#372. moving forward, managing anxiety & making life a happy one

Age: 31

Relationship Status: Engaged

Occupation: Supply Teacher/Tutor

Income: 40 000

Astrological Sign: Taurus

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

Relax in some way, fill my cup. Read, take a long bath, watch TV, spend time with my pets and partner, go out to dinner or nature walk, do yoga, bake. Basically, what I do now, but with the time to do it every day, even when I feel like I don’t have time because I’m too tired or have to do boring adult things.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

I’ve received so much good advice, but in recent struggles with anxiety, one that has stuck out to me is that the thoughts in your head are not always true, even if they sound like you.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

Maybe some version of, you should give up or not try.

When have you felt most accepted?

I would say, by my current partner. He has truly seen me at my worst and has never made me feel bad or guilty about it, even when it negatively affected him. It made me feel like I could be my authentic self, even in my worst moments.

When have you felt most supported?

See above, but also by my family when I decided to leave University my second year because my roommate at the time had a mental health episode. I wasn’t living in a safe environment. I felt like I lost all my friends. I was scared to be on campus, so I decided to move home. My family rented a truck, moved me out at their expense, and sat in a snowstorm to do it. My mom had taken a week off from work and rented a hotel the week prior to stay with me up there while I decided what to do. Side note: when my family was coming up, they were stuck in hours of traffic on the highway, and my grandmother had to pee in a cardboard box. She never made me feel bad about it. Things aren’t always great with my family, but that was a time they were really there for me. I did end up transferring to a new University the next year to finish my degree.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

A consistent workout routine. I do yoga regularly, but I’ve just never been overly interested, even though I know it would benefit me.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I think life can just be scary. Loving again after heartbreak, trying a new job that doesn’t work out, continuing in a career after feeling your lowest, cutting off a friendship or relationship that isn’t serving you, reaching out to someone after a long time to try to find closure, hiking (haha). I’d say all these things can show you that you’re stronger than you think and the only way forward is through.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

Never giving up on trying to manage my anxiety in a healthy way, my therapist told me in our last session, you may be thanking me, but it’s you who has done the work, you have never given up on yourself, cue the tears.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

Keeping a secret, being there for someone when they need you most.

How do you cope with stress?

Cry, talk to my partner, friends, family, take a bath, do yoga, or go out in nature, read, just do things I enjoy, journal, and go to therapy.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

I have two degrees, and I’m proud of both, but the first one, with all that happened from the answer above, transferring Universities, giving up all my friends, and then not really forming a new community, working every weekend, traveling home, dealing with so much anxiety and classes I hated, assignments that were hard, etc. When I finally finished, my mom told me, “ No one can ever take this away from you,” and I still feel proud of that for overcoming something hard. When I was in high school, I never thought I was smart enough to go to University, so the fact that I did it meant something.

Also, in my last teaching placement, I was in a really, really tough school with kids who had faced so many hardships. They were such a difficult class from beginning to end; they really tested me, made me learn and grow, and it was not easy. The last moment I had with them before they left, they all stood in a line, waited, and gave me a couple of gifts and a hug. To get that from grade 5/6 meant so much to me.

How do you celebrate yourself?

Allowing myself to relax without guilt and telling myself I’m proud of myself. This was a hard one to answer, and I’m not sure I’m on the right track with my answer, so I’ll have to think on it.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

A job I like and will be successful at. I’ve struggled so much with supply teaching over the years and feel like I will never make a difference and never be truly happy doing it. I feel like I need to continue my education or physically move somewhere else and just do something different, maybe try harder or try more, just to earn a job I life and feel successful in. I really struggle with this.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Love, affection, family, a healthy relationship and friendships, a job you enjoy, hobbies, therapy, resources, healthcare, and education. I feel like everyone is worthy of this.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

I recently got into a huge fight with my family. There have been negative, unhealthy things that have occurred for my whole life. I have spent years going along with it because my mom has asked me to, my sister doesn’t want to deal with anything, and I’ve done that even though it’s been really hard. After this fight, I’ve realized I can’t do it anymore, I won’t be complicit in it, and I won’t give in when things get hard to go back to the relationships we had, because even though they were “safer and easier”, they don’t make me happy anymore. I can’t ignore everything that’s going on anymore, so I’ve changed my mind about how those relationships and boundaries will move forward.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Mean things I’ve said or done, intentionally or unintentionally. Every day, I’m trying to reflect and tell myself to think before I speak, use logic, and not let emotion drive my reactions. So, any moment where I’ve hurt someone else and could’ve handled it better.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Being authentically you, even when it’s hard. Trying your best for yourself. Being honest, being strong, using your instincts. Can you tell I’ve done a lot of therapy?

When do you feel in control?

When my anxiety is in check, when I can make decisions with myself, I know this is going to sound bad, but when things are going my way. I sometimes have a hard time when things aren’t going my way, accepting that it’s okay and still safe.

When do you feel out of control?

When I’m anxious, when I don’t have a plan, when something happens unexpectedly, and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m working on relying on myself rather than always running to someone else for help.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I hope it’s a happy one, I’ll try my best to make it a happy one! :)

BONUS: Tell me something good.

This is my third set of questions, and the answer I’ve always given and will stick to now is that adopting an animal is a beautiful thing, and giving an animal a second chance is good.