#399. emotional abuse, English literature & a wide array of cheeses

Age: 34

Relationship Status: divorce pending

Occupation: Teacher

Astrological Sign: Virgo

What is something you look forward to every day?

A good breakfast and a strong coffee; food is one of my key motivations and mood lifters every day.

Describe how your year thus far is going, using only three words:

New-found calm.

What is the most valuable thing you have earned?

Independence.

What is the most precious thing you have lost?

My younger brother, who died by suicide in 2021. He was my best friend and the kindest, most unique soul. What I wouldn’t give for a final hug and conversation with him…

Fill in the blank: if loving _____ is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Rom-coms from the Noughties.

Is there a moment in your life where preparation has met opportunity? Did you take it?

Yes - the moment I decided to apply, and then accept the offer, to study for my degree in English Literature.

In a room full of people, who are you looking for?

The ones dressed colorfully, or the ones with their noses in a book.

What is the most impactful, published piece of writing you have read?

(this could be a book, a poem, an article, a study, etc.)

‘Holes’ by Louis Sachar when I was 11. It is still my favorite book to teach. The way the author interweaves past with present is sublime, and watching my pupils’ reactions as they piece the story together is a great reminder of why I love my job.

When I am self-loathing, I tend to…

Replay past comments or events from when I was in my emotionally abusive marriage, either wondering if they were true, or wondering why I did not leave sooner.

When I am self-loving, I tend to…

Smile as I catch my reflection in a shop window, smile, and sigh contentedly into a freshly-poured hot drink.

If you had endless amounts of talent and skill, what would you want to be famous or known for?

I like to think I’d have followed through with what I only consider a hobby, so either a writer, a dancer, or a singer.

How does the best relationship in your life make you feel?

Safely nurtured, unconditionally loved, and seen.

When do you feel most inspired?

On holiday, when I can be at one with nature (even if it’s just on a bench in my local park) or in the morning on a weekend with no plans.

What is something that your inner child needs to hear from you?

‘The times you cried were not overly dramatic. That anxiety, fear, sadness, or sheer need to cry was valid.

What is something that your future self needs to hear from you?

You have done very hard things and come out changed for the better…it’s worth trying a hard thing again.

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had made a different decision, and do you wish you had?

I often use this as inspiration for my writing or as a way to allow my mind to drift off.

I think of how different my life would be if I had pursued a career in translating in different European languages; if a pregnancy scare I had in my late teens had turned out to be a child instead; if I had truly listened to my gut and not married my ex-husband or agreed to his proposal. I’m not sure if I actively wish I could turn back time to these moments but I feel fascinated by alternatives to these pivotal moments.

If money were no object, what is one thing you would have an unlimited supply of?

A wide array of cheeses for picnic-type lunches, and a consistent stream of fresh, colorful flowers.

What is the most unexpected thing that has ever happened to you?

I had yet to experience intercourse when, at 17, I had to have invasive surgery on my ovaries to remove a (luckily, benign) cyst that weighed a total of 3.2kg. This meant being on a maternity ward and having a C-section, plus having to explain to the nurses who rotated on shift that no, I was not having a baby.

I had gone into an appointment without ever expecting my slightly swollen abdomen to be a symptom of something this dangerous or significant, and all the doctors I had seen before had dismissed this as unserious.

Describe a time that you were in awe of your own courage or bravery:

I’d say it was going through the surgery mentioned above, though I feel I managed that mainly through the naivety of my age at the time!

BONUS: Tell me something good.

For every snide, abusive, or unkind gesture you receive or witness, just know that there is kindness all around you to counterbalance that.