Age: 27
Relationship Status: Newly Married
Occupation: Resident Physician
Income: $88,000
Astrological Sign: Scorpio
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Decompressing with my husband after a long day of work, over a great meal (home-cooked or a cozy take-out). There are no phones or televisions, just connection and unpacking our respective days, making plans for the coming weekend, reminiscing together, and excitedly workshopping our next steps.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
Unfortunately, my work schedule! Being a trainee means working most weekend days and holidays (also random night shifts), so I miss out a lot in my personal life when I’m on a super heavy inpatient month. I’m lucky my co-residents make work so much fun, but I always feel grateful for any extra time off with my husband or when family and friends visit for the lighter months.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
Other people’s opinions of me. I hate to admit this because I want to be the person who DGAF, but I do care so much! I still rely on being told I’m “doing a good job” in so many aspects of my life.
When do you question yourself?
I question myself a lot in this phase of my life. At work, I’m still a “junior” physician with a lot to learn, taking in a huge amount of feedback. I always question if I’m good enough to be in my role and if I’m making all the right choices for my patients. This is on top of my personal life, where I’m newly married, still living in an apartment, still without kids, and still moving back and forth across the country every few years for training and career opportunities. So, I question if I’m making the right choices for myself at the right times.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
Not taking everything sooooo seriously. I used to get really stuck on performance, perfection, and constant self-improvement—just doing everything in the name of self-improvement to “add value.” It’s totally fine to try a hobby and keep doing it even though I’m at 4th grade level. It’s okay to move to this new place and like it but not want to stay forever. It’s fun for me to try a different style that is totally out of the ordinary. Some days, it makes me happy to rot in my bed watching bad reality TV on a day off and not work out, listen to an intuitive podcast, or even eat a vegetable. Some other days, I love doing those things! My worth doesn’t change based on my physical presentation, innate ability to perform, or the number of hours spent on “self-improvement.” It’s freeing to keep it casual and still feel secure in who I am and what I know I bring to the table!
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
Leaving home. For a long time, I felt a lot of guilt and shame for “abandoning” my home to explore the world and myself. Now, I see it as taking some time to deepen my personal experience before I step into home ownership and motherhood so that I can bring a positive perspective wherever I choose to settle down. I’ve done my best to include family and friends throughout every step of the journey, and it makes me happy when they express interest.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
I forgave my parents for not supporting me in many of my life decisions. I know that they only want the best for me and are guided by their own lived experiences, coming from small-town USA. Though our relationship is still complicated, I’ve let go of the resentment because it’s their first time living life, too, and we all just want to be happy!
How do you ground/center yourself?
Spending time on the beach by the ocean, taking in nature, reading a good fiction book at home, sipping a perfect vanilla latte, and calling my sister for a long chat.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
I try to live by the “be scared and do it anyway” mantra. It helps that I’ve gone through hard things in the past, both personally and professionally, and have come through them, maybe not always stronger but alive and okay at the very least. I try to take the experience and do something positive with the lesson afterward.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
I go back and forth because I feel like the best version of myself is still loading (I hope so!), but I felt amazing in college. I was just starting out in a new environment with so much opportunity, having fun surrounded by great friends I got to live with, exploring my relationship with my now husband, and having a great network of family coming around to visit. I felt so productive working towards my goals and was in a state of great physical, social, and mental health.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
That it is disrespectful to set boundaries in life, whether with work, friends, kids, partners, or family members. Boundaries are a needed form of self-expression and help set reasonable expectations to prevent resentment and clarify ground rules.
What is something you know for sure?
Everything happens for a reason, and you will always have what was meant for you in the end. I used to be in such a hurry; now, I look back and laugh about all the strict “type A” planning I was trying to enforce on myself. It was so stressful! Opportunities arise at perfect times, and doors open to the places we’re meant to find. What’s mine has and will always come to me in time.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
1. Deep Trust
2. Maintaining Childlike Joy
3. Shared Values
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
When I get to spend time with my little sister! She definitely nurtures my inner child and brings out such natural joy and self-confidence. She loves me, knows every part of me, and has seen me through so many physical and mental changes (including cutting bangs and only watching Twilight movies).
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
I am constantly in awe of nature and scenery. Driving into work and seeing the mountains that stood before I was even born, or spending time in the ocean surrounded by wildlife that grows and changes each day makes me think about how vast, beautiful, and amazing living on this Earth is. It puts life into perspective.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
When I was 16, my grandma got me a necklace that has the coordinates to my first family home on one side with a blank spot on the other side. She passed away shortly afterward, so it is so special to me to have something to remind me of where I came from but also with the blank side reminding me of her ongoing support in finding what will become my “home” for the future. It feels like acceptance and validation from her to keep all doors open even now that she’s no longer physically with me. She was the person who made me feel most seen in my life, and I miss her all the time.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
I wish I had taken more girls' trips! I didn’t realize how limited time you have with girlfriends when you live in different parts of the country, so I wish I had made more time (and allocated more money) to getting the plans out of the group chat and nurturing those relationships on a more regular basis.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Letting my dreams die! I feel there comes an age when you’re pressured to give up parts of yourself to take on certain more “serious” or “grown-up” roles in life. I always want to pursue whatever dreams are guiding my life, new or old, to set a good example for my family and stay true to myself.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
Being open! To new experiences, different personalities, diverse cultures, interesting recipes, and fun stories. I’m such a collector of the wild, trendy, and unique!
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be someone who makes people feel safe being themselves and sharing their stories! I want to be the fun house on the street that hosts little get-togethers for everyone to hang out on the weekends, with a big veggie garden, pool, and fire pit. I want to have my own women’s clinic that encourages patients to feel more comfortable taking charge of their health and wellness!
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I finally have all of my credit card debt paid off from moving!!! I’m looking forward to being able to put some money away in savings.
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