#325. good sex, saturn returns & singing out loud

Age: 28

Relationship Status: Single AF

Occupation: Microbiologist/Grad student

Income: Around $13,500 stipend yearly, salaries here aren’t the best, especially for grad students.

Astrological Sign: Virgo sun, Pisces Moon, Aries rising, Libra mercury, Cancer mars and Venus (my kryptonite :’) )

How are you, really?

I’m well, I’m satisfied, could be better financially but good things take time to build, and I am building one day at a time.

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

I have stopped expecting too much from others, I think I used to put too much pressure on people, had many expectations, perhaps even projected the capable part of myself onto others hoping they would mirror what I had shown/done.

What is something you hope never changes?

My drive and willingness to try, to fall and get up time and time again. My therapist asked me what’s something I’m proud of in myself, I told her how my parents would tell me how stubborn I am and how I now reframe this stubbornness as my will and determination to always be more me.

When do you feel most capable?

When I know the answers and when I’m able. It is such a gift to learn things and get to that place of knowing it makes me feel capable of anything! Whenever I do things on my own and actually finish things.

How do you nurture yourself?

Good food, a nice steak and fries, and a triple chocolate cake, always. A nice yap session with my girls (mom, sisters, or friends) is a ritual. An amazing book, good music, and therapy on those hard days!

How do you nurture others?

I like being present for my people, just a listening ear for all times, I try to create a place where they can be themselves, a safe and cozy space.

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

I wish I had told my parents earlier about the CSA I had suffered at the hands of a family member.

What is something that turns you on?

Wittiness, I love when someone can freely be themselves. Warmth - if you make me feel cozy and happy, but also power (not that physical or brute kind) I like the kind that is unyielding, people who are sure of who they are, knowledgeable, intelligent!

What is something that turns you off?

Arrogance, negativity, ungrateful people, you know people that suck up all the positivity, that repels me instantly!

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

My last job I literally quiet quit it and I was so scared but I did it, for my mental wellbeing. It’s very hard for me to let go of things, but working as an essential worker during the pandemic broke something in me; I don’t think I’ll work a “normal job” anytime soon.

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

Not often enough! I’m very prone to overindulgence, I blame my ADHD and my libra stellium, but every new day is a new chance to achieve it.

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

I’ve taken many risks in life, like planning my 10th birthday party without my parents knowing (it worked out the party was great my parents are still impressed to this day), I think I’m mastering the art of pivoting in this lifetime, I got into medical school at 18, but midway I got a chance to study in Asia so I dropped out and went to discover the world, its paying off, it will pay off in the long run, whenever It feels bleak I just remind myself of this quote by Dr Seuss, “You’ll move mountains!”

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

When I have to deal with adult responsibilities, making appointments, adulting things, they seem so small and meaningless, but to me, I have to block a whole day off my schedule just to deal with them when I need to start or finish something.

How do you move forward?

Through prayer and setting intentions, literally, for new beginning and ties to end old things. It’s very hard for me to end or to start things, so I need a gentle push of signs and prayers of “everything will be fine” little assurances to proverbially move forward, but once I set that ball in motion it’s go time and I always end up better than I could have ever expect.

What is something that will always make you laugh?

Wit, smart people with fast mouths, little babies cussing. And to this day play fighting with my brother and sisters.

What is something that will always make you cry?

The trauma I carry, the thought of how it influences how I go about my intimate relationships, the thought of not ever being able to heal, to forget – it always brings tears of either rage or sorrow to me.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Yes, unfortunately, childhood best friends that turned into foes, relationships that have soured, nothing that I carry, I just move on like I’ve never known them.

What is your greatest temptation?

I don’t know I’m not tempted by much because I try to indulge myself with everything. I don’t know, stealing? My weird thoughts talking loudly now.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

An intimate relationship, good sex, I haven’t been in a relationship like ever, despite dating, I’ve never been claimed as a girlfriend, and as I near 30, I want that.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

Life’s little joys, the sun, the beach, being with my friends, singing out loud, going to concerts, I went to see Hozier live, and I felt alive.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I’m beginning my Saturn’s return actually all 1996-1998 babies are beginning theirs, mine is in my first house and I’m so excited, I know there’s so much humdrum about how hard it is, and how you will change, but I am beyond excited to shed what and who I was before, I want a glow up, I want to go through this fire and be reborn like phoenix purified as gold. Even if I am afraid. Life is good and will get better.

Songs listened to when writing this:

SZA- Drew Barrymore

SZA- Supermodel

Willow Smith- Female energy pt 2

The internet- Hold On

Yebba- Waterfall

Jungle- Keep me satisfied

Kali Uchis- Tyrant

Ms Lauryn Hill- I gotta find peace of mind

Cleo Sol- When I’m in your arms

MARO-Saudade

Hozier-Run

Rachel Chinouriri- So my darling

Sara Bareilles- No such thing

SZA-20 something

SZA-Go Gina

Azealia Banks- Treasure Island

Love and Light!