Age: 40
Relationship Status: Married
Occupation: HR Manager
Income: $140k annually + 10% bonus
Astrological Sign: Virgo Sun, Aries Moon, Libra Rising
What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
I check my Gmail and delete all the junk mail (a very Virgo – and boring – thing to do).
Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?
It’s come in spurts throughout my life: playing basketball on the weekends with friends as a teenager, having brunch with my closest friends, whenever my husband and I have a meaningful conversation over cocktails and R&B, or anytime I’ve laughed ‘til I’ve cried.
What is your most repetitive, negative thought?
I’ve had generalized anxiety disorder since I was around 6 years old, and I have a daily, consistent thought of losing everyone I love. It’s a thought that also, unfortunately, comes up when I feel the happiest. Therapy helps!
What is your most repetitive, positive thought?
I’m a very thoughtful, reliable person who stands firmly on her beliefs.
What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?
How EXPENSIVE it is to stay alive!
What are three things you want to put every woman onto?
Try to date as much as you can when you’re younger. Get to know different types of people so you can learn more about yourself and what you like and don’t like. I used to always want a “high school sweetheart” or to be with the same person from youth to adulthood until I realized I would have very likely settled for someone who wasn’t right for me.
Learn to say NO. It’s a complete statement, after all.
Nurture your friendships regardless of romantic partners who come in and out of your life.
Rank the following from most to least important:
money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).
1. Laughter
2. Love
3. Money
4. Sex (perimenopause has an unfortunate chokehold on me nowadays)
5. Food
How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood?
My parents and I have a relatively honest, open relationship now. They were both very angry, stressed-out people when I was growing up and should’ve probably divorced. They’re still unhappy with each other, but they don’t take it out on me anymore. I see them as imperfect humans who raised a daughter who’s learned from a lot of their mistakes.
When do you feel most like yourself?
When I’m watching basketball or when I make people laugh.
What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?
I received two recent compliments that have stuck with me lately. I was talking to a co-worker at my last job about my anxiety disorder and how debilitating it can be, and she commented that something she admired about me was how I’m able to take my anxiety and make it funny. I never realized I did that, so that was pretty cool.
The second compliment I received was from a close friend of mine who told me I have no idea how emotionally strong I am and how much he admired that about me.
How do you feel about falling in love?
The “falling” part is chaotic, unpredictable, and can feel kind of uncomfortable. Being in love, though, is a real gift.
What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?
I hate toxic positivity with a deep passion. It feels insincere and shallow. It’s okay to be negative or angry sometimes or to feel pessimistic about a situation.
How often do you feel alone?
Not often. I have pretty rough health anxiety now that I’m getting older, though, and when something triggers me, I feel super isolated because nobody in my life has the same issue.
What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?
Sounds cliché, but “the greatest thing in life is to love and be loved in return.”
What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?
Sexual assault. Unfortunately, it changes your core for the rest of your life and is very unfair.
What is the best decision you’ve ever made?
I had an abortion when I was 19 years old, and it is, BY FAR, the smartest and best decision of my life so far. The boyfriend I had at the time didn’t want me to have one, but I was insistent. He cheated on me a year later and got another girl pregnant, so I saved myself from a whole lot of baby mama drama.
When do you feel most at ease?
Friday afternoons around 6pm (I have no idea why).
What does having a successful life mean to you?
This is such a great and difficult question. I’d like to think that being successful means you feel at peace with your past, present, and future. Contentment.
How often do you think about your body?
Every. Single. Day. I hate that I still do at my age. With that said, I don’t hyperfocus on anything specific now. When I was younger, I would hyperfocus on the dumbest things about my body – why my butt wasn’t bigger, why my arms were so long, why my feet weren’t cute, why my legs were so thick. I’m not self-conscious about myself anymore, which feels amazing. I just always think I could stand to be 10lbs thinner.
When do you ask for help?
Honestly? Hardly ever. I hate asking for help because I find that I’m never completely happy with something unless I do it myself. This is clearly something I need to work on in my 40s.
What is something you feel strongly about?
Standing your ground when it comes to your core values. What’s your foundation? Figure that out and always stick to it.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
This is the most successful I’ve ever felt in my life!
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