#299. getting engaged, The Great British Baking Show & finding strength in grief

Age: 25

Relationship Status: Long-term relationship

Occupation: Public Information Officer for local government agency

Income: $90K

Astrological Sign: Taurus sun, Leo rising, Leo moon

What is the most important part of your daily routine?

Walking my dog twice a day. It’s relaxing and following a routine has been so beneficial for my mental health.

What is your current happiness most dependent on?

Right now? The Great British Baking show. I’m hooked, and it’s bringing me so much joy. When I don’t have a new episode, my day is infinitely worse.

What do you wish you were less reliant on?

My phone. It’s my job to be chronically online, but sometimes I wish I could throw it off a cliff.

When do you question yourself?

I have an AMAZING job for someone at this point in my career, but I don’t love it. I question all the time if I should make a career change, but I question whether I can be successful in something else. I question if leaving a stable job would be a horrible mistake, even though I know it’s not what I want to be doing.

What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

The sudden death of my mom rocked my entire world, including how I perceive my self-worth. Dealing with her passing and my grief has been the most traumatic, hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. Every night before I fall asleep, I remind myself that I’ve made it through another day. And I am damn proud of myself. Losing my mom was my greatest nightmare, but I did it. I took care of her on hospice. I figured out the logistics of her services after. I feel intense grief daily, but I get up, take care of my dog, go to work, etc. This horrific thing has shown me that I am strong, I am determined, and I am amazing. I can do anything.

What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

My slight shopping addiction. I’m a bargain hunter, so I don’t spend obscene amounts of money, but I simply love the hunt of finding a great piece or deal at TJMaxx. And I could be addicted to much worse things, so I give myself grace on this one!!

What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

My dad and I have always had a bad relationship. He’s a narcissist and was never a good parent. I’ve accepted that he’ll never change and that it’s up to me to set boundaries for my own mental health. I’ve forgiven him for being a bad father. It doesn’t benefit me in any way to hold anger towards someone who will never accept their faults.

How do you ground/center yourself?

Cardio, hot yoga, or spin class. I used to hate exercising, but it’s become one of the only ways I can clear my mind. After watching my mom’s health decline, I realized how unbelievably lucky I am to be in a healthy, able body. It’s changed my entire outlook on exercise. I no longer work out to be skinny, look a certain way, move the scale, blah blah blah. I exercise because I have the privilege to.

What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

The passing of my mom this year has been the worst thing I’ve ever gone through, and the one thing that’s helped me the most is my dog (who used to be my mom’s dog). There is something about puppy eyes and a wagging tail that can pull you out of any funk or meltdown. I also have to get up to feed her and walk her (obviously), but some days, that is all that gets me out of bed. I am grateful for her unwavering companionship.

Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

I hope that I am constantly growing and evolving, so I don’t think I’ve felt like that best version yet. I’m extremely critical of myself and am a recovering perfectionist, so I usually don’t feel like I’m ever the “best.” Adding that to the list of things I need to work on!

What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

That a woman should be told what she can or can’t do with her body. Especially by men…

What is something you know for sure?

You will never regret spending time with people you love. You’ll regret spending your time with people who make you self-conscious or at dumb parties you felt obligated to go to. Time is the biggest thief of them all. Spend it wisely and with people who make you feel at home.

What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

1. Respect

2. Support

3. Humor! Laughter is medicine.

When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

When I am with my boyfriend. I can be so authentically me, and I am always supported and loved. He knows me better than anyone else.

Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

Taylor Swift at the Eras Tour. How does she sing and dance for over 3 hours?? It was the best night of my life.

What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

Time with my mom. I lived with her throughout college even though I had the opportunity to live in dorms or with friends. My mom and I were best friends, and I always chose to hang out with her instead. Now that she’s passed, every moment I spent with her was a gift I will never take for granted.

What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

Spontaneous plans. I’ve spent my whole life being a planner. Spontaneous plans give me anxiety, but I’m working on it!

What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

Oysters. Don’t ask me to try them. I’ve tried. Never again.

What do you believe is your most attractive quality? 

My loyalty. It takes me a while to open up and warm up to people, but once I do, you’re in for life. I will back you 100% of the time. I’m selective with my closest friends, and I would do anything for them.

What/who do you want to be when you grow up? 

A mom. My entire life I’ve looked forward to being a mom. I hope that I am lucky enough to have children of my own one day.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I think I am getting engaged to my boyfriend (high school sweetheart!!) soon.