
Age: 30
Relationship Status: Single
Occupation: Music Publishing
Income: $50k
Astrological Sign: Virgo
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
I’ve recently started a nightly ‘How did I show up for myself today?’ prompt in my journal, where I list all the things I did that aligned with who I want to become. It can be something as seemingly small as ‘I ate breakfast,’ ‘I spoke up for myself in this meeting,’ or ‘I practiced my Spanish.’ It’s helped shift my mindset to celebrate my wins instead of just beating myself up for my shortcomings.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
Community. I’ve been struggling a lot mentally recently and am starting to suspect I have depression. I isolate myself in order to not bring the vibe down around people, but of course, that typically makes things worse and can contribute to relationships breaking down. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. I’m trying to get better about reaching out to make plans or expressing myself if I’m struggling, but I always feel like I’m invading. I feel happy when friends reach out to me without being prompted.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
My phone. I recently deleted Instagram, and I’ve kept TikTok under the argument that I’ll use it to promote my music, but I’m increasingly seeing and feeling the parallels between social media addiction and more traditional substance addictions. My dream is to bring back house phones with answering machines so I can disconnect all day and come home to check my messages.
When do you question yourself?
All the time. I’ve unfortunately sunk into a bit of a Shutter Island mindset after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship a couple of years ago, where I’m not only constantly on guard around others, but I’m also constantly analyzing my own actions and wondering if I’ll be perceived as manipulative. It’s really affected my ability to be present in all of my relationships, both romantic and platonic. I’m trying to learn how to trust myself again.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
Getting my dream job has done wonders for me. It took me many years to get my foot in the door in the music industry, and ironically, I was told I was hired for all the customer service experience I’d garnered at jobs I hated in the meantime. Now that I’m here, I’m so proud of what I do and excited to tell people about what I do. It’s exactly what I dreamed of as a kid.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
I actually have not forgiven myself for anything, ever. I struggle with perfectionism and feel immense shame when I act out of line with my values. I’m actively working on accepting my own humanity. I didn’t have a strong example of that growing up, but I’ve recently met people with healthier views of themselves who have inspired me.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
I’m learning how to forgive my mother for the relationship she has with herself. Growing up, she prioritized being a friend over being a mom, put me on a pedestal by putting herself down, and was generally inconsistent due to her own mental health struggles. It came from her not having a supportive or affectionate mother and wanting to ensure I did, but unfortunately, it forced me into a caretaker/mediator role very early in life and made me deeply ashamed of myself when I noticed similarities. I distanced myself from her a lot as an adult, which hurt her, and I’m trying to learn how to navigate our relationship moving forward while actively grieving the one I feel like I missed out on.
How do you ground/center yourself?
As cliche as it is, connecting with nature or animals. Once a year, I go on a little recluse trip, often to the beach or countryside. It’s very humbling to sit on the beach and know this ocean will be here long after I’m gone or to watch animals go about their lives and realize their days are spent fulfilling basic needs without any inner turmoil to accompany it. It makes you realize how little things matter in a liberating way.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
Friends. I cannot emphasize enough the power of female friendships. There’s something magical about girlhood and being able to exchange advice, laughter, and emotional support in such a fulfilling capacity. I’m so lucky to have incredible women in my life who’ve exemplified love, support, and growth.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
I’m at my best when I’m traveling. There’s freedom in the anonymity of it. I don’t care about the opinions of strangers, so I’m not as self-conscious, and that allows me to relax more. I also really enjoy learning and collecting experiences, and I think travel is one of the best teachers because it gives you so much perspective on different ways to live.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
The US healthcare system. Healthcare is a human right. I don’t understand people who advocate against socialized healthcare via taxes yet are perfectly fine paying outrageous premiums to insurance companies that basically serve the same purpose but with inconsistent coverage and fewer checks and balances. Healthcare should also not be tied to employment. Everyone should have equal access to affordable and effective healthcare.
What is something you know for sure?
I know nothing for sure; there is nuance to everything, and the more knowledge I gain, the more I realize how much I still have to learn.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
Consistency.
Respectful humor.
Financial literacy. I worry a lot about money, and I need a partner who has themselves covered long-term so I don’t have to worry about two.
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
I very rarely feel comfortable in my own skin. I have a million thoughts in my head at any given time and am debilitatingly aware of how I’m being perceived. I truly think I’m only comfortable when I have complete anonymity.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
My most recent ex was incredibly graceful when talking about his mistakes and his pain. He’s the most incredible communicator I’ve ever met and has such kindness despite a pretty traumatic upbringing. I tend to shut down if I’m hurt, and I hold a lot of resentment for my past. I learned so much from him. I hope I grow to be even a fraction of the person he is.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
I’m incredibly lucky to have parents who have both the means and desire to support me. My parents paid for my school and have given me free housing for most of my life. I would be unable to travel, record music, or save money if I had to fend for myself. It’s given me my entire livelihood.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
I actually don’t think there is anything I feel like I missed out on. I’m pretty good at forcing myself to do things even if I don’t want to in order to look back on the memories, and I’ve collected a lot of experiences that way. I do think I’ve missed my window of opportunity with skydiving. I’m too aware of my own mortality now.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Men who make me feel, in any capacity, that they are entitled to my body or that I’m making a big deal out of things when I express a physical boundary, no matter how small.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
A friend of mine told me once that I’m really good at noticing if someone in the room got talked over and making sure they get a chance to speak. I think about that a lot. I never want anyone to feel like their presence isn’t valued, and I’m glad I can create that space for people.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
Oh god, so many things. I want to be someone who communicates directly, advocates for myself, and laughs at myself. I want to be a homeowner who has an open-door policy for all of my friends to feel safe and welcome. I want to be half of a healthy, supportive relationship. I want to find a more balanced relationship with my mother and be a better daughter.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I’m gaining weight! I've struggled with eating for the last couple of years, so I’ve been focusing on increasing my protein intake and eating at least two meals a day. My hair is healthier, I have more energy, and I feel hunger pangs again.
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