#292. serotonin, self-concept work & being a best-selling author

Age: 24

Relationship Status: In a relationship (Almost 4 months)

Occupation: Agency Business Consultant in Insurance & Content Creator / Coaching

Income: $49,000 + coaching income (this varies)

Astrological Sign: Leo, Cancer Moon, Rising Capricorn

Trigger Warning: This interview contains discussions of eating disorders and sexual assault, which may be distressing for some listeners/readers.

What is the most important part of your daily routine?

Caffeine in the morning. My current fix is a Vanilla Sweet Cream Nitro Cold Brew from Starbucks. I would also say going to the gym first thing in the morning because it gives me that boost of much-needed serotonin, but I’ve been slacking lately.

What is your current happiness most dependent on?

I’m a routine girl at heart, so I make sure I get my daily to-do list done each day. This might sound crazy, but I grade myself each day. If I don’t finish something I need to do on a particular day, I kind of beat myself up for it (not healthy, but we’re working on it).

What do you wish you were less reliant on?

I wish I were less reliant on my body image as a source of internal/external validation. I’ve always struggled with my body image since I was a little kid. In high school and college, I had an ED where I would purge, which made me skinny. A few years ago, I decided to stop and eat whatever, causing me to gain some weight. Then, I decided to get serious about my diet and weightlifting. I lost weight and was the skinniest I’d ever been. However, over these past few months, I’ve gained some of that weight back, and it’s been frustrating. I’ve fallen back into my old habits.

When do you question yourself?

A lot. I’ve been working on trusting myself more as I continue learning who I am and what I want from life. Growing up, I’ve had a lot of decisions made for me. I grew up in a very traditional household, so my life was kinda planned out for me from a young age. However, now that I am an adult, I can make more decisions that align with my wants.

What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

Self-concept work! I am a law of assumption girly til I die. I’ve been able to work on my limiting beliefs, which has transformed my mindset and my life! Even if you don’t believe in manifestation, science backs up how beneficial this can be for you! If I were to give anyone life advice, it’d be to work on how they view themselves and the world.

What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

When I was younger, I engaged in child SA. I was 8 or 9 at the time. I felt guilty about it for a long time, but after going to therapy and becoming more self-aware, I realized that I shouldn’t blame myself for what occurred when I didn’t know any better. I was SA’d prior to that experience, so I believe it impacted how I behaved.

What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

My cousin SA'd me when I was younger. She was also a young child, and you know the saying “hurt people hurt people.” My thought process changed once I realized that she must’ve learned this behavior from someone else. Sure, I can still feel hurt and mad and acknowledge my trauma, but I don’t fully blame her. I feel like forgiveness is key to moving forward.

How do you ground/center yourself?

Wimhof breathwork 1000%. Usually, when I don’t feel aligned or I’m stressed out, it’s because my nervous system is out of whack. Breathwork is the way to fix that. Nervous system regulation is key!!! The gym or running helps, too.

What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

Crying. I used to suppress my emotions a lot without knowing. When I started therapy in 2024, I learned how to process my emotions the right way. My dad passed away a couple of weeks ago from liver cancer. Throughout the past few months of dealing with this, I cried A LOT, which I think helped me with not indulging in negative coping mechanisms.

Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

I would have to say the Fall of 2023. I was losing weight and had a really good routine going. I think it’s the only time I remember not being stressed out about a man to the max. I had an anxious attachment then + was getting over a situationship that ended really badly earlier that year. I think being single during that period really helped me, because I was able to (mostly) focus on myself and my goals.

What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

I am pro-choice all the way. Now, I’m always open to hearing different opinions and views. However, I feel like the government should have no say in women’s reproductive rights. It’s funny to see how pro-life people are so pro-life, but what about all the kids in the foster care system, the education system, and so many other systems that affect one’s life? Like let’s be for real.

What is something you know for sure?

It always gets better. You might not see it now, but there is calm at the end of the storm.

What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

These are aside from the bare minimum (loyalty, honesty, communication, etc.)

1. Never stop dating one another. It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship.

2. No smoking weed. I don’t have anything against people who do smoke; it’s just a personal preference of mine.

3. I would like my partner to be physically active in some way. I want to be surrounded by people who have a healthy lifestyle.

When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

Probably when I’m with my boyfriend. He is my safe space, making me feel like I can be 100% me and not be judged. He’s seen sides of me that no one else has. I like to say I’m his crybaby, because he’s one of the people I can fully express myself to.

Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

My mom. She is the strongest person I know. She sacrificed everything to come to America in hopes of a better life while only knowing her native language. I wouldn’t be where I am without her, truly. I am always in awe of her.

What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

I have a silver necklace around my neck right now. My mom got it for me while we were shopping on vacation in Vietnam about a year ago. It’s meaningful to me, because it was bought in our native country. I only get to go every few years, so each time is special. I love to visit my family. My mom is also my entire world. I probably won’t ever take it off.

What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

I don’t think I have one. I’ve always been one to say yes. I truly believe that you have to do it for the plot and experience everything at least once in life.

What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

The first thing that pops up into my mind is drugs. I used to smoke weed and have tried various low-class drugs such as Adderall and bars. However, after the past few years, I’ve realized that I don’t align with those things. Weed just makes me feel anxious. Overall, I don’t want to not have control over my body.

What do you believe is your most attractive quality?

A lot of people would say my ambition and work ethic. To an extent, I agree. I bought my first house when I was 21, currently maintain a 4.0 in graduate school while working a full-time job, have been a business owner before, etc. However, this is all rooted in trauma since I’m a perfectionist. If I were to choose myself, it would be my self-awareness and empathy.

What/who do you want to be when you grow up?

I would like to be successful (of course). Specifically, I’d love to be a best-selling author and a professor at a University. I’ve also found that I like creating content, which I hope I can get into when life isn’t so hectic. I’d like to be kind, compassionate, giving, and always open-minded.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I am going on a cruise this weekend for an entire week with my boyfriend! It’s a much needed break. I’ll also be going back to Vietnam soon (under somber circumstances), but I’m excited to see family again.