#324. losing time, looking for love & change waiting to happen

Age: 27

Relationship Status: Chronically single

Occupation: Family Therapist

Income: $99,430

Astrological Sign: Taurus

How are you, really?

Content. Scared. Sad. Happy. Proud. I constantly ride these and so many other emotions like a wave. I am answering these questions while I’m sitting in a café on a trip I took spontaneously, and feel so much gratitude that I can do that, that I have the freedom, both financially and emotionally, to make these choices. But on the flip side, I also feel like I’m losing. Losing to time passing and not being where I thought I would be. So, to answer the question, I’m okay.

What is something you hope never changes?

My passion for my work. It’s been such a hard year professionally; I’ve been tested to my limits and have found myself questioning if it's worth it. For now, I’m pushing through because I want to keep showing up for my clients who’ve trusted me with their stories and hurt.

When do you feel most capable?

When I do/figure something out that I didn’t think I could do. I constantly remind myself, “I can do hard things.” It's such a seemingly innocuous thing, but doubt can seep in quicker than you think, and I find that audibly reminding myself of my resilience makes me likely to give something a try.

How do you nurture yourself?

Having/cooking a really good meal, spending time with people I love, cuddling my dog, reading a good book, watching Grey’s Anatomy (although that’s more trauma than nurturing, you know?), and therapy.

How do you nurture others?

By showing up for them. Reminding them of the value their presence holds in my life.

What is something that turns you on?

Good conversations, genuine curiosity, and when someone absentmindedly touches you, like it's second nature.

What is something that turns you off?

When people conceal intrusiveness as interest and don’t respect boundaries.

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

I walked away from a platonic relationship with someone that shouldn’t have existed in the first place (so many layers, so much context missing, sorry!) because I realised that while they were a good person, their goodness could no longer salvage some of the choices they made. I wish them well, but from far, far away.

How do you move forward?

By reminding myself that change is always waiting to happen. I’ve always been deeply petrified of change, scared that I will lose those feelings and moments and will never be able to replicate them. But some of my irreplaceable memories were born from the very change that I fought like no tomorrow. Moving forward doesn’t mean you have to move on, you can always revisit.

What is something that will always make you cry?

A sad movie/show, a dog video, songs, memories, the thought of my loved ones and dog dying, being with people I love, and wishing that the moment lasts forever. I cry a lot, haha. Sometimes I schedule in a good cry sesh to relieve my pent-up emotions. It helps!

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

Romantic love. I’ve never given romantic love any more value than any other type of love in my life, and I genuinely don't feel alone, but I can’t help but wonder why this has never happened for me. Will it ever happen? I know there are some deep wounds there from my childhood, and I’ve been working on them. A couple of years ago, I realized I’m Demisexual, which has changed how I approach dating. For now, I’m reminding myself that these thoughts are a reflection of the pain, not the truth.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I found the cutest dress in my size while thrifting the other day, which honestly made my week!