#423. dark humor, asking for a divorce & having hella ADHD

Age: 52

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: Service Industry (FOH)

Income: I have what I need and pay my bills. I'll always choose DOING things over HAVING things. 

Astrological Sign: Capricorn

What is something you look forward to every day?

The chance to laugh and make someone else laugh.

Describe how your year thus far is going, using only three words: 

Focused on progress.

What is the most valuable thing you have earned?

My autonomy back.

What is the most precious thing you have lost? 

Years of my life to self-doubt.

Fill in the blank: if loving _____ is wrong, I don’t want to be right. 

The darkest humor/inappropriate jokes.

Is there a moment in your life where preparation has met opportunity? Did you take it?

I can't think of an example that answers the question.

I will say that there have been many occasions when I decided to say YES to adventure. If nothing else, I'll end up with a good story later!

In a room full of people, who are you looking for? 

Whoever the dog sits with! Also, someone who is A-OKAY doing their own thing and enjoying themselves - they don't need to be the center of attention/starved for validation.

What is the most impactful, published piece of writing you have read?

(this could be a book, a poem, an article, a study, etc.)

Most recently: Molly Shannon's autobiography. 

Hilarious, joyful, and vulnerable.  Her story inspired me to stop thinking of myself as “too much” and own all my weird and odd ways. She was the catalyst to lean into what brings me joy. I'm not causing anyone harm by being my most authentic self, so why make myself smaller for some lame-o hater? 

When I am self-loathing, I tend to…

Grab my journal and write!

Then, keep writing until I'm done, out of mental energy, (or something gives me an idea for a bit to use at comedy open mic!)

When I am self-loving, I tend to…

Pay it forward

Send friends a random text telling them I love them. I usually add that I don't need to hear back (sometimes it feels like a chore to engage. I get it!). 

I just know that part of getting to have self-love comes from the connection and love from my circle of amazing friends.

If you had endless amounts of talent and skill, what would you want to be famous or known for? 

Being an author. Comedy/comedy writer. 

Performing (TV/film/stage).

How does the best relationship in your life make you feel? 

Calm, safe, desired, and definitely laughing.

When do you feel most inspired? 

Inspiration seems to hit in the late-night hours for me.

It's time without obligations or outside interruptions.

What is something that your inner child needs to hear from you?

Your feelings are not a burden. It's ok to talk about feeling sad or scared. 

You're not going to get in trouble for someone else hurting you.

What is something that your future self needs to hear from you?

Your needs are important too. Show up as yourself instead of trying to be what you think they want.

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had made a different decision, and do you wish you had? 

I got married at 24. I was WAY too young. I wish I had waited at least a couple more years before deciding on marriage.

Maybe it would have made a difference in our story.

But I do not regret ending the marriage. At all. It was the right decision.

If money were no object, what is one thing you would have an unlimited supply of? 

Plane tickets! I would be traveling all over all the time. I have only checked a handful of places off my wish list so far, so I would definitely love to check off some more.

What is the most predictable thing about you? 

That I have ADHD. 

I didn't get tested until 50. When I went back for my results, the psychiatrist was telling me I essentially had hella ADHD (mixed type).  Maybe I should have been concerned, but mostly I felt like I got an A+ in being neurodivergent!

I'm paraphrasing from my memory of that appointment–

“You definitely meet the criteria for an ADHD diagnosis, and I'm confident it was present in childhood.  And you're 50 years old? I cannot fathom all the adaptations and coping strategies you must have in all that time”. When I shared the results with my friends, every one of them said, “Yeah, no shit!”

What is the most unexpected thing that has ever happened to you? 

*Joe Pera picking me out of a sold-out theater of people to go on stage for a bit. It was so fun and so funny!

If I hear a call for a volunteer, my hand goes up immediately!

Describe a time that you were in awe of your own courage or bravery: 

*I worked up the courage to ask for a divorce and followed through this time (there were a couple other times over those 22 years).

I was so scared about money and worrying this would traumatize my daughters and what would happen with the house, our dogs and, and, and…

About 6 months after he moved out, the COVID lockdown began. 

I survived that nightmare era on top of a divorce that could have been wrapped up in two months, taking two YEARS. It was mostly because he thought I would give up and go back to how we were.

I'm really proud of getting through it by being the bravest I've ever been.