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#263. hollywood, handwritten memoirs & getting sober

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 29

Relationship Status: In a relationship

Occupation: Movie Executive

Income: $200,000

Astrological Sign: Cancer


What is the most important part of your daily routine?

My morning coffee. Every day, without fail, I wake up early, pour myself a cup of strong black coffee, sit in my favorite chair, and check my news apps. This is the calmest, most peaceful hour of my day.


What is your current happiness most dependent on?

Taking my Prozac + Wellbutrin daily. I am slowly climbing out of a dark, year-long depression. Getting on the right medication has made such an incredible impact. I don’t know why I resisted medication for so long.


What do you wish you were less reliant on?

Other peoples' opinions. I was badly bullied in school growing up, and I think it warped my sense of self well into my twenties…to the point I hit a wall last year and realized I have no idea who I am without validation from others. It is something I am actively working on in therapy.


When do you question yourself?

Ugh…all the damn time. It’s exhausting.


What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

Getting sober. I quit drinking almost a year ago, and it has been the most challenging but most beautiful thing I've ever done for myself. I was always a heavy drinker, but my drinking got out of control two years ago when my dad died and my mom got really sick. I hit a “rock bottom” 8 months ago and decided enough was enough.


What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

Most bad things I’ve said or done when I was drinking or using. I don’t know if I’ve fully forgiven myself yet, but I’m working hard on it.


What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

I think I forgive others easily. We are all human...and humanity is messy, flawed, and complex. We are all only one bad decision away from needing grace and forgiveness ourselves.


How do you ground/center yourself?

Spending time with my nieces and nephews. Watching those kids grow up and have such joyous childhoods heals something within me. I love getting to know them and seeing their personalities and opinions form. 


What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

Phone calls with my best friend. We have known each other since we were two years old, but we’ve lived far from each other for years. This past year has been the hardest of my life, and she was there for me through it all. She picked up every phone call, she answered every text, she checked in on me. Simply put…she saved my life.


Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

When I'm locked in at work. I love my job, and I am good at it. Growing up, I was a shy, weird, and heavily bullied kid. So, it amazes me that I am thriving in a career that requires grit and balls. My 12-year-old self would NOT believe that I negotiate deals with Hollywood types for a living.


What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

Cancel culture. While I think it is important to hold people accountable and for people to face consequences for their actions… I don't like the perfect standards we hold people to in the public eye. I think we do a great disservice to people’s growth when we resort to humiliation and scorn as opposed to education and rehabilitation.


What is something you know for sure?

That my boyfriend is my soulmate. I never cared much about the future, or marriage or kids before meeting him. I honestly couldn’t even picture myself living past 35. But his love heals something in me, and gets me excited about life, and the future. He is my favorite person in the whole world.


What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

1.      Laughter

2.      Romance

3.      Respect


When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

When I am being intimate with my boyfriend. I used to be so self-conscious of my naked body, but he makes me feel so beautiful, safe and sexy. The safety he has provided me has allowed me to tap into my divine feminine and my sensuality.  


Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

My grandmother. She has lived such a hard life but remains the kindest and most positive person I know. From growing up in an orphanage to struggling with poverty her whole life to losing three of her five children to cancer in the past 5 years…she has been through hell. When I ask her how she stays so positive, she says, “You gotta look ahead. Looking in the rearview mirror is what keeps you sick.”


What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

A few months before my dad passed away, he gifted my brother and me with a memoir he had written. It wasn’t published or anything—just a spiral-bound homemade book he titled As I Recall… It was a beautiful 250-page retelling of his life in his own words. I pick it up to read whenever I miss him.


What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

Oh…my issue in life has always been saying ‘yes’ WAY too much. Up until about a year ago, I lived my life for instant gratification without any consideration or regard for consequences. That only furthered my issues with substance abuse and impulsive, dangerous behavior. Looking back, while I have great stories to tell, I also have several regrets. I wish I could have said NO a little more often.


What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

Drinking.


What do you believe is your most attractive quality?  

I've been told that I am easy to talk to... and it always melts my heart when people say that to me. I think I attribute that to my open-mindedness and my curiosity. Both qualities I believe I’ve inherited from my dad.


What/who do you want to be when you grow up? 

A writer, like my dad.


BONUS: Tell me something good.

My boyfriend and I just got back from the most magical day on the ski slopes! The ski high is some of the best medicine! Skiing makes me so damn happy.

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