Age: 27
Relationship Status: Single, never even had a boyfriend (does 7th grade count?).
Occupation: Fourth grade teacher
Income: Hoping for 47k next year. I do lots of random jobs on the side for money which earn me a couple thousand extra a year.
What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Of course, check my phone. Oof - I can’t remember the last time I did anything else! In the summer, I could be on my phone all day mindlessly scrolling.
Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?
Not that I can recall. Maybe very briefly, but probably not.
What is your most repetitive, negative thought?
It’s too hard to narrow down just one. Here are a couple:
I will end up alone for the rest of my life because of my weight.
I will never know the joys of having children.
(I actually cry about these more than I would like to admit).
What is your most repetitive, positive thought?
I have accomplished so much on my own - I am so independent.
What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?
Most adults still don’t know what the heck they're doing. I thought everyone automatically had their shit together once they became an adult. There’s still so much to learn… will it ever stop?!?! Oh, and another thing is that I still need my mom. I call her all the time. She is my best friend.
What are three things you want to put every woman onto?
1. Read your Bible, girl. :)
2. If you struggle like I do with body image, the Podcast “Call Her Holy”
3. Can’t think of a third… dang it!
Rank the following from most to least important:
money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).
Love, money, food, laughter, sex
How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood?
My relationship with my mom has continued to grow; she is my best friend. I actually even had my first anxiety attack a few months ago, thinking about no longer having her with me. All it took was reading a poem about losing your mom, and I completely lost it. She is my rock and my foundation.
It’s a little different with my dad. I know he’s there for me but he’s a little more distracted. He doesn’t really engage much with me which hurts a little bit. As a young girl, he used to cuddle me, buy me Valentine’s Day gifts, and made me feel so loved and protected. As a woman, it’s different. Some girls have the privilege of receiving the same type of love in adulthood and unfortunately, I am not one of those girls.
When do you feel most like yourself?
Probably when I am with my friend from high school. I can say whatever I want and truly feel like I have nothing to hide. She makes me feel funny and laughs at the same things I do. It’s so refreshing.
What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?
Two things:
1). I am proud of you.
2). This one has a story with it. I was the biggest girl in the bridal party at my brother’s wedding. I hated how I looked standing next to the prettier and thinner girls. I sucked in everything I could and tried to hide behind my flowers when taking pictures. After the pictures, my uncle looked at me like a father would look at his daughter and said that I “was the prettiest girl up there.” I don’t think he knew how much I needed and appreciated that.
How do you feel about falling in love?
I want to experience this, and I feel sick to my stomach, thinking that it will never happen to me.
What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?
“It will happen when you stop looking for it.” It’s so cliche and cringy. People - please stop saying this!!!
How often do you feel alone?
I love being alone. It’s how I recharge my battery!
But… feeling alone is different. I feel alone often. At the end of the day, everyone goes home to their families. They eat dinner together, watch movies together, and experience life together. I go home to an empty house. There’s a song that I was immediately drawn to. It’s called “Alone” by Jon Caryl, and it pretty much sums it all up.
What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?
Love. Whether it’s through God, a parent, teacher, spouse, or child. Everyone deserves to feel loved, seen, and truly known.
What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?
Never feeling good enough. It sucks.
What is the best decision you’ve ever made?
Probably buying my house in 2021. I was making like 33k/year at the time and didn’t think I could ever buy a house making so little. I worked my ass off to save money for years, and it eventually paid off. I bought a house, and I am still so damn proud of myself.
When do you feel most at ease?
When I’m at my parents house. In a way, I feel like a kid again. I can eat their food and lounge on the couch like I used to. When I’m there, I don’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders… even if it’s temporary. As soon as I leave, my life flips back into reality and I get thrown back into the world of adulthood. And yes, at 27, life is still scary sometimes without your parents.
What does having a successful life mean to you?
There are really two things that I have deeply desired, even since I was a little girl. I deeply desire to have a loving husband, someone that helps me raise a few Jesus-lovin’ babies. I want to be in a loving family. I want to be a wife and mom. SO bad. For me, this is what it means to be successful. This is my fear - that I will never feel 100% fulfillment in life because I have not been blessed with the two things that I want most. Ugh. It constantly eats at me, and I can’t change it, no matter how hard I try.
How often do you think about your body?
Can I get a little deep here? I can’t remember a day that I haven’t criticized my body. I started getting a little chubby when I was 7-8 years old. And there have been times when people have not been nice to me because of it. When I was around 9-10, I was going to a friend’s house, and I still remember her saying to me, “No offense, but you’re kinda chubby.” I laughed and said, “Yeah I know.” I was TEN. And it hurt. Another time in high school, my “friend” called me fat to her friend when we were in a fight. A few years later, I was talking to a guy from a dating app (eye roll) when he said, “You are pretty, but if you lost a few lbs, you would be hot.” Are you seeing where this is going? I’m not done yet! But I’ll end it here: I was going on dates with my friend's brother for a couple months when I was 24. When I felt it was going well, I asked if he had any reservations about anything (thinking he would say something about his ex or… idk ANYTHING else!). Guess what this motherfucker said??? He said my WEIGHT. Yeah. I needed therapy for that one. I think I could write a book? Sooooo… back to the question. How often do you think about your body? All the time. Everyday. And it’s exhausting. I’m exhausted…
When do you ask for help?
I hate asking for help. I am so stubborn. But I’ve asked my mom for help a handful of times when I needed financial help. And she has helped me without a question each time. I love her so much.
What is something you feel strongly about?
I know God has a plan for me. My favorite Bible verse is Romans 8:28: God will work ALL things for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. I know God will take care of me in the end.
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