#398. magic mushrooms, honesty & helping as many people as humanly possible

Age: 46

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: CEO

Astrological Sign: Aries

Describe your ideal morning:

A wee to empty the bladder, water, fruit, exercise, walk in nature, and work.

What is the last thing you think about before going to sleep?

My future.

If you could talk openly about any of the following ‘taboo’ subjects at a dinner party: politics, religion, money, or sex, what is one question you would pose to the table?

These aren’t taboo subjects to me, I talk about them openly and ask anyone questions about them. I guess I would ask what the worst thing they have done for money is.

What is something you wish were taught in school?

Self-worth.

How do you define personal happiness?

Happiness is time spent in nature with the people I love, who make me feel loved back.

When do you feel most helpless? When my adult children are hurting.

 What is something you are nostalgic about? Everything, but spending time in my grandparents’ gardens or visiting relatives.

When does, or will, your life feel complete?

When my business is successful, as in, I am helping as many people as is humanly possible.

What is something you have forgiven, but will never forget?

I’ve forgiven my parents for not being great parents, leaving me with abandonment issues, low self-worth, and low self-esteem, my uncles for bullying me, my whole family for always taking the piss out of me. My mum, brother, and sister for not being supportive of my ambition and drive. All my partners for cheating on me, one of them beating me, and the others for emotional abuse. One of them asked me to abort our baby because he wouldn’t support me. Being the scapegoat in my places of employment. All the bullying and exclusion, and the people who carried it out, that I endured while in those jobs. My ex-husband for slandering my mental health while causing me mental health problems by not being supportive after we broke up, his not sharing the profit within the family home, watching me struggle while he earned really good wages, and allowing our children to drink alcohol and watch movies way before they should have, while he enjoyed his cocaine fueled parties.

All the men who took advantage of me sexually without my consent. The beating that I got from four friends when I was 13, when I had done nothing wrong to warrant it. My best friends for either slept with my boyfriends or accusing me of sleeping with theirs so that they could end their relationships while they were the ones cheating. The NHS is being negligent and causing me to have an ectopic pregnancy, which almost killed me and resulted in me losing a tube. My brother and his wife for trying to humble me during one of the worst times of my life. All the people in my community, for making me feel like I didn’t deserve to live and wasn’t worth respect. My so-called friends for talking about me behind my back, calling me Princess Fiona from Shrek. Another for stealing from me. Myself for being an idiot and allowing it all through my need to be loved. All of the people who made me feel unworthy. My Dad for leaving me with my mum and taking my kitten down the field to survive alone. My stepdad for the abuse and humiliation he subjected me to.

What is one decision that seemed small at the time, but completely changed the direction or course of your life?

Writing my first book.

What is something that comes easily to you?

Honesty, clarity, and directness.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

Told my son I couldn’t cope with his behavior, and he would have to go live with his dad, abort a baby I didn’t want to abort to please others, leave my kids behind to move to a new area (they’re adults, but it still hurt), and to say goodbye to people who felt like home.

Where is your favorite place on Earth?

I don’t know, I haven’t been to enough places to answer this one.

If you woke up tomorrow and were in charge of EVERYTHING, what would be the first thing you would do to make the world a better place?

Tell people to stop being selfish dickheads and make it law that if you hurt people or the planet, it’s prison.

Finish this sentence: money can’t buy you happiness, but it can afford you…

Freedom. 

What is the best thing you have been gifted or purchased on your own within the last year? 

A secondhand car.

If you could give a woman who is 10 years younger than you a single piece of advice, what would it be?

Do not allow people to make you feel like you have to shrink to make them feel comfortable.

Is there anyone who knows everything about you?

I was always very open and honest, but that was a mistake. They know who I was and my past, but not who I am now.

If you knew that life was short, what is one thing you would do right now?

Tell my kids how much light they brought into my life, how sorry I am that I couldn’t do more for them, and how sorry I am that I leaned on them during hard times.

If you knew that life was long, what is one thing you would do right now?

I would just keep doing what I am doing, which is helping others heal and making my boys proud of me for achieving my goals.

BONUS: Tell me something good. 

Plants, trees, and animals have a wonderful energy, and they think we are idiots (haha).

Tandem skydiving, climbing a mountain, or a magic mushroom trip is something that everyone should do at least once.