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Writer's pictureDevyn Penney

#58. maternity leave, morning coffee walks & asserting yourself




Age: 32

Relationship Status:  Married

Occupation:  Insurance Broker

Income:  about $200K

Astrological Sign: Leo/Cancer Cusp

 

What is the first thing you do when you wake up? 

At the moment, I change and feed my seven-week-old son. If my husband is doing that, I will lay in bed or get up and make coffee.

 

Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?

Yes, many times. Most recently when my husband, son and I took a long walk in Central Park on a beautiful Saturday morning. My son napped in the stroller, my husband and I had time to talk and connect and we got out of the apartment. It was perfect.

 

What is your most repetitive, negative thought?

That I won’t have a connection with my son that I always envisioned. I have wanted to be a mother for so long but we are in the newborn trenches and most of the time I find it so defeating.

 

What is your most repetitive, positive thought?

That I am doing the best I can, and I know this will get better. That I am living the life I had always dreamed of.

 

What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?

How much autonomy you really do have, for better or for worse.

 

What are three things you want to put every woman onto? 

  1. To feel unconditional support from a partner, parent and/or friend. To feel how freeing it is to have someone continuously and constantly in your corner.

  2. To travel to a new place outside of their comfort zone. It really does make you realize how big the world is and how small you are. It is so humbling. I think swimming in the ocean has the same effect.

  3. A long, wonderful dinner with true girlfriends. Where there is great food, drinks, and conversation spans the gamut from silly to serious. The type of dinner that, when you leave, you literally feel high on life.

 

Rank the following from most to least important:

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).

love, laughter, money, sex, food

 

How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood? 

My parents were very strict growing up, and I struggled to understand some of their rules and beliefs. I still don’t agree with a fair amount of them, but we have always had a great relationship. As I entered into my twenties, our relationship leaned more toward friendship, and that continues to this day. They are two of the best people I know, and I am so lucky to have them as my parents. They have always provided a safe and loving environment that all four of their children (now, all in their 30s with their own families) want to return to, even when they don’t have to. I realize now how rare that is.

 

When do you feel most like yourself? 

When I am with my husband and my immediate family. Specifically spending time together at the beach. They are my favorite people, and the beach is my happy place.

 

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you? 

That I radiate positive energy. And that when I walk into a room, I am a presence.

 

How do you feel about falling in love? 

I think it is wonderful. All types – lovers, friends, pets, etc. The trick is staying in love.

 

What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

Honestly, people’s political views. I hate how it has become some people’s personalities. We are all entitled to our opinions and do not have to agree.

 

How often do you feel alone? 

Very rarely. I am currently on maternity leave, which I find quite isolating, but know this is just a season in my life.

 

What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?

I hope everyone experiences absolute acceptance from their partner. My husband knows everything about me – the good, the great, the bad, the ugly – and he loves me so much. I can tell him anything and he does not judge, he just accepts and supports. It is so grounding to have that safe space in my life.

 

What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

The loss of a child. I have not and hope to never experience this, but people close to me have. Gut-wrenching does not even scratch the surface.

 

What is the best decision you’ve ever made?

Marrying my husband! My biggest decision and my best decision. We are not only in love, but also best friends. We genuinely enjoy hanging out with one another but allow each other the space for our own friendships and hobbies. We have the same goals in life and align on so many core values. He is a true partner in every sense of the word. My son is so lucky to call him Dad. I found him in a frat basement at 20 years old and it took me years to realized I hit the jackpot. Every day, I wake up so thankful that he is beside me. (I should go tell him this!) 

 

When do you feel most at ease?

Unwinding after a day at work on the couch or at the dinner table. Or, going for a Saturday morning coffee walk with my husband, son and dog.

 

What does having a successful life mean to you?

To have a healthy family, physically and mentally. To have a strong marriage. To have our children want to come home and spend time with us even when they don’t have to. I also want continued career success for both my husband and I. We take a lot of pride in our careers, and we have goals for ourselves and our family.

 

How often do you think about your body? 

Prior to pregnancy, pretty often, but I have thought less about it as I have gotten older. I have shocked myself with how kind I am to my newly postpartum body. I hope this continues!

 

When do you ask for help? 

Rarely, but I am working on this.

 

What is something you feel strongly about?

Women asserting themselves in the workplace. No more worrying that you will seem like a bitch if you hold people to high work product standards. No more sitting at the end of a conference table; sit in the middle. No more exclamations points in emails. No more apologizing if you had good intentions but made a mistake. No more, “I think these numbers are incorrect,” no! “These numbers are incorrect.” No more thinking that you do not deserve that position or promotion. A man will have 25% of the qualifications listed and interview and ask for top dollar. A women will not interview because she doesn’t meet 25% of the qualifications despite having 75%. Interview!! And whatever you want salary-wise, tack on 30%.

 

BONUS: Tell me something good. 

My son recently started smiling and cooing at us. It has made me feel so much better!!

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