#355. earning respect, coral reef restoration & the right to rest fiercely

Age: 28

Relationship Status: In a relationship   

Occupation: Public Relations

Income: 90K

Astrological Sign: Scorpio

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

I’d like to think that I’d finally start one of my many archived hobbies—sewing, improv, and dance classes. Anything that gets me off the couch after work (and occasionally the gym).

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

Don’t come with complaints unless you’ve got ideas on how to make it better.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

“Just ignore it.” Silence doesn’t solve; it breeds resentment. Now, I speak up when something upsets me.

When have you felt most accepted?

Three years ago, when I was finding my footing in the city I live in. I met new friends, my partner, and got a job that wasn’t soul-sucking—it felt like a “come up.” I’ve always been bad with change, so that year of abundance was validating. The group’s grown apart since, which makes me nostalgic, but I’m so grateful for that chapter.

When have you felt most supported?

Since I moved across the country. My family is extremely supportive and loving now that we’re a healthy distance apart – and I’m wrestling with the guilt of being far away from them but also loving the relationship we have currently.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

Talking about the future. My partner and I have discussed marriage, kids, and moving back closer to our families. I want those things eventually, but I don’t feel like I’ve figured out my purpose—or my job—enough to make those moves yet.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I used to be terrified of my mom. She had a “scorched earth” mentality—unleashing her fury anywhere, anytime, then acting like nothing happened. I became cautious and withdrawn as a result. One day, I finally called her out, and it escalated physically. That low point pushed us into family counseling, and over the next decade, we repaired our relationship after she apologized. I know not everyone gets that closure, and I feel super lucky.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

Not letting anyone—or anything—continually disrupt my happiness.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

To stay in touch, regardless of distance or time. I made that commitment to several friends, some of whom live abroad. I still write monthly letters to them even if I haven’t seen them in years.

How do you cope with stress?

Depends on the level. If it’s mild, I distract myself by doing other tasks (and avoiding the real one, obviously). If it’s spicier, I’m under the covers doomscrolling for hours. Eventually, one or the other works well enough that I forget why I was stressed.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

Four years ago, I survived my first year in a city. I was dumped by a long-term partner, fired from a toxic job, and tore my ACL falling down a flight of stairs. It was my rock bottom—emotionally, mentally, and physically. But I made it through, and now I know I can handle almost anything life throws my way (not that I’m tempting fate).

How do you celebrate yourself?

Sleep. Eight to nine hours if I can swing it, and if not, I’ll nap. I guard my right to rest fiercely.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Respect and prestige. I was always lagging behind in school compared to my competitive peers—and was made fun of for it—so it’s still a chip on my shoulder. I’m pretty satisfied with my life now, but there’s still a part of me that feels like I can do better or that I’m lagging in comparison to others.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

A nurturing, restorative kind of peace. I think every woman deserves that in her life, and many of us don’t get nearly enough of it.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

I’m always changing my mind, especially when it comes to my career. The latest stint was thinking I wanted to be a physician’s assistant. I went through the process of getting a CNA license and taking classes, but once I started working at a nursing home on weekends, my eyes were really opened to the abuse inside the healthcare system. I quit after a month, but gained an even greater respect for what our healthcare workers, especially nurses and CNAs, do.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Sometimes I wish I could take back that CNA experience or the time I’ve “wasted” career-wise—but honestly, I’ve learned so much about myself through it all.

What does being true to yourself mean?

I feel most myself when I’m trying something new – solo traveling, getting my scuba diving certification, even small things like reading a new book or going to a new spot for a sweet treat. My newest dream is to participate in a coral reef restoration project.

When do you feel in control?

When things are harmonious - when the playlist is hitting, people are getting along, and we’re all just having a good time.

When do you feel out of control?

Anytime there’s conflict - even when I have to stand my ground or say no, I get extremely anxious until things are smoothed over. It’s a work in progress.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

If you don’t take up space, other people will take up yours.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

To my 16-year-old self: I am happy to report we are still in great health, despite that one time you ate 18 Krispy Kreme donuts in a single sitting. Our mutual love for sweets lives on—but now we pace ourselves (mostly).