#303. societal expectations, losing a soul dog & dating after divorce

Age: 41

Relationship Status: Divorced, and freshly dumped by a whatevership with someone who wasted my time for 6 months.

Occupation: Director of HR

Income: $140,000

Astrological Sign: Libra sun, cancer moon, Virgo rising

How are you, really?

Right now? Broken. Lost. Lonely. Sad. Unfulfilled and restless.

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

Last year was a really bad year for me. This year, I have learned to have more grace and love for myself; to try and be my true self, and not let others have power over how I feel about myself.

What is something you hope never changes?

My positivity and raw passion for life.

When do you feel most capable?

In the morning, when I am alone. In those quiet moments where I can fully think. At home or in my office. I can get a lot of planning done and accomplished in those moments.

How do you nurture yourself?

Allowing myself to have mindfulness time and self-care. Getting in nature and connecting with myself and inner voice. Working out. Focusing on a healthy lifestyle. Getting that massage or facial. Doing something solely for me or doing something for someone else that makes me feel good.

How do you nurture others?

Give unwavering support without judgment. Listen to hear and not to respond.

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

No, it’s the opposite. I wish I hadn’t said some things. But I have learned that life can be gone in any second, and I want people to know that I love them.

What is something that turns you on?

Humor. Intelligence. Unwavering kindness to others. Compassion and understanding. Trust.

What is something that turns you off?

Arrogance. The thought that your bank account makes you a better person. We are all humans, and one isn’t inherently better than another because of certain life circumstances.

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

Technically, this year, but last year, I ended the most toxic and emotionally abusive relationship that I have ever been in. I allowed someone to continue to suck me back in for months, and it was so mentally unhealthy. I was in the darkest place of my life and knew if I didn’t cut contact completely, I was never going to get out of that place. Ladies, know your worth and value. Do not let someone EVER make you feel like you are worth less because they are insecure with themselves. Do not ever accept less than you deserve. Your power belongs to YOU.

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

Right now, I don’t think I do. But, under normal circumstances, I make time for me, even though society looks down on mothers whose whole life is not their children. So maybe about 40% of the time.

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

Not necessarily a risk, but focusing completely on changing my lifestyle as an adult. I used to be active through my 20s, but life changed, and I gained weight. Making that decision to change habits and start new ones completely changed my mindset. I lost 50lbs, focused on nutrition and exercise. It’s amazing what your body does when you push it. I now crave exercise and certain foods. I feel better overall, and have a healthier self-image.

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

When I let the expectations of the world hit me. Being a mom, working, having a family, and being the one expected to handle everything. Or a big initiative at work.

How do you move forward?

I just do. I am resilient, and it’s always been my mindset to never give up. Life has taught me that the only person that I can count on and rely on is myself. If I don’t move forward, then I’m stuck.

What is something that will always make you laugh?

The stupidly cheesy, but dad joke funny greeting cards.

What is something that will always make you cry?

The thought of the loss of my soul dog. She was my rock in a world where I felt invisible and unhappy. She was my therapy at the time. Losing her was the single most devastating loss of my life.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Yes. I think that my entire life has been full of self-indulgent and self-serving people. Full of loss of trust and betrayal. I didn’t have a great childhood and had people in my life who betrayed my generosity and compassion. Having learned that trust is inevitably going to be broken, I have developed a defense mechanism and ultimately expect people to either want something or let me down in some way. Being married for years, my husband betrayed our marriage-twice. But, in the end, I betrayed myself for trusting him. I was then in a relationship where I fell in love with someone who betrayed me in the worst ways possible. Emotionally, verbally and with other women. That relationship broke me in ways I never thought possible.

What is your greatest temptation?

To allow the negative thoughts to take over. To give up.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

Meaning and purpose. REAL happiness and peace.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

Laughter.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

Traveling is such an amazing experience. Everyone should find one place they want to experience, and I mean REALLY experience and work towards it. The world is such a giant place and is exceptionally beautiful and culturally diverse, and the world might be a better place if more saw that. Life is short; eat the cake, take the risk, and live for you.