#312. a heaping dose of sarcasm, an affair & achieving success

Age: 44

Relationship Status: Divorced (twice!)

Occupation: Senior Project Manager

Income: $140,000

Astrological Sign: Gemini

How are you, really?

Depends on the day. Some days, I’m flying high on my career progress and the love I have for my family and dogs. Other days, I’m stressed about money, my aging parents, and if my kids will be happy in life.

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

I’ve learned how to do a better job of supporting my children when things don’t go exactly as expected or planned. College rejections, first jobs that didn’t work out – all tough things to see your kids go through.

What is something you hope never changes?

I hope I’m always as close with my children as I am now. My three daughters are everything to me, and we have an open line of communication, a relationship full of laughter and joking around. A heaping dose of sarcasm and cynicism is in there somewhere, too.

When do you feel most capable?

When I’m asked to plan something. Whether that be a project at work or a special event for friends or family. I am a master planner. I have a gift for quickly tapping into the desires and dreams of a person or persons and executing a fantastic plan or party!

How do you nurture yourself?

I spend a lot of time being introspective and trying to cultivate my own self-awareness. I make it a point to acknowledge out loud to myself when I’ve displayed major growth in something.

How do you nurture others?

I listen. I’m a very good active listener, and I never hold back on expressing empathy for others, even when I don’t agree with whatever is going on. I make time for them.

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

Generally, no. I’ve gotten to an age where I don’t hold back. I told my father that everyone loves him right before he died. I think he still thought I was holding a grudge against him for being a shitty dad. I have no regrets about telling him that. He died the next day.

What is something that turns you on?

Generosity of spirit. A person that’s generous in everything they do is a huge turn-on. Someone can be kind but not necessarily generous of spirit. A person who is generous with their feelings, humor, money, time, comfort, and vulnerability is my favorite kind of person.

What is something that turns you off?

Ignorance. People that are convinced of something with no regard for facts or experience, or are so consumed with what they’re convinced is gospel that they don’t open their minds to anything else, are a huge turn-off.

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

This year I deleted a Facebook connection with an old best friend I had fallen out with years ago. I finally decided to stop letting them have a view into my life. Since then, I think of them far less often.

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

I’m a Gemini, so not very often! Things are pretty all-in or don’t care with me. This is an area I need to work on.

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

I am a fake it until you make it proponent! After taking a job I was underqualified for I was able to grow my skills and further my career. Ultimately it got me $45,000 more in salary over the course of two years.

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

When the kids have a lot of commitments, and I’m feeling like everything is falling on me. My ex-husband is a great guy, but he’s not one to take on the physical and emotional burdens of parenting unless forced to do so. And even then, he seems to leave the worrying to me. He just doesn’t concern himself with all the little details of things.

How do you move forward?

The biggest thing is to decide that whatever state you’re in is not serving you. To move forward, you have to be willing to let go of your current state. Spend some time reflecting on the lessons and decide what you’re going to do differently.

What is something that will always make you laugh?

My children and their sense of humor. They’re silly, wise beyond their years, inappropriate sometimes, and just unabashedly funny.

What is something that will always make you cry?

I’m a sucker for anyone beating the odds on anything. A dog that was rescued, a learning struggling kid with major academic achievement, a senior citizen that conquered a bucket list item. Total. Sucker.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Yes. I was cheated on by someone whom I considered the love of my life. I was devastated beyond recognition. I could feel the betrayal making me physically ill. It was only then that I understood the depth of the pain I had caused my spouse when I had an affair. I would never betray someone like that again and have spent the rest of my life trying to atone for that. The person that betrayed me hasn’t changed one bit. He’s still a ‘cake eater.’

What is your greatest temptation?

Food. I love food and derive great joy from delicious things.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

I wish I had more hobbies. I’ve never been super athletic but have always wanted to join something more physical but always find excuses not to.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

I will never get enough of music. Music brings joy and happiness to my life, and I’ve always had a major appreciation for many kinds of music. I’ll never get tired of Prince’s music. Prince music is wrapped into so many memories for me. Childhood memories….romantic memories….family events…I was lucky enough to see him 7 times in concert before he died. I was devastated when he died.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

My oldest daughter struggled with learning her entire life. She clawed her way into a GED to finish high school. This past spring, she completed a bachelor’s degree, not without countless nights of thinking she wouldn’t make it. This month, she started a master’s and has her eye on a PhD program. Only 5% of people who get a GED ever go on to complete a bachelor’s degree. She intends to go all the way. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. And never forget that there is more than one path to achieving success.