#356. painting, personal desires & maladaptive daydreaming

Age: 26

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: Customer Support/ Policy Intern

Income: 70k

Astrological Sign: Leo Sun Virgo Moon Cap rising

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

I miss painting. I used to make time for it, but work/life has kind of gotten in the way.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

My mom used to drill into my head that it’s okay to start over and try again if I wasn’t automatically good at something. I would get so frustrated when things didn’t come naturally to me. It’s something I’ve had to remind myself of more often in this stage of life than I ever have before.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

When I was growing up, I had confidence issues regarding my looks, like many girls. I hated it when people told me I should just love myself more and said that self-esteem was solely my responsibility. I believe you can sometimes love yourself in spite of what people say, sure, but our environment plays a HUGE role. It’s easy to feel great when you’re affirmed everywhere (at home, in the media, socially, etc.).

When have you felt most accepted?

On rare occasions, one of my friends and I are in the same city and have free time to hang out (it’s so hard now)...I feel the most accepted with them. We always end up telling one another, no matter where we are in life, how proud we are of each other and congratulating each other for whatever we have going on—even the simple things.

When have you felt most supported?

My bestie from college gave me a place to live for weeks when I decided to move, no questions asked. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me, and I love him so much.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

I’ve put off my law school application for a few years now because I’m struggling with the LSAT and aiming for a T-14 Law School. I haven’t had a serious relationship yet, and I want to start dating, but I’m avoiding it until I’ve fixed myself up a bit (ugh, cliché, I know). I’ve had a few flings, but nothing as deep as I crave, really.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I’m finally submitting my law school apps this year, and I’m scared as hell. But I don’t want to put it off any longer. I think I’m strong enough now that if I get rejected, I won’t be too ashamed to try again. I’ve created these invisible judges and time-keepers in my mind, but really, I’m on my own time, and nothing else matters.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

I will create a life for you without struggle and anxiety. I will have the Brownstone, become a multi-hyphen professional, and open myself to love. I want to explore all my interests — law, photography, ballet, songwriting, etc.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

My parents made it a point for me to stay the course of my dreams, so I won’t have to struggle like they did. They don’t care where I find my purpose as long as I commit to creating a good life for myself, and I plan on keeping that promise.

How do you cope with stress?

Healthy answer: Rest and spending time outside. If I have too much on my plate, I’ll drop everything for a nap. I also love to walk for hours with my music and daydream the day away.

Unhealthy answer: Buying things I do not need and carb loading.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

Right after I graduated from college, I got rid of all my belongings, packed up one suitcase, and moved to Madrid to teach English for a year and some change. I had no one there to assist in the transition, and my Spanish was elementary at best. I got an apartment, set up my utilities/visas/etc, and held down two jobs (remote work) & studied for the LSAT all on my own. No one in my family has ever done something like that or had the freedom to do so. I feel so fortunate for that time in my life and miss it sooo much! Solo travel is my jam...I’ve been to 17 countries alone.

How do you celebrate yourself?

It’s been a minute since I’ve done so actually. For my birthday however, I’ve started a little tradition of staying in a nice hotel in the Swiss Alps and treating myself to spa treatments throughout the week, a few nice dinners and some type of jewelry. I like to spend it alone and be waited on. I missed last year and hopefully can continue in 2026. My life gets so hectic at times, the biggest gift I can give myself is rest.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Honestly, I don’t know...I feel like most people would say trust but I’m more of a trust you until you show me otherwise type of girl. Is that naïve?

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Love. I don’t feel I should have to perform or be of use to be loved. We should be loved for simply existing. I see love as a choice. I choose to love you here and now just because I said so.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

It’s rare that this happens, as I’m so not a plan B type of person. If I set my mind to one outcome, I prefer it over all else. I’m working on becoming less rigid.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

You know, even though I’m not where I want to be right now and I’ve made my journey to law school a lot more difficult than it should have been with some education/career choices, I still say no. Not being where I want to be right now is something that does cause me anxiety, but when I look back on the things I did with my time, I gave myself some beautiful experiences and made some great friends. My path hasn’t been straightforward and easy, but it’s been interesting, so I can’t say that I regret it.

What does being true to yourself mean?

I think it means showing up in a way that is reflective of your personal desires. If you were alone, would you choose the clothes you’re wearing, the job you’re pursuing, the media you consume? When you ask yourself these questions, you get to the root of who you truly are. You have to be unafraid to select the innate answer.

When do you feel in control?

In the world I’ve created in my maladaptive daydreams (haha). The world has been out of control, and every day is an “unprecedented” experience :/

When do you feel out of control?

During my panic attacks and when I’ve experienced depression and suicidal thoughts.

I used to think people who checked out couldn’t find the hope to go on, but that’s not always the case. I can remind myself of all the things I’m hopeful for in those moments, but your brain tells you it’s not important. I feel like two separate entities in those moments.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and...

it can change for the better in the blink of an eye!

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I heard a saying the other day that I really like. “It’s this or better.” It reminds me that while I may not get what I initially thought I wanted, I’ll never settle for less, so in the end…It’s this or better. ❤️