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#70. silk sheets, celibacy & breaking generational cycles

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 22

Relationship Status: currently single and trying to get back into the dating scene after being almost 3 years celibate - it is hard to date and not be looked at as an object when you are a pretty, young, intelligent, strong-willed female....

Occupation: Insurance Broker

Income: Never enough, always wanting more.

Astrological Sign: Capricorn and Aquarius Cusp. Aquarius Sun, Scorpio Rising, and Moon in Aries (I had to look this up, and have no clue what it means...)

(P.S. The following are my very true, deep feelings and I realized that there are a lot of things I need to unwrap with my therapist)

 

What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

I recently have started to wake up at 5am and workout or move my body in some way, and it has truly made a difference in my mood.

 

Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?

I feel genuine fulfillment when I see others happy, especially those I love most. There is something about seeing someone radiate complete and utter happiness. It will bring chills to my skin, and tears to my eyes. My heart tingles with joy, I feel lighter, and everything seems brighter. It's a wonderful feeling that I hope everyone feels for those around them - we need more happiness in the world!

 

What is your most repetitive, negative thought?

As I get older and time moves faster, I tend to catch myself constantly thinking about how I must break generational cycles from my family, and within that thought, brings a lot of resentment towards my family - that I am hyper-aware of - I wish I never had the generational family trauma so that this thought did not consume me.

 

What is your most repetitive, positive thought?

“I am very successful, given how young I am” I have been in the Insurance industry for almost 5 years (Yes, I got into insurance right out of High School). I did not know a single soul when going into the industry, but I busted my ass and made sure I truly devoted every waking moment to making a name for myself in this male-dominated field. I am blessed and thank myself every day for where I am - I truly am in this position in life because of me and only me.

 

What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?

There is no timeline to life. There is no rule book to life. You are not behind in life just because you are grinding, socializing, traveling, etc. and your friends are married with 2 kids and a house with a white picket fence. Wherever you are right now, is where you were meant to be. “If you were meant to be there, you would not be here.”

 

What are three things you want to put every woman onto?

  1. Learn to be alone - It's one of the best things I have taught myself. Allowing yourself to have so much stability within your being feels powerful.

  2. Get yourself a bidet, you can buy inexpensive ones on Amazon - they are wonderful, and you will thank yourself.

  3. Silk sheets, silk bonnet - No staticky hair, healthier looking skin, keeps you cool - So many benefits.

 

Rank the following from most to least important:

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).

Laughter, Love, Sex, money, food.


I laugh often, I enjoy keeping most things lighthearted. I seek humor in everything and nothing beats a belly laugh with some joyous tears. Love and sex are pretty lateral in my book, they go hand in hand with the other. I love to work, and money is a huge motivator, but at the end of the day if it were Laughter/Love/Sex and living paycheck to paycheck versus having wealth but no laughter/love/sex - Life would not be worth it to me. When it comes to food, I am not a super experimental eater, so I tend to eat the same couple of things, food is just one of those things that I have to do to stay alive.

 

How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood?

As I have gotten older, I have started to grasp that my mom did what she could, with what resources she had. I resented her for a long time because of how she handled situations and treated me in certain circumstances, but she was a young girl in her late teens, trying to figure out life by herself (father is not in the picture), with 2 babies. She never got to grow up, she is just now healing herself from things. However, I fear that I will start the resentment process over again when I have kids - I had such a great grandma growing up and I don't think my mom will be the type of grandma to my kids, that I had growing up, and it makes me insanely sad. My relationship with my mom is forever evolving, I think we are both healing each other in a way.

 

When do you feel most like yourself?

I recently got off birth control, and I feel as if I have rediscovered myself. I am actually such a sensitive, nurturing, soft, gentle woman. Birth control caused me to feel like a zombie, but I had no idea because I had been on it since I was 15 years old, so I can't even remember what I used to be like before that, but I do remember feeling very ‘desensitized’ while on it. Feels like a breath of fresh air, I feel like I am relearning how to be a girl, and it's one of the most refreshing things to experience.

 

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?

“No matter how bad someone does you, you always have the purest heart and kindest soul” - I remember taking this negatively at first and really wanted to change that about myself, but then as time went on, I hold that compliment with pride. I do want to be remembered for my kindness, for showing up, or giving second chances, for loving selflessly. Life is too short not to.

 

How do you feel about falling in love?

I love, love. I love watching those I love, fall in love and feel loved. I hope everyone, at some point in their life, gets to feel what it's like to fall in love. It's such an overwhelming, scary yet mystical feeling, feels foreign yet so comforting at the same time. The worst part of falling in love is that at some point it comes to an end, and that is an inevitable sadness that everyone who falls in love has to experience. I remind myself often to just sit back, enjoy the ride, and allow myself to feel every single emotion that arises.

 

What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

“Not everyone has the same heart as you.” - Although this may be true, I refuse to make it a habit to surround myself with people who do not have the same heart as me. I would rather have a small number of quality friends than a large number of friends who do not care about my well-being or have my best interest at heart.

 

How often do you feel alone?

I think it is important to learn how to be content with being alone. If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not equate to being unhappy. Learn how to not be defined by another person. The answer is, that I am alone often, but by choice, and I do not feel lonely.

 

What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?

To love and be loved, like being on a roller coaster that only goes up, almost like emotional insurance - No matter what happens, you have that person who gives you an all-consuming love. Someone who just understands you, in the worst and best ways, who is intentional and selfless. I can't wait to reciprocate the type of love I want; someday.

 

What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

Emotionally investing yourself in an emotionally unavailable person. You are grasping onto any shred of possibility, trying to see a positive sign through the darkness, praying and hoping things would work out, allowing their unavailability to consume your entire being. It's one of the most debilitating, soul-destroying feelings someone could feel. I would I almost felt insane - it was such an out-of-body experience that I wish was not even a thing.

 

What is the best decision you’ve ever made?

To put myself first. Made myself a priority. However, learning that putting myself first does not make me selfish, was a long process. Putting myself first is quite the opposite of being selfish, it is truly selfless. “You must put your health and happiness first before you can be there to help anyone else. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself.” - From my Therapist.

 

When do you feel most at ease?

I have been trying to think of a time when I was at ease for the last couple of days and truthfully, I cannot remember a time when I have felt at ease or truly comfortable and at peace. I have always had some type of turmoil, toxicity, or stressful situation happening and my “fix” to that is to overload myself with work to hide from it. It gives me a pleasant distraction. Ease/stability is something I crave often, and I am truly trying my hardest to get to it. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

What does having a successful life mean to you?

I think being successful means you not only can afford all necessities in life but also able to save/plan for the future. Have a safe/clean house, healthy food, healthcare, etc. A great group of supportive/loving friends. A serious, meaningful, soul-captivating relationship, along with a healthy/stable foundation on to raise a beautiful family. Having not only a healthy body but a healthy mind. Having a purpose in life and doing something meaningful at work. (Doesn't that sound great???)

 

How often do you think about your body?

I think of my body often, but not typically negatively. I feel honored to be a woman. Women are capable of impeccable things. I am so grateful that I was not raised in an environment where I saw women picking themselves apart to fit into society's norms. I have always been pretty self-confident in all aspects. My name was never confident, but she never showed us that side of her & I plan to make sure that I pass that on to my kids someday. (If you are not confident, fake it til you make it, eventually you will truly feel it).

 

When do you ask for help?

I struggle to relinquish control. I was consistently in “survival mode” as a child, playing the role of an adult at a very young age, I never really got to be a “child”. I was taking care of my siblings while my mom worked multiple jobs just to keep a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and clothes on our backs. I always had to figure everything out on my own, there was no such thing as “asking for help”. As an adult now, I find myself getting very frustrated with myself if I cannot figure it out on my own, and instead of asking for help, I just shut it out and move on to the next thing. I am very hyper-aware of my “toxic traits”, I just have not decided to work on it quite yet - It’ll come with time.

 

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I just recently got accepted for my own apartment (with no roommates, I am hoping that I can create my peace once moved in and situated.) I also recently found out that I am able to get my designation in Insurance (basically my Masters in Insurance), only 4% of my peers have this designation. Very exciting.

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