#351. A New Set of Questions is Here!

Age: 31 (turning 32 this month!)

Relationship Status: the most single I’ve been in 6 years

Occupation: Women’s Self-Development Coach, Author & Founder of TLD HER

Income: Fluctuates based on book sales, how many clients I have and whatever other projects I have going on at the moment

Astrological Sign: Scorpio Sun (+ Stellium), Aquarius Moon, Aries Rising

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

I want to say sleep, because that would be ideal, but I have a really hard time sleeping, so it’s also unrealistic. I would probably write—I find that's the most difficult thing to fit into my current days, but I’m co-authoring a book right now, so I could use all the extra time I can get.  

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

“Don’t ask for directions from someone who has never been where you are going.”

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

I’ve been given lots of terrible advice. I have always done things my own way, so any advice that has been about conformity has been particularly off-putting.

When have you felt most accepted?

When I have accepted myself. Five years ago, I read a book called “Radical Acceptance,” and it changed the way I thought about myself: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Two years after that, I did the Hoffman Process Essentials, and it helped me realize how reliant I was on public perception and the approval of others (and how that was hurting me more than helping). Both epiphanies lead me on a path of true self-love, understanding, and compassion.

When have you felt most supported?

I feel so supported by this community! You are ALL incredible, and send me the kindest, most uplifting messages about this 20 Questions project, every single day. I guess I feel most supported when my work is received as intended.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

Ugh. I’m always avoiding anything to do with budgeting and finances—it’s my least favorite part of business and life.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I am not someone who has a lot of fear. I grew up with life-threatening food allergies and was reminded of the fragility of my own life often. If death is constantly on the table (pun intended), you have two options: live in fear and have massive anxiety that prevents you from living your life, OR live intentionally and trust that everything else will meet you halfway. I chose the latter.

That said, in the off chance that fear does come up, I confront it head-on. Death and discomfort are the only things we all actually fear – I’m at peace with both.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

I have truly done everything I ever said I would.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

I am a Scorpio through and through – I have promised many people that I would keep their secrets and I have – I am a vault.

How do you cope with stress?

I go inward. Stress takes a massive, physical toll on me, so I rest through it. I need time to recharge, and I have learned that when I feel stressed, it’s a signal to slow down, not to speed up.

Side note: since the pandemic, whenever I am really stressed, I have dreams of myself smoking a cigarette on a balcony somewhere—it’s become my internal tell (haha).

What is a moment you are most proud of?

The first thing that comes to mind is seeing the first copy of my book, “Everyday Affirmations”. It just felt special, and I couldn’t believe I actually did it, especially during a very difficult time in my life.

How do you celebrate yourself?

This month (yes, the whole month), it’s all about my birthday, and I will celebrate many times with many different groups of people that I have collected throughout my life. Otherwise, I love taking myself out to a nice solo dinner, I love treating myself to a deep tissue massage, and I love writing letters to myself when I accomplish things - it’s a good way to capture the essence of celebration and my feelings, plus it's fun to look back on moments I’m proud of.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

I have done so much work around not feeling guilty about resting, but I still sometimes feel old beliefs creeping back in that I should be more productive. As an entrepreneur, my entire career depends on my ability to stay self-motivated, and when I slow down —even for a few hours—it can feel like I’m being lazy. I’m much better than I used to be, but it took burnout to make me realize that rest is a necessity and a right, not a privilege.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

I think everyone is inherently worthy of love, happiness, and the ability to create a life that feels good to them as an individual (whatever that may mean).

When was the last time you changed your mind?

After disliking coconut for 31 years, I’ve recently become obsessed with it.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

No. I apologize when necessary, but I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Being true to myself means choosing myself, always.

When do you feel in control?

All the time, especially when my home is clean, organized, and in order… which is all the time.

When do you feel out of control?

When I’m with my family.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I am going to max it out.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

Instacart has a community cart feature in its app that lets you send food directly to different food banks and non-profits in your area. It’s a super easy way to give to your community and help those in need.

ALSO, I FUCKING LOVE YOU ALL!

Thank you for being here – it’s my honor to be able to give women a platform to be unapologetically themselves, and I learn so much from each and every one of you.