
Age: 29
Relationship Status: In a long-term committed relationship
Occupation: Service Manager
Income: $110,000
Astrological Sign: Cancer
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
My post-dinner ‘me’ time. I’ve showered, I’m in my comfies, I get to put on a show or read an article I’ve saved from the day, snuggle up on the couch or in bed, and relax. My day is filled with people needing things from me, and I like having a time when no one needs me.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
If I’ve been properly caring for myself, whether that be cleaning up my space, doing skin care and hygiene, or just giving myself a minute to relax, if I’m feeling burnt out, there’s no happiness to that. I’ve spent a lot of time working on taking the time I need to avoid the negative repercussions if I don’t.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
My phone. In the era of social media, I can’t seem to put it down. It’s a huge part of my work day, and then when I’m home I find I can’t disconnect from that. I know it’s one of my worst habits, and I’m actively trying to break out of it!
When do you question yourself?
Not often. I first started managing staff when I was only 21, and I had to be very self-assured, with a fake it till you make it attitude. I’ve kept that, and it’s done me well. If I can’t trust myself, who can I trust?
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
Having the right group of people surrounding me. I had an upbringing filled with physical and emotional abuse, and as I got older, I found myself gravitating towards “friends” and relationships with people who did the same. One day, it was almost like a light bulb switched on, and I realized that I didn’t want that for myself anymore. Since then, I’ve worked hard to stay connected with my friends. I have a lot of friendships independent of one another, rather than in a group of friends, and it allows me to get the best of every world from the amazing people I have in my life.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
For having an abortion. It’s a taboo topic, and one I don’t often discuss because it wasn’t a choice I felt I had much involvement in making. I was 18, and my boyfriend was physically abusing me; I was a shell of myself and in no way prepared to bring a child into this world. I blamed myself for not “trying harder” to get out of the situation and keep the child, but 11 years later, it was the best decision I could’ve made for myself and them, and through many moons of therapy and self-reflection, I’ve learned to forgive.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
Everything. I can’t hold on to the hatred that not forgiving people brings; it’s debilitating, but only to me. I will never forget the things that have happened or the way someone made me feel that warranted forgiveness, but I can just let it go and move forward while they remain where they are.
How do you ground/center yourself?
Talking it out, whether to myself or to someone else, helps me get out of one-track thinking and brings me back to reality and logic.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
My dog. The local humane society found her beaten and bruised on the side of a highway one day back in 2017. I had also just left a five-year abusive relationship and needed a true, unconditional connection, and there she was. We healed together, and though she was difficult to handle at times, she truly saved me from myself. Unfortunately, I had to put her down back in April unexpectedly, and life is a little more gray without her in it.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
Yes, in adulthood, when I’m with the women I love, whether it’s just one of them or a whole group, the energy that girlhood brings with it is special, and I feel like my best self.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
I fundamentally disagree that anyone other than you should have a say in how to live your life, or what you can/can’t do with your own body.
What is something you know for sure?
Only two things are certain: death and taxes. Oh, and there’s no way we’re the only intelligent life out there.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
A funny note about this ahead of my answer. A few years ago, after my last big heartbreak, one of my girlfriends and I sat down and decided we’d write a list of our must-haves for our next relationship. Soon after, she found someone who checked her boxes, and a few months after that, I found mine. The power of manifesting and having those things written down so you can’t overlook them really landed us where we were meant to be. I’ll jot down a few from my list in no particular order. PS. A sense of humor is always a requirement. I’ve got a big, loud personality, and I want someone who can appreciate that and enjoy the little things.
Makes me a better version of myself.
Mutual respect and honesty.
Willingness to put in the work a relationship sometimes demands.
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
Most of the time, honestly. I feel that I know myself at this age; I’m past the constant worrying and doubting and just allowing myself to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always struggled with my mental health, so I’m not always 100% positive about myself, but I sure do try.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
The ocean has always fascinated me, and every time I go snorkeling or diving, that’s reinvigorated. As for someone, my nieces. Seeing so much of their mother’s in them, while also seeing their own little personalities grow as they age is truly amazing.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
There have been a few sentimental gifts over the years, but most recently, on my last birthday, my partner gifted me a Polaroid camera. Growing up, my grandma took a photo of us with a Polaroid every time we visited, and I loved using it to take photos together, etc. I’d shared that story before in passing, and he remembered and gifted me one. I really treasure it and those memories with my grandma.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
A job. I thought it was my dream job, and I’d worked so hard to get it and never thought I would. I moved to another country to be with a man I thought was the infamous ‘one’, and I got the call that they offered me the job. I had a choice to stay with the man I’d just moved for and see if it was real, or go home to the job I’d dreamed of for years. I stayed for the man, and I shouldn’t have. However, if I would’ve left, I wouldn’t be with the man I’m with today or in the place I am today. I don’t regret my decision because I think that the relationship I stayed for would’ve been a lifetime of ‘what ifs’, but if I could go back and say yes, maybe I would.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
The way I care for others—a classic cancer trait. Once I’ve accepted someone into my life, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them, which makes for a pretty great quality.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
The world traveler. I’ve done a bit here and there, but I want to have the financial freedom to be able to just go and enjoy.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
Life’s good these days. That used to be a hard phrase to even imagine, but I’m trying to live in the moment because years ago I dreamt of this life and now I have it.
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