#9. modern love, MBA's & changing the world for the better

Age: 35

Relationship Status:  engaged!!!!

Occupation:  COO/Cofounder      

Income:  $150,000/yr

Astrological Sign: Cap sun, Gemini rising, Scorpio Moon

What is the first thing you do when you wake up? 

Groan about whichever part of my body is the most sore, then rollover and snuggle with my fiancé while we both catch up on our phones. Modern. Romance.

Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When? 

Genuine fulfillment has come in waves at different points in my life. Very often, it’s something as simple as sitting in a park, having a picnic with some of my best friends, drinking wine, and enjoying the sunshine. There’s nothing better to me.

As I’ve come into my mid-30s, I feel like I have these moments more and more, and I am confident in saying that right now, I feel genuinely fulfilled all of the time. It’s been a combination of a lot of work on myself – therapy, physical and mental challenges via choices I’ve made, the friendships I’ve been able to make and sustain, and meeting my now fiancé. I don’t want to say that this exists without stress or hardships; but to me, feeling fulfilled means that I feel confident that no matter what comes at me, I’ll come out the other side because of all of the love and support I have in my life.

What is your most repetitive, negative thought? 

Body image mental comments/criticisms.

What is your most repetitive, positive thought? 

I deserve to be in every room I walk into (metaphorical or literal).

What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood? 

The price of rugs and frames. What a racket.

What are three things you want to put every woman onto? 

1. Financial literacy & investing! We are constantly told that women aren’t good with money, finance is such a bro thing, but women retire with $400,000 less than men and we live longer. The smartest thing you can do in your 20s is contribute to a 401k, an HSA, and start investing in the market.

2. Strength training. There’s a similar narrative for women that if we lift heavy, we’ll get bulky – it’s just not the way it works. There are SO MANY benefits – easier/better childbirth, bone density as we get older, posture, etc. And it’s so empowering to feel strong.

3. Sarah J Maas. It’s trendy and it’s booktok and it’s 100% escapism but smutty fantasy novels are really just the best. Who knew men with wings would do it for ya but trust me they will.

Rank the following from most to least important:

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).

damn this is hard. Love, laughter, food, sex, money.

How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood? 

Realizing that they are also adults who make and have made choices has been helpful in navigating how I show up and how much I give to the relationships I have with my parents. I definitely feel very close to most of my parents (I have four), and the ability to recognize now what’s their shit they’re projecting on me and what I’ve internalized/might react to has helped me disassociate a bit in a way that allows us to have a much better relationship if that makes sense. Things don’t trigger me as much, and I try and take things more at face value.

When do you feel most like yourself? 

This has historically been a really hard question for me. I am someone who grew up needing to learn how to adapt to my environment, how to read the moods of others, and how to match them. There are so many different versions of me, and I love a lot of them.

I would say it’s probably surrounded by friends/my siblings who have known me for a while, and just shooting the shit.

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you? 

That I have a voice like imperial silk.

How do you feel about falling in love? 

It’s the fucking best. I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend since college – my relationships were 3-4 months long, I was on apps for sooo long, had so many situationships, as the kids say. I got to a point where I was like – I have such a good life, I have so many amazing friends, I have a great career, why not just lean into that? And I deleted the apps and lived my life for a while. Instant happiness increase and I think the attitude of being open to new experiences and not evaluating any interaction with a guy as a potential partner is what let me meet my fiancé when I did. I remember saying to my therapist when I was at the end of another three-month ‘thing’ that I didn’t even know if I knew what love was because it had been so long since I’d actually felt that way about someone, and then it was literally love at first sight, and I’ve never been happier or more sure about someone.

What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

That women don’t negotiate, and that’s why we get paid less. It’s absolutely just not true. Women negotiate at similar rates – they just don’t get the raises.

How often do you feel alone? 

Right now, very rarely. I feel alone when I need serious girl time because all of my best friends don’t live where I do. And it’s the loneliness where texting would be too much effort, but you need someone to just come over and be there in person. I’m simultaneously grateful for and hate social media because it lets you ‘feel’ connected and current with people's lives but almost negates real-life catchups.

What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime? 

The absolute joy of eating a pizza in Italy. And the overwhelming security that comes with finding out who you really are and what you really want and value.

What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

A life without friends, empathy, curiosity, and french fries.

What is the best decision you’ve ever made? 

I went to attend a fundraiser in NYC because that’s where I met the woman who would introduce me to my fiancé. (I know, I’m brutal, but we literally just got engaged; I can’t stop.)

In all seriousness, I would say going to get my MBA in London. Because the above story is cute but that feels more like invisible strings than an actual autonomous choice. Going to LBS changed the trajectory of my life in so many positive, incredible ways, and I would do it over and over and over again if I could.

When do you feel most at ease? 

In the kitchen. At a picnic. In the boxing ring.

What does having a successful life mean to you? 

Growing up, I always said I wanted to build an empire. Lately, I’m defining my empire by the positive impact I am able to have on the lives of others. I want to know that I changed the world for the better.

How often do you think about your body? 

Daily. It’s an ongoing battle. I like to think that the split now is 65% focusing on my training and injuries vs the 35% of being upset about how I look, but I know it’s something I’ll always struggle with. Affirmations helped a ton, working with a nutritional coach helped, therapy!! Helped. It’s hard. And I hate that it’s something that still plagues me.

When do you ask for help? 

Capricorn/eldest daughter/founder. What is this help you speak of?

What is something you feel strongly about?

Childcare is a public good.

BONUS: Tell me something good. 

Turtles can breathe through their butts.