations to myself so that I know I’ve come far already and will continue to go far. I also like looking put together and taking my time with my makeup on days I want to pamper myself.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Damn, this is a tough one. I always felt I had to earn my mother’s love. It didn’t really feel like she loved me like she loves my younger brother. Now it’s gotten better, but it’s always been a deep-rooted issue of mine. I tried to be the perfect child, got the best grades, and did everything I should, but I felt like it was just another Monday to her.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

All the good things in life, I’m not talking about money and all the material stuff, but rather about good karma. Having good people in my life and the love from friends and family.  

When was the last time you changed your mind?

When I moved states, and now I’m going to move back after 5 months. I mean, it’s due to relationship issues, too, but I did change my mind about going back.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

The times I’ve wasted not visiting my dad during college, before his condition started. I wish I had spent more time with him when he was still himself. I miss his quirks, his laugh, his awkwardness —haha —he’s such a character. I also miss having him there to ask for advice in life, because I admire him so much.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Understanding your feelings and thoughts, having core values and boundaries in place, and acting in accordance with them. Sometimes I feel this is seen as a negative thing, but to me, you could be true to yourself and still be a nice person. It’s just you won’t go out of your way to do something you’re uncomfortable with or bend over backwards for people if they don’t align with who you are inside.

When do you feel in control?

When I can anticipate what’s going to come next. I’m always the one making trip itineraries, grocery lists, and things like that. I like it when I have a plan. It can be for tomorrow or a year from now; it gives me comfort, for some reason. Even if it gets delayed or the plans change, I don’t mind—I just want to have a plan.

When do you feel out of control?

When I don’t have any set direction or plan, I feel like I’m just existing and I need to be doing something….I either make another to-do list or find something to be occupied with, like writing down my budget, checking all my bank accounts, I kind of like finding myself a headache or challenge.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I will make the most out of it!