#319. rituals, persistence and inevitable evolution

Age: 27

Relationship Status: Married (6 years in February)

Occupation: Technical Data Consultant

Income: 95,000

Astrological Sign: Sag Sun, Virgo Moon, Sag Rising (for the astrology girlies)

How are you, really?

I am surprisingly pretty good. My mental health has always been fragile, and life has thrown an exceptional number of challenges. Nothing is perfect or particularly great, but I have so many small wins that make it all worthwhile. As I age, my ability to handle stress and maintain a sense of resilience has strengthened, which has helped my mental health tremendously.

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

I have made so many changes this year! I moved across the country, quit vaping after vaping for the last 6 years religiously, quit drinking alcohol (drinking issues), and have finally started putting my health and happiness first. My greatest change has been the ability to persist in doing things that are good for me even if I do not particularly like them in the short term.

What is something you hope never changes?

Life is always evolving, and I believe that embracing change is essential to growth. Instead of wishing for things to stay the same, I focus on what I hope will continue—like my faith in humanity and my willingness to grow. Those are the constants I strive to hold onto, no matter what surprises life brings.

When do you feel most capable?

That’s such a great question. There are so many occasions I have felt capable. I feel especially capable when I master difficult things or test my mental strength. I just finished my second to last semester of my master's. I felt like giving up so many times (machine learning made me miserable). I did not give up and managed to keep hope when I thought I would not be able to finish all my assignments. I was so stressed with my job and the deadlines I had to meet, and nothing was working in my favor. Maybe, feeling capable is feeling like you can prevail regardless of how impossible something may seem. I feel very capable when I do not allow my adhd to stop me from thinking I can achieve things.

How do you nurture yourself?

You might think I’m a little kooky, but I’ve developed so many rituals for self-soothing and wellness. I feel like my therapist always supports and enables my never-ending list of hobbies/activities. I would say I nurture myself by catering to some of my obsessions. I drink a lot of tea, do yoga daily, swim regularly, sauna daily, walk outside +walking pad, do red light therapy, we have a crafts room and have so many items and practices to keep my peace that I do not think there is enough space to detail everything I might pick up in a week. It all depends on my mood. I am also not beneath lying in bed for far too long and binging on whatever I am obsessing about if the time calls for it. All in all, I nurture myself by never settling for the things that I want and trying to engage in joyful practices when life gets stressful.

How do you nurture others?

I nurture others by paying attention to them. I prefer to show my love with acts of service, but I try to meet individuals I care about where they are at. I am hesitant to flesh out my ideas on this anymore because it feels insincere to my care for others.

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

This is a tough question. I tried typing an answer to multiple situations that I have had in my life multiple times now, and nothing has stuck. I have experienced the death of quite a few people whom I care deeply about. I cannot stand here and say that I do not regret some of the things I have said versus not said before they died. If I could offer any advice, it would be to always hold true to your heart in a conversation with someone, listen to your gut feelings. Unfortunately, we do not know when it will be the last time we will have the opportunity to do so.

What is something that turns you on?

I am going to rephrase this to, ‘What would you like to see?’ I would answer: people being people and doing human things. It costs nothing to be kind to yourself and others.

What is something that turns you off?

I really don’t like it when people refuse to help themselves or accept help. I do not like seeing people be inauthentic and insincere in their intentions. I should not care that much, but that is still a work in progress for me.

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

I feel like I’m always re-adjusting and pivoting away from things that aren’t right for me now. I can’t pinpoint a specific example to share, but I think it’s important to recognize the small moments when you make choices for yourself. Whether it’s deciding what to eat, what to watch, or how to spend your time after work, you always have the power to change your mind and choose what’s best for you.

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

I always have high hopes when it comes to planning my schedule and setting daily goals. If balance were accomplishing everything I had hoped for, I would never achieve it. I would say balance is achieved when I am able to accomplish a few things at work and home and a thing or two for myself while showing up for the people I care about.

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

My husband and I got married two weeks after knowing each other. We have been married for 5 years and could not imagine my last 5 years of life being any different. I also cannot picture a future without my husband and my pets in it. I would say that was a huge risk that did not turn out too badly.

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

ALL THE TIME. My husband and I did gene testing and found out we both have a mutation in the COMT gene that makes us more prone to stress. Add ADHD and executive dysfunction and overwhelm is kind of our default mode. Thinking too much about anything in particular can be overwhelming. I’ve found that the only way to manage is to stay consistent with practices that keep my mind, body, and spirit at peace.

How do you move forward?

Quickly. I think the best way to move forward is to pivot slightly and keep going without stressing about the outcome. You’ll get there when you get there, and it can’t be that bad.

What is something that will always make you laugh?

Dogs in silly costumes. People who take themselves too seriously. Tripping over something. TikTok. Embarrassing things that either I or my husband have done. Slapstick Comedy.

What is something that will always make you cry?

I’m a crybaby, honestly. It doesn’t take much sad or touching videos get me every time.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Yes, I have been betrayed. I have never been cheated on, but I have been betrayed in other ways. It can be harmful to your sense of self. For me, detaching with love and letting go of the expectations I had helps me move on.

What is your greatest temptation?

Returning to a life where I allow myself to have vices. I used to party and partook in substances in a way I thought was casual but after leaving the lifestyle, I realized my behaviors were not casual nor healthy. The weaker part of me would love to go back to not being concerned about my health and just having a good time. However, the part of me that frequents saunas and meditates understands that the desire is temporary and never worth being stripped of the peace I have obtained now.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

I need to travel more, and I feel that travelling freely is missing from my life. I am trying to find a way to balance my long-term financial goals with my desire to explore the world. I think I am close and hope to take more trips in 2025.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

I have so many obsessions, and I am not sure I will love everything that I love right now in the next three months. Right now, it would be tea. I have a tea closet and buy loose-leaf herbs and tea blends. I love combining herbs and recommending teas to friends and family. I drink so many different herbal teas and am constantly searching for more to try.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

You, whoever is reading this. I believe that everyone has goodness in them. We all make mistakes—I know I have—but that doesn’t take away from your worth. You are good if you try. You are good if you care. And if you’re here reading about other people’s lives, you’re good too. I’ve decided to be a little delusional and believe that I’m a great person who does great things, and there’s nothing stopping you from doing the same!