#374. comfort cities, brain surgery & having a Scorpio bestie

Age: 25

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: Software implementation consultant

Income: 67k

Astrological Sign: Scorpio sun, Aries rising, Capricorn moon

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

The first thing that comes to mind is to read in bed. I tend to get into bed too late to read before I sleep, but I’ve been trying to do that for myself. Through middle school, I read before bed even though I knew I’d regret not getting that extra 30 minutes of sleep in the morning.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

Everything will turn out for the best.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

I don’t think I remember bad advice. I’m sure it’s been given to me, but I throw it out right away if it doesn’t resonate.

When have you felt most accepted?

I can’t think of a moment I’ve felt specifically. There are always sides of me that I feel I have to hide. Maybe that’s the Scorpio in me. My best friend is also a Scorpio, so maybe when we just lay in bed when we visit each other, talking, silent, or scrolling on our phones, turning towards each other when we come across a funny video or cool IG post.

When have you felt most supported?

Whenever I host my friends. I built a community of girl friends around me that consistently shows up for me. Something I didn’t realize I could have until I made it happen.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

The ex stuff swap. My ex’s family lives a 5 minute drive from my parents’ place. We lived together for over a year. He broke up with me and moved back home in the span of 3 days. It was the most painful breakup I’d ever been through and the only one so far where I didn’t initiate it. He left a lot of things, and we don’t have any animosity between us, so I just want to give him his stuff back to be free of it taking up space in my apartment. We originally had it planned for thanksgiving, but my family’s going out of town that weekend, so it’s been pushed to Christmas.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I used to be terrified of bugs, butterflies, bees, moths, really all creepy crawlies, but I’ve been getting desensitized. I don’t want to scream in public over a ladybug, which I used to. I’ve been stomping on those lantern flies that plague the northeastern US in the spring/summer. I didn’t go into a flight response when I was on a ten person canoe with spiders and webs. I just flicked them out of the canoe. However, I don’t think I could do a cockroach or a silverfish quite yet.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

I promised myself to do all the things I’ve filed away in my brain as “meaning to do that” or “would like to do that someday” after my breakup in August. I’ve done most of them, besides the seasonal things, but they’re on my list.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

I don’t owe my ex anything, but I promised myself and spoke the promise out loud to him that I would focus on myself for at least four months and not date. Not sure if that counts as a promise I’ve kept to someone else. This is the first time in my life that I’m single, living alone, and not even on the apps, and it’s really freeing.

How do you cope with stress?

Talking to friends and family

What is a moment you are most proud of?

When I first signed the contract for my current job

How do you celebrate yourself?

Sweet treats and travel. I often take a day trip or a weekend away to my comfort cities. Since graduation, I’ve been loving visiting my friends and living their lives alongside them for a weekend and I’ll be adding more cities to the list soon.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Professional acumen. I work in a very specialized niche of software, and there aren’t many companies that do what we do at the scale we do. Or at least that’s what my company tells me. There are people who have been at my company since before the first laptop came out. Now that they’re retiring, I can’t help but feel like the new generation has to fill the gap.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Love. In all forms. Familial, platonic, romantic, etc.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

Surface level response: I change my mind every moment of every day.

Deep response: I’ve never changed my mind on anything major.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Yes and no. I wish I’d held my tongue a lot of times, and I also wish I’d said something when I didn’t, but I also believe that everything happens for a reason.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Being thoughtful and not regretful.

When do you feel in control?

Honestly, when I reject a man. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been getting advances from men, and I feel empowered when I reject those advances. It’s not that the men aren’t up to my standards (although they probably aren’t). It’s that I know in myself that I don’t want a man all up in my space right now. My energy is best spent on me right now.

When do you feel out of control?

I’ve been dealing with a progressive neurovascular disease called moyamoya for about 8 years now. My body and my mind are under my control, but somehow my brain, which is both my body and my mind, is not. I’ve had surgery on both sides of my brain, the first in junior year of high school and the second two years ago. The second surgery resulted in a temporary loss of speech and epilepsy. I have to take epilepsy meds twice a day, every day, exactly 12 hours apart. It sucks, and a lot of things revolve around my epilepsy, including my driving and, therefore, my independence.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I like it.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I started fostering cats with my local shelters! Since I travel so often, I always felt it wouldn’t be fair to adopt, so fostering is the next best thing. I love the feeling of coming home to someone waiting for you, and I’ve missed that. My first foster was truly almost a foster-fail because I loved him so much, but he was adopted soon after I returned him to the shelter for his neuter surgery. Yay! I’m excited to get my next fosters.