#320. hope, ridiculous happiness & putting it in writing

Age: 27

Relationship Status: Relationship (long distance)

Occupation: Freelance Writer…desperate for a big girl job

Income: 25,000

Astrological Sign: Taurus sun, Libra moon, Leo rising

How are you, really?

It changes every day. But if I’m being brutally honest, I’m somewhere between depressed and knowing I’m going to be ridiculously happy someday.

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

To finally start writing my blog and picking my novel back up. It’s been my dream since I was a little girl to be an author, so I’m so proud to put action towards that finally!

What is something you hope never changes?

My love for writing, my love for becoming a better writer, my hope that things will always get better.

When do you feel most capable?

After I read over something I just wrote, it pierces my heart and makes me feel like I can fly, lol.

How do you nurture yourself?

Long walks, making playlists, watching new films, journaling, daydreaming.

How do you nurture others?

I listen to them and ask them about their lives. Although I live far from my loved ones, I commit to daily Facetime calls and texting.

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

Every time I think of something, I realize nothing would’ve changed. Sometimes, silence is the best answer. I’ll always put it in my writing, either way.

What is something that turns you on?

People who give a damn. My boyfriend supports my work and encourages me to keep writing and applying to jobs even though it’s been hell. I feel seen.

What is something that turns you off?

People who put false narratives and projections on me. Shoo!

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

Three months ago, I walked away from a job that made me feel evil inside…well, technically, they fired me — but I am free, so whatever!

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

Rarely. I’m floating right now. I’ll get there…I trust myself to figure it out.

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

My boyfriend. It's long distance, and it’s hard, but I feel so loved. My world has opened back up, and he’s inspired me to keep being creative and not let my circumstances discourage me.

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

1st of the month, baby.

How do you move forward?

I say, “All I have is now. I trust my future self will handle this,” and I go sit by some trees and cry. It all passes eventually.

What is something that will always make you laugh?

My sister! We’re best friends, and we have our own little language.

What is something that will always make you cry?

My time of being a girl and close with my dad was taken away by my stepmom. She was jealous of our relationship. I have so much animosity towards them both, and it’s a permanent scar. Thankfully, she has weak ankles, so I pray she trips on cobblestone.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Yes.

What is your greatest temptation?

Cutting off everyone and moving to Montana to live with horses.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

Friends. Real friends.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

Writing my novel. It’s speculative fiction and based on my childhood. No matter how low I get, it brings me back. I have a lot of work to do and a lot more living.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I’m going to be applying to PhD programs so I can research the things I love and one day teach other women.