
Age: 31
Relationship Status: Married (& it’s the best)
Occupation: Background Casting Director for Film and Television
Income: Between $180,000 and $250,000, depending on how much I hate myself that year
Astrological Sign: Pisces!
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Walking our dog is truly the only consistent routine we have in our house. She gets a walk/ hike/ play outside every morning when we all wake up, and we try to always go together—usually, we are still in our PJS; she doesn’t like to wait. Both my husband and I are self-employed/do contract-type work, so our hours are erratic. The morning walks are SO important to us and the only time we know we can promise.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
When I am going to next have work, I am the primary breadwinner (there has to be a better way to phrase that), and it's so hard feeling like I don’t know when my next project is going to come (even though since 2016 I have never, not worked). I really, really struggle with the unknown.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
My Husband. I am dealing with a really bad burnout that was probably a few years coming and I’ve only just actually given myself time to deal with it. I ended up hospitalized a few months ago over it. We have two therapists and a psychologist we work with to cope with my stress levels/ chronic pain/ mental health. I need him, and sometimes he struggles as well (our house is a bit emotional right now), and when we are both out of commission, things turn to shit. I find myself resentful that he’s working when I just actually need time with him right now. Obviously, there is so much more to it, but I wish I were okay when we are both so busy we barely see each other, but I really, really struggle with it.
When do you question yourself?
I work in a male-dominated industry. I find myself being bulldozed even though I am the head of a department—I am hired because I KNOW what I’m doing. When I feel like things are unsafe or unbalanced, and people try to brush it off, I’m like, “Am I wrong?” “Am I crazy?!” My bosses are quick to reassure me I’m not. One of my bosses said to me, “You only cry when you need to.” Thanks, I think.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
I work between 80 – 120 hours per week from home. I decided when we got married, I was going to get back into watercolor art, which I had found myself too busy to do. I painted a memory for every single one of our wedding guests as their place setting. Our wedding planner didn’t want me to do it in case they were bad, and it was ugly. I pushed back, I'm paying you $10,000. If I want to draw stick figures with a Sharpie, I will, thanks. Now, a year and a half later, I sell a lot of my art – last month, I did a $1,800 commission for someone. I primarily make gifts for people, their parents who have passed, the birth of their children, and their weddings. I find the time to do it - I don’t do it for money. I don’t do well with emotions, but when I give a gift, and people well up with tears or commission me to make something for them to give as a gift. I truly feel like this is when I love myself the most; being thoughtful is underrated. I wish I could drop them and leave, though. I am so uncomfortable with the emotions. Don’t hug me. Just pretend I am not here.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
I have a relationship with my father and struggle with my childhood and past. I am constantly told how “strong” I am, but with the highs come the lows. I felt guilty for many years over having a good relationship with my dad, but he doesn’t gaslight me. He validates what happened in the past, and he tries his best. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It would be different if he pretended everything was good and dandy, but he didn’t.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
Oh god, everything? I don’t stay mad. I think I physically can’t. My boyfriend's (now husband) roommates hated me (we started dating during covid, and bubbling with people I didn’t know was really hard). Even though they told him to break up with me, I still got them birthday and Christmas presents.
How do you ground/center yourself?
Dogs. Petting dogs, talking about dogs, walking our dog, who is my whole world. I say I work as hard as I do so she can have the life she deserves. She has three best friends who we see all the time, and their owners and I have become very close friends. They don’t judge me (the dogs or the owners). I also paint, and I read. I have ADHD, so any relaxing for me has to be productive. I can't just sit.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
Talking to people who I know love me unconditionally. I am really close with my sister and her kids, and let me tell you, on a bad day, if you show up crying, those girls will have a tiara on me in no time. They will gently kiss me on the forehead and tell me it's ok—the unconditional love of my family, even in the hardest times. I can rant and let it all out without worrying about censoring myself for fear of being judged. I truly believe that you get back what you put out in the world, and putting the effort into my family comes back tenfold.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
I completed a career-changing, never-before project over the summer. I worked more than I knew was possible. I normally work from home, but I was there every day, talking to people, helping people, dealing with anything and everything. It's so different than dealing with issues through the phone. The feedback that I got from hundreds of people will forever stay with me. Also, being an aunt and dog mom. My Dog thinks she is one of my nieces, just one of the girls. We spend so much time with them, and I truly love my friendship with them and even their friends over the years. Showing up for them is so important to them and me.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
People who say big weddings are a waste of money. It's okay if they aren’t for *you* Never in your life will you have so much love around you. The details don’t matter. I come from a massive family – my family was 90% of our guest list, and I do not regret it at all, even for one second. Take the photos and watch the videos. All of my cousins had “big” weddings, and for all of us, it's memories with our family and older family members we will *never* get again.
I also think judging people's choices with religion. (obviously, to an extent- I am not pro cult) I was raised catholic and still have some of the superstition (my grandma is having a St Christopher medallion blessed before our next road trip for me). But it brings together SO MANY people who need the community. Yes, there are 1 million things wrong with the church – but there are also a million things right. People need something to believe in.
What is something you know for sure?
I know my intentions are good, even if I come across as abrupt and to the point. I will never be intentionally malicious. I am just a very blunt woman.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
Couples Therapy. Before he even moved in, she reassured us we had a good thing and were solid. It's not an all-the-time thing, but we both can see each other's sides of issues but struggle to solve the problem. An hour later, we both feel lighter and have plans of action.
We are each other's #1—Our couples therapist said this is the key to successful relationships: no family or friends should be put before each other or know more about what’s happening in your life than you do. It was the first thing she said to us, and it's SO true.
Weekends away. We need to leave real life, do nothing but love, and spend time together with no real-world distractions. This doesn’t have to be expensive. Go camping.
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
When I have the “yayas,” as we call it in the morning, with my husband, he has spent many hours watching me in the nudie recreate Haim music videos at top volume. Going out with him when I've put even the SMALLEST amount of effort into my appearance (like a good job to me for brushing my hair today), he is the biggest hype man.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
Oh my god, all the time. I have the MOST incredible female role models in my life. I genuinely have no idea how I would have gotten through my early 20s without their guidance. My therapist, whom I’ve been with for 7 years, and her husband were AT our wedding. She is so proud of what she and I have done together). My sister runs a HUGELY successful business while having three kids under the age of 3 and dealing with her mother having cancer. I will never know how she got out of bed some days, and she STILL was supportive of her friends and community. Like Ma’am, how are you standing? I have no kids, and I can barely keep up.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
Kobos (I have two of them): I have read a book a day in the three weeks I have been out of work. I have a Google sheet of around 200 books, and I am SMASHING them out. My best friend also made me “Guess who” but of my dog and her friends. 10/10
My in-laws and husband bought us a massive BEAM paint pallet as a wedding gift because I had wanted one so badly, and he wanted to make it happen for me, but it was SO expensive. I have spent hundreds of hours with that pallet. It's better than a journal.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
Oh god, not much. I’m pretty comfortable with my no’s.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Things I don’t want to do. I’m really good at it now. No is a full sentence, and boy, do I use it.
I think being peer pressured into drinking? My body can't handle it. I am not saying I will never have a glass of wine with my husband on a Saturday at home. Or a beer with my brother in the summer. But going out and “drinking” no, I can't. My brain can't handle it, and neither can my body *shudders at the thought of a hangover*.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
My ease with strangers: shy people can be shy, awkward people can be awkward. Stand by me, and you will be fine. We have been told many times that we are the best wedding guests because my husband and I are so good at making people feel at ease.
It's okay if you don’t want to talk. I’ll talk enough for both of us. Want to see photos of my dog? I can yell fire while you sneak out the back door if you don’t want to be here. I am so much less awkward with strangers than with people I know and love, like people I have worked with for 15 years and adore at work parties (I hate small talk).
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
Oh god. I want a quiet life. I grew up in New Zealand, and my aunt still lives there and has a farm. Every time my husband and I go back, it's so quiet and peaceful. I cannot keep up in the city. As I get older, I hate driving in the city.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
Waiting and finding the right partner and never settling was the best thing I have ever, ever done. I truly have married my best friend, and our little family is EVERYTHING. We are so excited about kids and the future and the books we read, looking at worms, teaching my nieces music and going camping with them, swimming in the ocean; he truly is the definition of a family man.
Even the “hard” is easier than it has ever been with anyone else. He took time out of his job to help me over the summer, and even with it being the most stressful, exhausting, mentally draining experience I have ever had, he and I were making up songs about staying in murder hotels, and he completely carried us in every other corner of our life so I could work WHILE he also worked and assisted me. He moved my workstation no less than 50 times as I needed to pack up and go home, go to the hotel, and go to set. Not a single complaint.
It takes a strong man to be his bossy wife's assistant, and ALL of my crew loved and adored working with him, and so did my bosses. It was magic. He did say that we are all nuts and the film industry is not for him but it deepened his respect and understanding for what I do and the stress behind it and made us so much closer.
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