#361. effort, exploration & indulgence

Age: 33

Relationship Status: Married

Occupation: Non-profit Fundraiser

Income: 80k

Astrological Sign: Scorpio Sun, Aries Rising, Sag Moon

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

Creative Writing.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

Wash your face at the end of the day, no matter what, and always dry your face with a clean towel.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

Even though I was on my own financially, my parents advised me to go to a more affordable college; they really didn’t believe I would work hard enough at the very good school I wanted to attend and had gotten into, and said that the degree was what mattered. I listened to them and have always regretted it.

Don’t let other people tell you what you’re capable of.

When have you felt most accepted?

My friends have made me feel like a real aunt to their kids, and that feels like family in a way I never expected. It’s so precious to me.

When have you felt most supported?

My wedding. It felt so safe to be surrounded by my people, and they all took care of me in so many ways.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

Deciding whether or not to have kids and talking to my best friend about the distance between us since she became a mom.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I very recently went through an outpatient surgical procedure I had been avoiding for a few years. I had no fear going into the actual procedure, but it felt very scary and vulnerable to ask for a ride and risk finding out scary results or the doctor finding nothing to explain my symptoms. I’m glad I finally did it…I think.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

I have a deep faith, but have never fit into a faith community/religion. I’m very much surrounded by atheists and skeptics, and it would be easier to go with the flow and check out of thinking about it entirely. Instead, even though I mostly keep it to myself, I don’t lie about my belief, and that it helps me.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

There is only one person my wife ever asked me to stop having a relationship with, and it was really necessary for both his and my marriage and well-being. He was a big person in my life, and sometimes I miss him, but it was a pretty easy decision, and he actually agreed. We were able to wish each other beautiful lives and say goodbye at the right time. It’s weirdly a promise to both of them, and I’m glad I’ve kept it.

How do you cope with stress?

Lifting weights and secretly vaping in my car.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

I got my master’s and a professional certification (with a hard test!) in the same year that I planned my wedding while also working full-time. It was tough, and I’m really proud of how much I invested in my future.

How do you celebrate yourself?

I share my small victories with my people. I always worry it comes off as bragging, but I know that when they share their victories with me, I am just so proud and honored to be included in their life, so I try to tell my family and friends when I hit a big PR in the gym or secure a big donation at work.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Rest. Self-care. Love.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Effort. Exploration. Indulgence.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

CONSTANTLY.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

There are things I wish I had done differently, but I do believe the right things happen and the choices you make deliver the lessons you need to learn.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Not giving into what others want from you if it doesn’t feel right.

When do you feel in control?

When I’m energized, productive, and active.

When do you feel out of control?

Anytime one of my core relationships feels off/unsteady.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

What is meant for me will not miss me.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

One thing I am sure of is that people are well-intentioned. They are coming from places of pain and fear and exhaustion, often, but they mean well and are almost always looking for a chance to do good.