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#251. love languages, parenting styles & non-reciprocal relationships

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 23

Relationship Status: in a relationship of 4 years

Occupation: Sustainability Consultant

Income: $80k

Astrological Sign: Capricorn

 

What is the most important part of your daily routine?

I need to move my body. Even if it’s just a walk, it really helps to clear my head and get outside.


What is your current happiness most dependent on?

The weather. I feel so much better after a sunny day when I’ve been out in nature.


What do you wish you were less reliant on?

My boyfriend. At the moment, he helps me with a lot of my anxiety management and negative thoughts. He’s so great, but I don’t think it’s fair to put that on him or that it's good for our relationship.


When do you question yourself?

At work when I’m making a decision or presenting my work. I’m still only at a junior level so I don’t have much responsibility, but I do still feel major impostor syndrome and question my abilities more than I would like.


What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

In the past few years, I have had this mindset shift of not focusing on what my body looked like but on what it could do. I can walk, run, and do pilates, and I am so lucky to be able to do these things. I should fuel my body so that it can continue to do these things and even improve at them. I do still care how I look, but it’s not the sole thing I place my self-worth on, and that has made a big difference in my life.


What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

How I used to talk to myself and my relationship with food as a teenager. I’m so much kinder to myself now.


What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

I’m still actively working on this, but I’m trying to forgive my mom for the differences in parenting me compared to my younger sisters. It’s hard to watch what I could’ve had, but I try to remember that it was her first time being a mother as well.


How do you ground/center yourself?

I am lucky to live near the coast, so I find long walks along the beach (and sometimes a dip in the ocean) really helps bring me back after a hectic week.


What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

Long walks with friends where we get to talk/vent/cry for hours.


Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

After a long run, my head is clear, and I’m full of endorphins. I did a half marathon last year, and I felt amazing for the days following it. I have another one booked for next year.


What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

Overconsumption. There is only so much we need before everything else becomes unnecessary. It hurts my heart to think of all the micro-trends ending up in landfills.

PS. I don’t mean that we all need to be minimalists, but I don’t think people need three different colored Stanley cups or huge Shein hauls.


What is something you know for sure?

My family and friends love me for me.


What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

1.      Quality time (this is my love language)

2.      Same world views

3.      Similar sense of humor


When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

I am so fortunate to have a great group of girlfriends who make me feel comfortable being myself. We can be honest and vulnerable with each other and also have a lot of fun.


Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

At my previous job, there was this woman who exuded confidence. She was so good at managing people and didn’t take nonsense from anyone—and she runs marathons!


What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

Matcha powder and set! I love drinking it and have probably saved a fortune making it instead of buying it.


What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

I wish I had more fun and said yes to more in high school. I’m proud of how hard I studied, and it got me where I needed to be for university, but I do feel like I missed out on some of the fun of being a teenager.


What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

Organizing catch-ups with friends who don’t put in the effort, I’m done with this.


What do you believe is your most attractive quality?  

I’d probably say my drive and work ethic. I’m quite a get-stuff-done person.


What/who do you want to be when you grow up? 

I’ve always focused more on wanting work-life balance than on progressing in my career. In the future, I would love to be a mother and stay at home with the children for a while before returning to part-time work. I know I’m young, but I hope my priorities don’t change as my life progresses and my needs change.

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