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Writer's pictureDevyn Penney

#35. spotify, silliness and feeling seen




Age: 31

Relationship Status:  In a Relationship

Occupation:  Physical Therapist

Income:  90k

Astrological Sign: Taurus (and I barely know that, LOL)

 

What is the first thing you do when you wake up? 

Yell at my Google alarm and phone to stop ringing, head to the bathroom, and turn on the shower.

 

Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When? 

Gosh, I wish. I’m beginning to believe that “genuine fulfillment” is becoming less and less attainable in our world because so much of it is based on societal standards. I often find myself looking around at my co-workers, friends, and passersby, and I realize how behind I feel in every aspect of my life. I’m in a happy/healthy relationship, but not married. I think they are “my person,” and that marriage is a possibility, but there is a high likelihood we may not have kids. I just feel like a lot of people consider themselves fulfilled based on the family they create or what society views as important, so I’m not sure where I fit in.

 

What is your most repetitive, negative thought?

That I’m annoying and that if I disappeared, no one would notice.

 

What is your most repetitive, positive thought?

I am one of the funniest people I know. The way I can make someone laugh and change the tension in the room by witty banter and a silly comment is my superpower.

 

What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?

Living to adulthood is a gift, but IT’S EXPENSIVE AF. Why is breathing $100 and then it inflates to $250 if you decide to breathe outside? I have to remind myself often that my parents worked very hard to provide for myself and my brother but that this is not the same economy I grew up in. There are just some things financially that will take me longer to acquire than it might have taken them, and it is not my fault, just the nature of the beast.

 

What are three things you want to put every woman onto? 

  1. Spotify Premium. I know no one wants another subscription BUT on long drives you’ve got your audiobooks, podcasts, playlists you made, or just the “release radar” of new songs that fit your vibe…all of which you can download for about $10 a month. Plus, it’s compatible with iPhone and Android users, so you can make group playlists with your friends before that group getaway.

  2. The Chobani flip Greek yogurt bowls. I HATED Greek yogurt until I found these in the last 2 weeks. Now, it’s a quick breakfast when I wait too long to get ready for work but still need to eat something before my first patient. Plus, it has a decent amount of protein until I wake up earlier for an omelet or make myself a waffle, haha.

  3. The TV show “Living Single.” It’s an oldie but goodie, like a full-on girl power show. Hulu has it, and it’s good for a much-needed laugh, 90s-style or outfit inspiration, and just a reminder that we all need people in our lives who make us laugh, guard our hearts, call us out on our bullshit, and root for us at the end of the day.

 

Rank the following from most to least important:

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).

  1. Love. I thought I could live without love until I met my girlfriend. But now, she’s all I think about, and I wake up smiling every day, knowing that I get to hear her voice and that we get to root for each other in life.

  2. Laughter is my favorite thing to be surrounded by outside of love.

  3. Sex is hard to enjoy without love and laughter.

  4. Food is important, but I’m always down for a girl dinner (goldfish and a PB&J sandwich).

  5. Money. As someone who has always had 2 to 3 jobs, money comes and goes. There is always an opportunity to make more money, but you can’t spend so much time making money that you miss out on love, laughter, and intimacy/sex.

 

How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood? 

I think my parents are still learning that I’m an adult and that the “raising” of me is complete. They mean well, but they have expectations and dreams for me that they still need to let go of - I think they are trying their best to grow with me. I have found myself practicing more patience in our interactions and acknowledging that they’ve never had adult kids before, so they are still learning, too.

 

When do you feel most like yourself?

When I’m in baggy sweatpants and a hockey jersey watching a hockey game. When I’m simply comfortable and not trying to impress anyone in heels or a fancy outfit; not stressing about if I’ll do something embarrassing like spill something on my shirt or if my stomach looks flat enough in the dress. Just enjoying my own existence with no expectations from myself and not feeling overwhelmed by anyone’s expectations for me either.

 

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you? 

Last Christmas, I bought small ducks in the shape of cars decorated in Christmas gear/hats to give to patients. One of my patients was having a tough day, and I gave him a blue one that matched the color of his car, which I remembered he had mentioned at a prior session. He was so caught off guard that he said he couldn’t wait to put the duck on his dashboard and that my thoughtful gesture “made his day.”

 

How do you feel about falling in love?

I think it’s scary and confusing but oh so wonderful. You question if you’ve ever had this feeling before and what to do with all the feelings and emotions surrounding it. You worry that it will go away if you dive in too deeply or let yourself embrace it. But to love and be loved is an honor I hope everyone experiences at least once.

 

What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

“Smile”. ‘Cause sometimes I don’t want to. Sometimes, my mind is racing, and when I am deep in thought, RBF it is.

 

How often do you feel alone? 

All the time. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could say I always felt included and surrounded by people I care about, but I rarely do. I went to school much longer than most of my friends (7 years vs the more common 4). I am also one of the few who work in healthcare. While I was studying, they were traveling and creating families, and I am just now exploring those things. I’m also in a long-distance relationship, and I work at a job where time off is hard to come by, so I often feel stuck and waiting while everyone else appears to be living.

 

What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?

Romantic Love. True, genuine, you don’t have to earn it, covers you like a warm blanket, love.

 

What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

Depression. It’s a b*tch.

 

What is the best decision you’ve ever made? 

Moving away from my hometown. The lessons I learned and the people I met finding my way and exploring my own needs vs. the needs imposed by my family and hometown friends has been life-changing. You can always move back; it doesn’t have to be permanent, but sometimes a fresh start somewhere new can awaken a strength and courage within you that didn’t previously exist.

 

When do you feel most at ease? 

When I am listening to music and singing along or dancing wherever I am. Music is such a good escape for me.

 

What does having a successful life mean to you? 

To me, it means having contentment in every area. Maybe not being the richest, or living in the biggest home, or having the nicest car, but simply appreciating that having a safe home to house friends and build community and a safe, running car to get from place to place or visit somewhere new is just as good.

 

How often do you think about your body?

A lot. I think about every scar, each sign of acne, the size of my hips and breasts, all the things. I think about how they will look in 20 or 30 years and whether I’ll be upset with what aging does or if, by then, I’ll welcome aging with open arms because it means I survived a lot of the “hard parts” of adulthood.

 

When do you ask for help?

Never, lol. But I’m working on it. It is hard for me to ask for help because I am used to no one showing up when I need them. I’ve learned not to ask for fear of being rejected or disappointed. It’s not healthy, I know, but I’m working on it.

 

What is something you feel strongly about?

I’m sure this seems obvious and juvenile, but “Treat everyone the way you want to be treated.” Life is hard enough; don’t make anyone’s day harder than it needs to be. ALSO, if you can help, HELP. If you want to make someone’s day, pay for their coffee in the drive-thru. If you see a kid in a store, make a silly face to make them laugh or smile. If you want to radiate joy to those who encounter you, dance in the street. Whatever it takes to remind each other we aren’t alone, we matter, and we are SEEN.

 

BONUS: Tell me something good. 

I finally travel to Europe again in October, and I am SO excited. I am very overdue for a vacation, and I can’t wait to drink all the wine and eat all the food.

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