#395. origami, escaping abuse & finding light at the end of the tunnel

Age: 27

Relationship Status: In a long-term relationship

Occupation: Influencer Marketing Manager

Income: 17,000

Astrological Sign: Sagittarius sun, Leo rising, Aquarius moon

What is something you look forward to every day?

When my 2.5-year-old son wakes up before I do (which is almost every day), he quietly says, “Wake up, mama,” and boops me on the nose. I wake up fulfilled.

Describe how your year thus far is going, using only three words:

What …. The …. FUCK

What is the most valuable thing you have earned?

Probably my driver’s license. I know it sounds stupid. But I have always had major anxiety with driving. So, I only decided last year that I was going to face my anxiety and head on. I have had hours and hours of driving lessons, not because I don’t know how to drive, but because the instructors are so patient. After months of lessons, I finally got my license this past Saturday at the ripe age of 27. I look at it every day and am thankful. So yeah, it’s very valuable to me.

What is the most precious thing you have lost?

This is a great question, and I had to think for so long. I had a friend in school with whom I played table tennis after school, competed with, and so on. One day, I saw him making origami and asked him to make something for me as well. He was Chinese. The next day, he brought me the most incredible lotus origami that I have ever seen. I kept it for years. Even when we lost touch, I still had it. One day, I put it in a book because I was rearranging my room. I didn’t have a lot of books, but I never found it after that. It was gone. To this day, I think about it.

Fill in the blank: if loving _____ is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Are we like talking about guilty pleasures here? Can I say, cheese? I loooooove cheese.

Is there a moment in your life where preparation has met opportunity? Did you take it?

Yes, the current job I have. I studied psychology, but never pursued it for very long after because my own mental health wouldn’t have made it. I taught myself about marketing, took free courses, and taught myself how to code and build websites. After that, I needed a new start, so I just decided to move across the country. No plan, and no money. I approached businesses and was asked, can I do this and this for you? I got a few clients and did that for a few years. Then I taught myself how to build websites and storefronts on Shopify. I even started my own sneaker brand just to test it out. I’ve been selling stock consistently, all being a nobody.

Then one day, a VERY popular shoe brand posted on Facebook that they’re looking for a Shopify expert. Man, I jumped at that. I made it very clear that although I’m very skilled, I hold no qualifications in this field. The owner of the brand was so impressed that I am completely self-taught, she hired me that day. And now I have the coolest job in the world!

My grandma always says, “If there is something in this life that you don’t know how to do, then it’s because you don’t WANT to know.” YouTube is free.

You can also get free courses everywhere. You are uneducated because you want to be uneducated.

In a room full of people, who are you looking for?

The person who looks like they feel out of place. I don’t really have an interest in talking to the most important person in the room. I have interest in making sure that people know they belong and are important.

What is the most impactful, published piece of writing you have read?

(this could be a book, a poem, an article, a study, etc.)

Hmm, I’d say the book, Nelson Mandela: Conversations with Myself.

It is Nelson Mandela’s autobiography/biography. But it includes actual photos of letters that he wrote while in prison.

It is impactful for so many reasons but in all the  27 years that he was in prison, not once did he give up on his life’s purpose.

When I am self-loathing, I tend to…

Look for something to eat, and I will binge eat.

When I am self-loving, I tend to…

Sing out loud and look at myself in the mirror a lot just to smile at myself.

If you had endless amounts of talent and skill, what would you want to be famous or known for?

I’ve always dreamed about being a famous writer. I have created so many beautiful stories and worlds in my imagination, along with characters. I can see the characters and see how their lives are created and played out.

How does the best relationship in your life make you feel?

My partner loves me more than I love myself. He accepts more of me than I accept myself. Our relationship makes me feel confident and safe and light. I know that, even though I might not always feel like 100, he will ALWAYS be there to remind me that I am 100.

When do you feel most inspired?

When I put my phone down and go for a walk. Get some sun. It’s like my brain and creativity recharge, almost like a solar panel.

What is something that your inner child needs to hear from you?

The way I sighed reading that.

“You are safe now, and you are loved, and you are a better mom to your son than your mom was to you. You are incredible.”

What is something that your future self needs to hear from you?

I hope I make us proud.

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had made a different decision, and do you wish you had?

Yes and yes.

I got married at 21 because I tried to escape my abusive mom. I didn’t know what red flags were, and I was abused even worse. I escaped from that marriage by taking my handbag and fleeing while he was at work.

I blocked him on everything. My dad helped me pay for an attorney, and I got divorced.

I moved to a new city and went on a drinking binge.

I got pregnant by my partner, who I was with for only 1 week at the time.

I regretted everything at that moment. I hated myself and wanted to die.

But my partner was overjoyed. We both changed our whole lives around, and we’re still together and more in love than ever.

I wish I had made better decisions when I was younger, but I wouldn’t have the most incredible son on the whole earth, and I wouldn’t have the most incredible partner, and I wouldn’t have the happy life that I now have.

If money were no object, what is one thing you would have an unlimited supply of?

Biltong and cheese for sure! Haha.

What is the most predictable thing about you?

I love laughing, and I laugh really loudly, so people love to say the most random things because they know I’ll find it hilarious and laugh.

What is the most unexpected thing that has ever happened to you?

I was working as a marketing manager at a property development company. One day, I walked into work and everything was totally normal. Next thing I know, my boss calls me in and retrenches me.

Yes, that is illegal.

But they were doing a lot of illegal stuff, which I can’t talk about because I signed an NDA. So, I anonymously reported them. Somehow, they must’ve found out. But I’m not the type of person who can sit with injustice and not say anything. I’m not an asshole.

Describe a time that you were in awe of your own courage or bravery:

During my marriage, I would get broken down emotionally and beaten up. Every time, I would tell myself to just hold on a little longer until I came up with a plan to escape.

I had house keys, but my ex-husband would take them with him to work and lock me in, so I couldn’t go anywhere.

He was convinced that I allowed men inside and was cheating on him.

One day, when he came back from work, I hid the keys outside. We looked for the keys, and I got beaten up cause he knew that I did it. He tried killing me that night, and I had marks around my neck for weeks.

He left the next morning, and I took my keys and left with no plan.

I eventually asked my godmother if she could pick me up, and I stayed with her. I was so traumatized that I didn’t sleep for a long time. I was convinced he would find and kill me.

I went to a psychiatrist who put me on antidepressants and strong sleeping pills so I could calm down.

It was the bravest thing that I have ever done in my life, and to this day, I get anxious thinking about it.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

Life is about what you make it, and I proved that with my early 20’s.

You decide every day to be positive. You choose every day to be mentally and physically healthy.

It’s so important to create the life that you want without hesitation.

There is ALWAYS a light at the end of a tunnel.