#353. "you always know how you feel, you're just too scared to say it."

Age: 36

Relationship Status: single w/ a 9-month-old

Occupation: Social Worker

Income: $74k

Astrological Sign: Cancer sun/ Sagittarius moon

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

Take that hour to sit with my feelings of being a single mother, I’m still trying to cope; read a damn good book, listen to jazz, and sit in my comfy clothes.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

“You always know how you feel, you’re just too scared to say it.”

“You’ll know when you’re tired, you ain't tired yet...”- referring to relationships.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

I couldn’t tell you. I don’t always listen to what people say, especially if it sounds stupid.

When have you felt most accepted?

I’ve never thought about this because I don’t care about acceptance. I’ve had the same group of girlfriends since high school and/or college—I don’t go anywhere I am not wanted.

When have you felt most supported?

When my girls are listening to me and helping me find the humor in this crazy little life we all live.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

Facing and accepting that I’m really a single mother. I’m not the first woman to go through it or the last, but this is MY life, and it shook me to my core.  

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

Yes! I was scared to take on singlehood with a child out of financial fear, but I worked through and found a way to make ends meet. So, kudos to me, I confronted a fear!

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

To always meet people where they are at.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

I will always be here.

How do you cope with stress?

I am trying to figure that out as we speak. I would like to say I try to find the humor in what’s stressing me out.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

I am proud of the way I handled my pregnancy, as scary and as isolating as it was, as lonely as it was. I learned to surrender and deepen my relationship with God. I learned how to pivot.

How do you celebrate yourself?

By getting pretty and grabbing drinks, or buying candles, or throwing a fabulous party.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Nothing. Respect should be given, kindness should be given, love should be given - unless something happens to show you otherwise.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Love, respect, honesty.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

Literally 5 minutes ago, deciding whether or not I wanted to talk to a client because I wasn’t sure if I had the mental capacity and emotional space to meet with them today.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

I don’t regret my daughter at all. I would do it a million times over to have her, but the partner I chose —I wish I could take back. I wish I could take back the time invested. I wish the money invested could be given back.

What does being true to yourself mean?

When your ideal self and real self ACTUALLY match. That’s being true to yourself, because everything you said and wanted aligned with each other without compromising your core values.

When do you feel in control?

Never. What even is control? I can only control my emotions/reactions to things. I gave up on this idea of control once I got pregnant.

When do you feel out of control?

All the time. Things are always happening, and they are out of my control. Like, my tire went flat this morning, my daughter shit herself, I had all these plans to be at work early… nothing went how I wanted it to, and I just laugh because what else can I do?

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I just want to live, love, and laugh- literally.  I just want to enjoy it, man.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I am doing Halloween pictures with my daughter. Mommy and me costumes. I am going to be Cruella, and she’s gonna be a little dalmatian. I’m so excited because she’s gonna be so cute!