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Writer's pictureDevyn Penney

#36. wordle, window seats & the ozone layer




Age: 40

Relationship Status: married, with twin girls 

Occupation: clinical care coordinator (a licensed mental health therapist)

Income: 103k

Astrological Sign: Taurus

 

What is the first thing you do when you wake up? 

Play Wordle. It forces me to not immediately start scrolling. 

 

Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When? 

When I'm laughing with my family. Like, I can't believe they're mine; what did I do to get so lucky?

 

What is your most repetitive, negative thought? 

That I am not “enough,” or that what I bring to the table is inferior, or that my worth is dependent on what I do, not what I am.

 

What is your most repetitive, positive thought? 

“All is well, all will be well.” My clinical supervisor taught me this in school, and I use this mantra often with my clients and myself. 

 

What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?

How much boredom I had before having kids, and how badly I would like to be bored after having kids.

 

What are three things you want to put every woman onto? 

1.    Movement. Do movement that you love, and that makes you happy. Don't worry about calorie burning steps, or how it makes your body look. Stick to movement that makes your body feel good that you love. If it feels good, it'll be consistently done enough to see results. Moving regularly will let me keep up with my grandkids one day.

2.    Therapy. Obviously, I am biased from my profession, but learning how to sit with discomfort, address emotional issues in a safe space and manage emotionally, will change your life for the better and the lives of your future generations to come, if you want kids. I’m sad that good therapy is a privilege for too many.

3.    Take the trip when you can. Find a random place away from the touristy areas and talk to local people. The best part of traveling when you're young is meeting the people you meet. It's much harder to do it when you have kids (possible, but harder) and/or a job that doesn't allow you to get away.

 

Rank the following from most to least important: 

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t). 

Love, laughter, food, sex, money. In life, I need love the most, and you can have all the other four without money. And sometimes food is absolutely better than sex lol.

How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood? 

I have more respect for them. They did the best they could with the resources they had and what they were taught. They came from worse and gave me better. My mom worked on her feet every day and still cooked us hot, healthy dinners nightly. 

 

When do you feel most like yourself?

Alone. I am an introvert and refuel my emotional battery when I'm exercising or outside -  preferably both. 

 

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you? 

My mother told me, “You're like a cat—no matter how you fall, you always land on your feet.” It made me more brave to fail. 

 

How do you feel about falling in love?

Falling in love is the exciting part - but people never talk about the behind the scenes, hard work of staying in love. I fell deeply in love at 17, but it didn't last because we didn't know how to do the hard work - the emotional work around the true intimacy of shared emotions, good and bad. You have to be able to have the scary conversations, the brutal honesty, the sit-down talks to stay in love. The relationship is based on fake intimacy or disingenuousness if that true honesty hurts it. 

 

What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

The polarization of politics. I feel like the separation and close-mindedness of both “sides” is particularly frustrating. People aren't that different - they just express the same needs in different ways.

 

How often do you feel alone?

As a mom of small children, I wish to feel alone more often. It requires a schedule, carving out time alone, and juggling and organizing. I realize it's a privilege to feel like this, and I remember how painful loneliness was when I was single and in my 20s. 

 

What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime? 

I hope everyone gets to have a belly laugh with their partner in bed. The kind where you feel your stress dissolve when meet their crinkly eyes and just connect in laughter. The kind that's a half inside joke, and is only funny to you both, and you can feel all your worries dissolve for that instant. This is intimacy greater than sex to me.  

 

What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

Addiction.

 

What is the best decision you’ve ever made?

Getting my Masters degree, and - this is cheesy – but, marrying my husband. He holds the mirror to my personal growth, challenges me to hold the hard conversations which have deepened our closeness, has grounded me every single time I’ve freaked out, is the most thoughtful and logical human on this planet, and I wouldn't be the person that I am today without him. I am envious that my girls get to be raised by a father like him.

 

 

When do you feel most at ease?

By the ocean or by any body of water. I need to see the water every day. I am happiest swimming in (warm!) ocean water. I also need to walk outside every day, rain or shine.

 

What does having a successful life mean to you? 

Being content with yourself and your choices inside your own skin. Not worrying what people think about you one damn bit. Having loved ones love you back deeply. Somehow giving back to the community that gave so much to me.

 

How often do you think about your body? 

Too often. I carried twins past term for my pregnancy, my belly skin was stretched past capacity, and I'm self-conscious of it. I am proud of what my body did, but not the wrinkly result afterward. I feel ashamed that I have internalized societal standards of what women's tummies “should” look like. I can't bring myself to “just rock it, girl!” 

 

When do you ask for help?

When it's too late and I am overwhelmed and cranky. I think I can do it all because I want the feeling of completing ~all the things~ (where my incorrect idea of my worth stems from), which backfires repeatedly. My husband is helpful and reminds me of this, but I still can't before I'm drowning.

 

What is something you feel strongly about?

Window seats, whole milk in lattes, being kind to servers, pedicures, sleep hygiene (I couldn't sleep when my girls were babies, and now that I get to, I absolutely do), and that a house isn't a home without a dog or cat. 

 

BONUS: tell me something good.

The ozone layer is repairing itself faster than researchers anticipated!

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