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#245. soulmates, mind-numbing screentime & having a fantastic arse

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 32

Relationship Status: Married (newly, yay)

Occupation: Social Media Specialist 

Income: $51,000

Astrological Sign: Virgo

 

What is the most important part of your daily routine?

A morning coffee, preferably drunk slowly and while calling my mum. She’s my best friend, but I moved to the other side of the planet, so a call helps me try and close the distance.

 

What is your current happiness most dependent on?

Honestly, I don’t think it’s dependent on any one thing right now. I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been, and it’s a quiet, comfortable happiness. It’s not resting on a singular thing; I feel content all around.

 

What do you wish you were less reliant on?

My phone, without a doubt. I kid myself that because I work in social media that it gives me a pass for a mind-numbing screentime. But the truth is I’m addicted to being on my phone, and I hate it. I feel like 2020 was a clear transition for me moving into living in a digital world and visiting the real world, rather than the other way around. I’m working on healthier habits, creating instead of consuming. It’s just hard to break out of.

 

When do you question yourself?

All the time. Sometimes, it is in healthy ways (checking myself on opinions, etc.), but mainly negatively. I can struggle with pretty bad imposter syndrome in really any setting and have had a lot of anxiety over the years. Any question, I’ve thought of it…

 

What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

One sentence one of my best friends said to me. She’s 7 years younger than I am but infinitely wiser. I’ve always struggled with self-worth being tied directly to looks/body image.

We were talking about an experience of hers. She looked fabulous (as she always does) and had been complimented in a social circle. A very close friend of hers had taken the compliment as a personal slight, resulting in a bit of a nasty ‘joke’ following the compliment. My friend said to me, ‘Me being beautiful doesn’t take away from how beautiful she is. We both looked beautiful. I wish she saw herself the way I see her.’

It completely changed the way I saw everything. She was right. For so much of my life, I’d felt consumed with never being able to be ‘the most beautiful woman in the room.’ I suddenly realized the beauty of the rose doesn’t make the sunflower any less beautiful. It fixed a part of my brain I’d struggled with for years.

 

What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

How I’ve treated my body in the past (god, there’s a theme here, isn’t there?). I’ve done a lot of things in the name of being small, but finally, in my 30’s, I’m taking up space.

 

What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

Oof. I have a very turbulent relationship with my dad, which, unfortunately, in recent years, has been the best it’s ever been (for my mental health) by being low-no contact. I think I’ve forgiven him for lots of things in my life, mainly for not being able to be a dad to me when I was young, as he has so many of his own demons. The thing is, I don’t think I can forgive him for not learning how to be a dad to me 20 years later. At some point, you have to factor in the choice to not learn.

 

How do you ground/center yourself?

Talking things out has always helped me to come back to myself.

 

What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

My mum is such a calming force for me. She’s always been so patient and nonjudgmental. I’ve always gone to her first when I need help, and she’s always helped me find the right path. She’s my safe space.

 

Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

There are so many versions of myself that I’ve LOVED. Some versions I chased after and tried to build a life around, but they were fleeting versions that maybe weren’t truly authentic. But boy I loved living them out. (eg: I once moved to Cambodia because I felt it’s where I belonged after some solo travel. It absolutely bloody wasn’t (haha) but man the adventure was worth it).

I think I feel like the best version of myself now actually. Calm, but firm. Loved. Loving.

 

What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

Work. I’m supposed to give my entire life to something so that I can have 10 good years after it all?? I want to sit in fields of wildflowers, watch sunsets, learn to paint, and, and run. I want to climb mountains in Africa and South America, I want to listen to the stories of strangers from all corners of the earth and eat their local dishes!!!

But I’m expected to care about…working? Marketing shit that nobody needs? The corporate ladder? It’s all made up.

 

What is something you know for sure?

Ok, I don’t KNOW it, but I firmly believe in soulmates.

Not in the romantic sense that there is one person for everyone, but just souls you’ve lived out lifetimes with before. I’m sure my mum and I have always been together, as mother/daughter, as sisters, as best friends. I just feel like some connections are too deep to be new.

 

What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

●       The desire to grow and evolve/an openness to new experiences.

●       Compassion and empathy

●       Alignment (on a bunch of stuff, but mainly financially and morally)

When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

Cooking/Dancing around the kitchen with my husband.

 

Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

All the time. I am lucky to have some incredibly impressive people in my life that I am constantly in awe of. My husband is one of them, always pushing himself to be better at things whilst being the kindest, most humble person I know. I’m also always in awe of the world around me and how beautiful it all is.

 

What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

 Just recently, my mother-in-law gifted me a vintage Chanel bag for our wedding. It was passed down to her after her aunt passed, it’s in pristine condition.

 

What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

I wish I’d said yes to more of my friends' big life events. I live 5000 miles away, so I have had to turn down lots of weddings, milestone birthdays, baby showers, etc., just because I couldn’t financially make it work. I wish I’d found a way to say yes.

 

What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

Work situations that I am neither learning nor earning. Ideally, I would like both; I’ll settle for one of the two but will say no if neither is met.

 

What do you believe is your most attractive quality? 

I’m willing to try. Not always with confidence, and sometimes with a bit of complaining, but I’ll try. A new sport, a new career, a new country to live in, a new hobby, a new way of thinking.

I can also fly a plane and have a fantastic arse…. LOL

 

What/who do you want to be when you grow up? 

I want to be kind. I want to make space for creativity and explore everything that interests me without needing to be good at it (as long as I enjoy it). I want to be generous and thoughtful. If we have a family, I want to be their safe space. I want to learn, grow, explore, and remain soft and slow. I want to be exactly who my mum has been to me.

 

BONUS: Tell me something good.

With every year, everything keeps getting so much better.

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