#394. talking to strangers, sketching and having a preventative mastectomy

Age: 53

Relationship Status: married 25 years

Occupation: housewife

Income: $210,000

Astrological Sign: Capricorn

Describe your ideal morning: 

Sleeping in, a cup of tea, a nice long walk with whatever podcast I’m currently listening to.

What is the last thing you think about before going to sleep?

Did I put the dishes in the dishwasher?

If you could talk openly about any of the following ‘taboo’ subjects at a dinner party: politics, religion, money, or sex, what is one question you would pose to the table?  

“Why do some think people who don’t believe in God have no morals/beliefs/etc.?”

What is something you wish were taught in school? 

I wish I had been taught about paying for college. The guidance counselor gave incorrect information about scholarships, so I didn’t qualify in time and couldn't afford to go to college.

How do you define personal happiness? 

I think it’s love. Not necessarily romantic love, but someone to care about, someone to care about you.

When do you feel most helpless? 

During car issues - I don’t know what’s going on in there.

What is something you are nostalgic about? 

My grandmother’s house. She lived there her entire life because it was built for HER parents when they married, and it was my favorite place to spend time because it was crammed with such interesting things.

When does, or will, your life feel complete? 

Other than more travel, I’m pretty much there. We never traveled when I was a child, so there are so many other places I want to see. We’re working on it now that we’re done paying college tuition.

What is something you have forgiven, but will never forget? 

My father-in-law made an “innocuous comment” to my husband about something that has been deeply sensitive to him his entire life, which reduced him to tears. Husband has forgiven him, that’s fine, but I will never forget that he could make his own child feel that way and think it’s not a big deal.

What is one decision that seemed small at the time, but completely changed the direction or course of your life?  

I offered help to a stranger on a street corner because he looked lost - seven years later, we were married.

What is something that comes easily to you?

Talking to strangers (see above!) - I don’t mind chit chat, there’s always something we can connect on.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done? 

I learned that I have an unusual genetic mutation that increases my risk of several different types of cancer. This includes an 80+% risk of breast cancer, which prompted me to have a preventative mastectomy, where pathology then found the tiniest beginning of triple-negative breast cancer.

Where is your favorite place on Earth? 

London. Being a history nerd at heart, there’s nowhere else more perfect to indulge that love.

If you woke up tomorrow and were in charge of EVERYTHING, what would be the first thing you would do to make the world a better place? 

Universal healthcare. The current system is broken beyond words.

Finish this sentence: money can’t buy you happiness, but it can afford you…

The time and space to find the happiness.

What is the best thing you have been gifted or purchased on your own within the last year? 

I am the family genealogist, so my aunt gifted me some pen-and-ink sketches that my great-grandfather made. He always wanted to be an artist, but his mother convinced him that no woman would want to marry one, so he worked in a bank. He continued painting and sketching.

If you could give a woman who is 10 years younger than you a single piece of advice, what would it be? 

Put sunscreen on the back of your hands and on your ears as religiously as you do on your face.

Is there anyone who knows everything about you? 

My best friend. She has supported me through the toughest times of my life, and there is never more than a day or two that we’re not talking about everything, the serious and the silly.

If you knew that life was short, what is one thing you would do right now? 

I would spend as much time as possible with my daughter. I was a stay-at-home mom, and we are very close; she is my favorite person to talk to.

If you knew that life was long, what is one thing you would do right now? 

I would take a long, lingering vacation. No cramming in all the sites possible in 5-10 days - I want to tour around Italy for a few months, visit my ancestral cities in Belgium, etc.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

My daughter was nominated for her first Daisy Award (excellence in nursing), the letter from her patient about the sense of hope she gave them moved me to tears with pride.