#408. making people laugh, losing a baby & living your own life

Age: freshly 29

Relationship Status: very, very happily in a relationship 

Occupation: collection intake rep at a law firm 

Income: $16 an hour

Astrological Sign: Pisces bitches. I’m a sweetie pie cry baby tbh

Describe your ideal morning:

Honestly, getting to sleep in with my man, but not too late so we can pick up some breakfast and coffee. Drive around blasting good music. 

What is the last thing you think about before going to sleep?  

What don’t I think about before I go to sleep? I lost my son at four months pregnant; he’s always the final thought at night, but before that, I am thinking of a million things. My brain never stops. 

If you could talk openly about any of the following ‘taboo’ subjects at a dinner party: politics, religion, money, or sex, what is one question you would pose to the table? 

I would ask, “How are any of you people comfortable with what our country is doing right now?” - this could literally fit into ALL categories. 

What is something you wish were taught in school?

Honestly, I wish I had been taught real-life shit. Don’t get me wrong, I love math, but that hypotenuse bullshit didn’t get me anywhere I need to be. I needed to know about self-esteem and love. I guess my parents should have taught that, but I think a class in school would be cool too. Especially for kids who don’t have it at home. 

How do you define personal happiness?

For me, my personal happiness is just laughing with my boyfriend & friends. Feeling no anxiety. 

When do you feel most helpless? 

When my seizure disorder is acting up, and I’m unable to explain it because they’re seizures caused by trauma, not epilepsy, so everyone thinks I’m faking. 

What is something you are nostalgic about?

This is a tough one…I had a rough fucking childhood. I think my nostalgic moments are from school, the smells of the crayons, the escaping of the fist fighting, the laughs of the other kids, the teachers that cared, and the routine. 

When does, or will, your life feel complete? 

I am uncertain for now, but I feel like the moment I am able to become a mother to a baby on earth, I will feel like I’m complete. 

What is something you have forgiven, but will never forget? 

I have forgiven my mother for all of the emotional and verbal abuse, but I cannot forget those words. 

What is one decision that seemed small at the time, but completely changed the direction or course of your life? 

Trying drugs as an early teen. It completely catapulted my life into a shit show that I’m just finally recovering from.

What is something that comes easily to you? 

Making others laugh.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done? 

Held my dead son in my hand, knowing my body failed him, then had to move on like nothing had happened. 

Where is your favorite place on Earth? 

In my man’s arms. 

If you woke up tomorrow and were in charge of EVERYTHING, what would be the first thing you would do to make the world a better place? 

I would…damn the things I could think of right now in this political climate…I just would do ANYTHING to create a safer environment for women, children, and people of color. 

Finish this sentence: money can’t buy you happiness, but it can afford you…

Comfortability.

What is the best thing you have been gifted or purchased on your own within the last year?  

A necklace that says, “mommy to a baby in heaven.”

If you could give a woman who is 10 years younger than you a single piece of advice, what would it be? 

Never let a man tell you who you are. 

Is there anyone who knows everything about you? 

My best friend of 12 years, don’t ask her though, because she would never admit it. 

If you knew that life was short, what is one thing you would do right now? 

I do know life is short, I wish I could vacation to Italy. 

If you knew that life was long, what is one thing you would do right now? 

Try to find more hobbies.

BONUS: Tell me something good. 

My favorite part of life is realizing that everyone is living their own life - seeing everything from their own point of view. Doesn’t matter if 1 million people were at the same concert; all 1 million people had a different experience and perceived it differently, and to know that we are all so different is a beautiful thing to me.