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Writer's pictureDevyn Penney

#63. glimmers of fulfillment, digital detoxes & joan didion




Age: 27

Relationship Status: In a relationship

Occupation: Photographer & writer

Income: $54,000

Astrological Sign: Scorpio sun, Aquarius moon, Sagittarius rising

 

What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

Make and drink my coffee while watching the news, listening to music, or sitting out on my balcony.

 

Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?

Yes, when I lived alone for the first time. I felt completely self-reliant and autonomous, something I did not realize I had been dying to feel forever. I love baking, crafting and art and sometimes when I complete a recipe or project start to finish, I get little glimmers of this feeling.

 

What is your most repetitive, negative thought?

I am ugly, overweight, disgusting, and dumb (ouch), and because of those things, people choose not to be close friends with me (double ouch). I have a history of trauma and was an obese child who lost 100lbs around the age of 15-16. Even though I have fluctuated in weight, have been to therapy, and live what would seem to most people as an active, healthy and balanced lifestyle, I still have days when I am afraid to look at myself in the mirror or I have moments of terror when jeans that fit fine a month ago won't zip up. I am working on my internalized fatphobia and being content with who I am in body and mind, but progress isn't linear. I have to choose to think positively and “fake it til’ I make it”, as it’s not my default.

 

What is your most repetitive, positive thought?

I am so lucky to be safe, afford what I need to, and have people who love me. Also, how did I get so lucky to meet the love of my life –who is actually a smart, successful, good guy? Oh, and did I mention hot? Yeah, I am blessed.

 

What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?

It is hard to connect with people and maintain friendships. Not having work/school/family in common, in addition to distance and the passage of time, makes it difficult. You have to actively and creatively work on the relationships you want to keep.

 

What are three things you want to put every woman onto?

  1. Digital detoxing - I love Instagram and I am addicted to Tiktok, but girls we really gotta stop comparing ourselves. You are good enough. Unplug as much as you can.

  2. Saving money for your future, but budget to get yourself something to look forward to every month (for me, it’s a manicure and a fancy coffee).

  3. One hobby that makes you sweat and one that forces you to be creative or use your mind (for me, it is workout classes and crochet).

 

Rank the following from most to least important:

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).

Love. Laughter. Sex. Money. Food.

For some reason I cannot stop thinking about how Robin Williams would have answered this question.

 

How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood?

Growing up, I gave my parents a really hard time, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't still resentful for some things they have said, done, or ways they have acted. Becoming an adult made me realize that we are all flawed and trying our best with what we have and what we know. My parents had me a little later in life, so I try to appreciate them in all their flawed glory and don't try to change them anymore, even when I don't agree with their choices. However, I also let myself have boundaries and make those clear as best I can (something I am still working on). I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared of how the future will look as they age, but I trust that I will learn how to handle those moments as I age, too.

 

When do you feel most like yourself?

When I am wrapped in a blanket with my cats, wearing cozy clothes, and watching a Julia Roberts movie with a sweet treat in hand.

 

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?

I have two that I think about often:

Once when I was having a horrible day and feeling extremely self-conscious, I visited my then-boyfriend at the bar he worked at. When he got home that night, he said that while he was cleaning up after work, the server on shift mopping the floors allegedly said, "[me] is very beautiful. No, man, like really, really beautiful – you should know that.”

That boyfriend ended up hurting me beyond belief months later. And while I did not hear this with my own ears and I am not entirely sure if he meant looks or personality, it reminds me that we never know what people think about us behind our backs, and how if we are thinking something nice about someone we should always say it, to whomever will listen.

When I was in my final year of university taking journalism, a professor that was notoriously hard on people told me in front of the class that I write “like Joan Didion.” To this day when I am not sure about my abilities and I am feeling lost, I think about this compliment.

 

How do you feel about falling in love?

You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else.

 

What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

J.K. Rowling’s takes.

 

How often do you feel alone?

Not as much as I used to, but sometimes. My job is very independent, and besides my boyfriend and my sister, I don't have any close friends. A few years ago, I started romanticizing my time alone, and it has really helped. Podcasts do too.

 

What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?

Being wrong or having your mind changed about something or someone. It is humbling; it is human, and admitting it makes you more likable. Also, unconditional love.

 

What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

Losing your best friend.

 

What is the best decision you’ve ever made?

Adopting my cats. I love them so much and they have helped me love myself.

 

When do you feel most at ease?

When I am headed to bed on a Friday night.

 

What does having a successful life mean to you?

I always thought it was just rolling with the punches, but now I know it can be so much more than that. I ultimately believe success is growing old, looking back on your life, and being satisfied with the choices you have made to get you to where you are. I will feel I have succeeded when I look back on my life, being grateful for having met my goals: a loving and supportive marriage, raising the family I always wanted, publishing my first novel, and living above my financial means.

 

How often do you think about your body?

Too often, at least every hour, and often too negatively. It is my greatest struggle, and I know it is something I have to work on every single day. I have made some leeway with body acceptance and neutrality, but I still have a long way to go, and that’s okay.


When do you ask for help?

When there is a large bug in my apartment.

 

What is something you feel strongly about?

Age is just a number. Living for yourself. Standing up for yourself and others, especially those you love. Gossiping less. Having empathy. Funding libraries.

 

BONUS: Tell me something good.

They are making a Shrek 5 that is set to release Summer 2026.

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