#418. loving weed, gathering the matriarchs & giving people a place to be entirely themselves

Age: 52 or 53, I can never remember

Relationship Status: married

Occupation: desk jockey/boss of men in an office

Income: $53k

Astrological Sign: Virgo, Libra rising (and if it helps … Gryffindor with Slytherin rising)

Describe your ideal morning:

I struggle with this when I actually try to picture anything that would be ideal, but I can tell you the elements are sleeping until I’m rested, a quiet house (just me and the cats), coffee, breakfast as I see fit, whether that’s ordering, going out, or making something, with nothing on the docket until at least lunchtime.

What is the last thing you think about before going to sleep?

Man, I love weed.

If you could talk openly about any of the following ‘taboo’ subjects at a dinner party: politics, religion, money, or sex, what is one question you would pose to the table?  

If I could? Honey, I DO. Though these days politics and religion are only discussed with those I know I can trust with my opinions.

What is something you wish were taught in school?

How to balance a checkbook and budget.

How do you define personal happiness?

My personal happiness? Safety, security, comfort, and connection. But I get that other people have their own measuring sticks, and I think that’s awesome.

When do you feel most helpless? 

When I feel stupid. It doesn’t happen often, but it makes me very, very (dare I say?) unstable. I’m completely thrown and usually have a temper tantrum. Needless to say, I try not to be in that position.

What is something you are nostalgic about? 

There are different tiers to this for me. In one way, I’m nostalgic for the days of being a child, and my only worry being if my mother was going to get wasted that night or not. Then there’s pining for the days of my now 32-year-old son as a child. Then there’s the grief of a time in my life when I felt most alive, seen, and celebrated.

When does, or will, your life feel complete? 

Shit howdy. Good question. I think there’s nothing that fits “will”, because I now know that type of thinking is a trap. I was stuck there for about 50 years. I suppose my life is complete now, every day, even as it undulates and changes through time.

What is something you have forgiven, but will never forget? 

My mother’s treatment of me as a child under her roof and even into adulthood for a few years.

What is one decision that seemed small at the time, but completely changed the direction or course of your life?

Moving halfway across the country. The culture shock alone was life-altering. I’ll be forever grateful to the people of my community.

What is something that comes easily to you?

Giving other people a place to be entirely themselves in whatever form that takes in the moment.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?  

Tell the woman who was going to adopt my son that I had decided to keep him.

Where is your favorite place on Earth?

Right now, my bedroom recliner.

If you woke up tomorrow and were in charge of EVERYTHING, what would be the first thing you would do to make the world a better place?

Gather the matriarchs and start planning with no unsolicited male advice. First up: redefining our democracy in the US, and universal healthcare as we untie the quagmire that has become the unholy marriage of church and State.

Finish this sentence: money can’t buy you happiness, but it can afford you…

Comfort, security, and Door Dash, amen. And if I allowed it … FREEDOM.

What is the best thing you have been gifted or purchased on your own within the last year? 

My little sister flew 1,200 miles to come take care of me after surgery, not asking for a single thing in return.

If you could give a woman who is 10 years younger than you a single piece of advice, what would it be?  

Listen to how many times you say “Me” or “I”.

Is there anyone who knows everything about you? 

I’d be surprised if this were a yes.

If you knew that life was short, what is one thing you would do right now? 

Fooled you: I DO know life is short, and I haven’t changed a damned thing.

If you knew that life was long, what is one thing you would do right now? 

Cry. 

BONUS: Tell me something good.  

I’m three weeks out of cervical spinal fusion. I thought I was recovering as slow as molasses, but it turns out I’m two to three weeks ahead of others, according to my medical team. Also, we’re going to have a blizzard tomorrow, and I have no plans to go anywhere. I’m already giddy over how cozy my home is going to feel!