#406. coffee by the sea, cuddling cats & quitting drugs

Age: 50

Relationship Status: Engaged

Occupation: Etsy Shop

Income: 20k approx

Astrological Sign: Gemini

Describe your ideal morning:

Waking up to a coffee next to me and one of my cats cuddling me. Then go downstairs to brew another coffee and sit on the decking in the sunshine, sipping my coffee while watching the sea views. Dogs and cats, all milling around me. Checking my email to find a lottery win would be ideal at this point, but failing that, finding a few orders for sea glass jewelry that I make, getting those prepped to post, and then taking the dogs for a walk down the beach. Finding the beach almost empty of people despite the weather, I then paddle in the sea with the dogs before going home.

What is the last thing you think about before going to sleep?

I usually plan my entire next day before going to sleep. I make a list of everything I need to do. I then have cuddles with the cats and doze off listening to the TV.

If you could talk openly about any of the following ‘taboo’ subjects at a dinner party: politics, religion, money, or sex, what is one question you would pose to the table?

It really would depend on who was at the dinner party. I don’t have a problem discussing most things at a dinner party, provided my family is not there. I find that the taboo subject of me being vegan is mostly brought up, and I would like to genuinely ask the other people at the table how they disassociate from the piece of meat on their plate being a dead animal. How can they feel that because something tastes good to them, it’s worth a creature losing their life? I genuinely want to know because if I ask anyone, they just think I’m being snippy, and I am not; I just don’t understand and want to.

What is something you wish were taught in school?

I was from the last generation of girls being taught to be a secretary. I had typewriting classes. I wish I had been taught something more useful, like home skills such as basic carpentry, how to sort out your basic plumbing, or electrics. How to budget, run a house in general, rather than ‘being a wife’.

How do you define personal happiness?

Just feeling content. That feeling when everything is just ok, no issues, nothing brewing, when you can enjoy the scenery or peace. For me personally,

 I get that in two areas, walking along the beach and cuddling my cats.

When do you feel most helpless?

When my animals are feeling poorly, it used to be when my kids were, and now it’s when my animals are.

What is something you are nostalgic about?

So much. My Dad. My old pets. My old friends who are no longer with us. Music.

When does, or will, your life feel complete?

My life is complete. There are things I want to still do; however, my kids are adults and thriving, so my life is complete. I no longer want the corporate roles I had before, or to progress in that world. I am happy creating and rescuing animals.

What is something you have forgiven, but will never forget?

When I was about 14-15, I went off the rails a bit. I got caught up with boys and got pregnant. I was forced to have an abortion, and it was traumatic. I can see why they did it but it just led to more behavior from me. I dated a professor age 15 and he was in his 30’s-40’s. My parents made friends with him. He got married to an arranged marriage bride. My Mum was great friends with her. That they would all sit there and lecture me as a 15-year-old is something I’ve never forgotten. I know times were different, but I want to scream, “I was a CHILD’ and ‘you should have reported him!’

What is one decision that seemed small at the time, but completely changed the direction or course of your life?

Saying yes to trying heroin with my then-boyfriend when I was 19. We both lost everything after that. He lost his life in the end.

What is something that comes easily to you?

Solving other people’s problems! Mine, not so much, but other people’s I can find solutions for.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

Too many. And I can’t talk about the hardest thing, really. Better to say nothing than talk about it. One of the hardest would be quitting drugs, which took a few years.

Where is your favorite place on Earth?

My house. My lovely little house with its sea view. I love it. I worked so hard for this. I went from sleeping in doorways to owning this wonderful little house, and it’s just perfect.

If you woke up tomorrow and were in charge of EVERYTHING, what would be the first thing you would do to make the world a better place?

Appoint women to all senior government positions. That’s all that would be needed.

Finish this sentence: money can’t buy you happiness, but it can afford you…

Peace.

What is the best thing you have been gifted or purchased on your own within the last year? 

I guess that would be a massive fish tank for my fish.

If you could give a woman who is 10 years younger than you a single piece of advice, what would it be?

Get ready for a lot of changes. Google perimenopause.

Is there anyone who knows everything about you? 

No. There was one person, but he recently died. I’m not sure even he knew everything.

If you knew that life was short, what is one thing you would do right now?

Prepare my animals, get them homes I knew would care for them. Prep financial docs ready. Then go have a swim in the sea.

If you knew that life was long, what is one thing you would do right now?

Exactly what I’m doing now.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I once hatched some quail eggs. Two little male quail. We named them Bert and Pen. Bert had a tiny cuddly toy he used to carry around in his beak, and a disco ball that he would dance around when we played music. Pen made noises like a spaceship. Both of them used to like to sleep on my shoulder and snuggle in my hair. I think that’s pretty good.