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#243. art classes, ceremony & having compassion for all living things

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 46

Relationship Status: Unsure, it's complicated. Hoping to concrete my status as single.

Occupation: Business Analyst

Income: 105,000

Astrological Sign: Aries, pure fire.

 

What is the most important part of your daily routine?

My morning pot of tea; there is something about putting on a stovetop kettle, waiting for that whistle, and pouring the water into a teapot with loose-leaf tea that makes me so happy. It makes me even happier making tea for my adult children when we have breakfast together - which doesn't happen as often as I’d like. So many cultures got it right, tea is a ceremonial process.

 

What is your current happiness most dependent on?

Alone time. Life is so overwhelming for me at the moment, that I treasure my solitude. It's the only time I feel myself and truly happy.

 

What do you wish you were less reliant on?

My incessant need to please and get approval from my family is culturally ingrained in me. It has impacted my ability to truly be happy. I am always worried about how it will impact them and my relationship with them. I suppress so much of myself to make them happy.

 

When do you question yourself?

Oh, unfortunately, every day. Mostly, I question my words and what I have said to people. Have I hurt them? Was I too harsh, too abrupt, too opinionated, too intrusive? Have I shared too much or shared too little.? I am an anxious overthinker who obsesses over every detail. For this reason, I am mostly quiet around people. It makes it really hard to feel close to anyone.

 

What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

Educating myself, I don't mean a formal education, like a degree. It's the small things that I learn that make me feel like I am worthy and have achieved something. For example, I have learned how to use power tools to maintain and renovate my own home. Nothing like seeing freshly mowed lawn or freshly laid flooring that I have done myself. Improving my home the way I want it gives me such a sense of pride and a feeling of self-worth. I did that, me, all by myself.

 

What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

Not completely, but I am getting there, hurting my children emotionally when they were young and vulnerable. It's no excuse, but being in survival mode after two abusive relationships made me a horrible person to be around. I was excessively strict and always angry, and my children were afraid of me. They only had me in their life. I realized the error of my ways when they were teenagers, but the impact of my actions and their abusive father made it difficult for both of them to move through the world as adults. We are all in therapy, healing and forgiving is a very slow and long process.

 

What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

I think forgiveness is for the forgiver to let go of pain. I have forgiven the father of my children for what he did to my children and me.

 

How do you ground/center yourself?

I walk in nature, bushwalking.  There is nothing like hearing birds, insects, and animals around you and seeing such a huge expanse of trees and water to bring you back to the center.

 

What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

Joining an art class. It brought me back to something I loved doing when I was a child/ young adult. I found comfort in the routine of doing something I love for a few hours a week. Having conversations with people from all walks of life brought me a comfort that I never knew I needed.

 

Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

Not yet, I am trying to achieve that now. I am finally financially stable, and my children are grown. I'm going to therapy and got my health checked…I'm working on a few health issues (nothing serious) and relationships.  I am really hopeful of where I'll be in the next few years.

 

What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

  1. The treatment of our First Nations people. The biggest disappointment in my country was the rejection or no vote of the 2023 Indigenous Voice Referendum.  We pride ourselves on being a friendly and accepting country; we are a racist nation, and that breaks my heart.

  2. The treatment of the LGBTQIA+ community around the world, feeling safe to be yourself is a fundamental right.

  3. Violence against women, there is so much death and violence at the hands of men.

 

What is something you know for sure?

That my family loves me.

 

What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

1.      Personal Hygiene - I have a ridiculously sensitive sense of smell.  

2.     Having compassion for all living things.

3.     Kindness.

 

When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

Being with people of my ethnicity or culture, it’s nice not to be judged or seen as lesser than others because of the color of my skin/ hair, etc.

Also, on a more personal level, when I'm in the water, showering, bathing, or swimming. There is something about water going over my body that makes me feel alive and appreciative of my body.

 

Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

I am in total awe of the women in life, the resilience they show, and how funny and smart they are. They are the most beautiful and strong people I have ever encountered. I am the most in awe of my aunt; she is living with a man that is horrible to her and treats her like absolute crap; because of financial restrictions, she can’t leave this situation. I have always adored her, but I got to know her better when I traveled overseas to visit her last year. She inadvertently showed me how to be more positive despite the situation you may find yourself in. She is such a light in my life that I didn’t even know I needed.

 

What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

I’m finding this one hard to answer, I can't think of anything specific. But I love receiving a gift or an act that shows how much that person loves me and knows me. My children surprised me with Legos a few years ago on my birthday and I became obsessed with it.  Even though I had not shown a previous interest in it, they somehow knew I would like it!

I guess if I had to pinpoint it, it’s the gift of being seen.

 

What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

Dating Women.

 

What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

Dating cis-gendered straight Men

 

What do you believe is your most attractive quality?  

Physically, my smile. Emotionally my compassion and kindness. I'm also really funny when you get to know me completely.

 

What/who do you want to be when you grow up? 

An Artist and Architect - my life-long dream.

 

BONUS: Tell me something good.

The Australian whipbirds’ long call is performed as a duet. When walking through the Australian bush, it's common to hear their call. The Male starts the call; it sounds like a whip, and the female follows with a little song. They are so in sync that it sounds like a single call. Isn’t that beautiful! I only recently found this out. It makes me smile.

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