#323. romance novels, buying a one way ticket & just existing

Age: 24

Relationship Status: Chronically single

Occupation: Group home support for adults with disabilities & part-time respite for children with disabilities

Income: 55k

Astrological Sign: Cancer

How are you, really?

Really going for the jugular with this first one! I think I am doing okay some of the time, and really not at others. I’m an expert at compartmentalizing and shoving things down, so I do well and then really, really badly, depending on when I’m being asked! You’ve caught me at a good time right now!

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

It’s mostly been a mindset change. I had an accident in June, so I’ve been off work since then, and I’ve made the decision to quit my job(s) rather than go back. I’ve decided that in January 2025, I’m going to pack a backpack, book a one-way ticket to Australia, and solo travel around the world for 7 months or however long I feel like! Not much has physically/materially changed in my life since I decided to do this, but I feel like my life path going forward has and I can already feel myself becoming a different person even in the planning phase (and I say ‘planning’ loosely since I’m only going to book hostels for the first week or so and then wing-it the rest of the time, which is so unlike my type-A personality!) I just know that I’m about to step into this whole new world and a whole new me, and I can feel myself already changing to accommodate it.

What is something you hope never changes?

I hope my relationship with my siblings and parents never changes in terms of our closeness. All four of my siblings and I are lucky to be able to still live with our parents to save money, and as we’ve gotten older, my siblings have become my closest friends. I wish we could all live together forever and always have those impromptu chats in the kitchen that end with us in tears laughing, but I hope we never lose the closeness.

When do you feel most capable?

When I’m at work. I work in a difficult field supporting people with disabilities, which can get violent, stressful, and very emotionally draining, but I have been in this line of work since I was 15 and am extremely good at it. I definitely feel capable when I am able to support a client in meeting a goal, learning a new skill, or even de-escalating aggressive behaviors.

How do you nurture yourself?

Not well! I don’t think I’ve actually found anything that works to really recharge my batteries. I absolutely love reading, taking baths, and baking, but even those things feel like things I do to avoid real life somehow, and I almost feel like I’m wasting time by doing them.

How do you nurture others?

I nurture my clients at work, for sure, but I’m also the person people vent to when they need someone to listen. I’m the friend who puts together candy baskets when I know someone is going through a hard time!

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

I wish I asked for help. I was too young and didn’t know how.

What is something that turns you on?

Physically, a man’s man who can boss me around in specific situations! Personality-wise, make me laugh, and we’re in business!

What is something that turns you off?

Arrogance, ignorance, or a superiority complex. Grow up.

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

My friendship group from high school. It wasn’t even a hard decision. I was really depressed at the time, and I thought to myself, ‘Why am I friends with these people who make it so much worse?’, so I just blocked them all after graduation.

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

Never. But I have high hopes!

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

I bought a car when I was 17 with a loan, which felt very scary at the time, but now I have a fully paid-off car that’s still in great shape!

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

When I know I am not achieving my full potential and feel like I have to do everything at once to meet it.

How do you move forward?

Ignore ignore ignore. Not the best move I’ll admit.

What is something that will always make you laugh?

I have this note on my phone that I started in 2018, and whenever I or someone I’m with says something that’s like pee-yourself funny, I write it down with the date, and it, without fail, makes everyone laugh anytime I go through it.

What is something that will always make you cry?

Nothing, I literally haven’t cried one time since high school, and yes, I know how messed up that is.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Only by me. I betrayed myself when I started down a path that led to eating disorders, depression, weight problems, and social anxiety, and I feel like I betray myself every day when I don’t take all the steps to fix this.

What is your greatest temptation?

Leaving. Buying a small house on a lake somewhere with a job I can work from home and just existing. With many dogs.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

Genuine happiness and self-love. All of my problems would no longer be. I’d have the confidence to make friends, date, and appreciate more what I have and what I’ve accomplished.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

Fantasy romance books. It’s an addiction at this point that I picked up in Covid and now no man will ever meet my standards because what do you mean you’re not a fully emotionally developed man who is some king-or-something-similar who wants me to live in a castle and be pretty for a living!!?

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I just bought the first things I’m bringing with me on my backpacking trip and it’s starting to feel real!