Age: 23
Relationship Status: in a 2-year relationship!
Occupation: corporate sales
Income: 70k
Astrological Sign: Sagittarius Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
I recently adopted a cat, so getting up to feed her starts my day now. On the days I work from home, I like sleeping until the very last minute, but now I have to wake up earlier to feed her first. I like interacting with her first thing in the morning.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
STAYING OFF THE INTERNET!!! I’m trapped in a bubble of brain rot and rage bait. I am a much happier person with less screen time (I’m saying this, but I don’t have the guts to deactivate any social media).
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
My parents. I’m living at home right now. While I’m grateful I don’t have to pay rent and can regularly enjoy meals with my family, I’m becoming more aware of my parents’ aging and how much they care for everyone. I’m so grateful for everything they’ve done for me. I just want to be more independent and feel like less of a burden to them. I want to be able to take care of them for once.
When do you question yourself?
All. The. Time. Trying to work on this.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
In my last internship, my manager gave me direct, honest feedback that fundamentally changed my perspective about myself. I was struggling with networking and speaking up during meetings, and I was debating whether I was even cut for corporate life.
My manager flagged that I was purposefully making myself smaller during meetings, like shrinking to the point of invisibility. She told me never to undersell myself. Even if I consistently put out good work, the reality was that I needed to be my own advocate.
It opened my eyes to how much (and how often) I was holding myself back from opportunities. I tend to put a lot of emphasis on the “work I do” versus the value I inherently have. Even if I had great numbers, what good would it be if I didn’t believe in myself?
I had and still have to do a lot of inner work to rebuild my self-esteem, but this moment made me rethink my relationship with myself.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
I had a terrible situationship during the pandemic. I was isolated and lonely, and the guy I was talking to said all the right things to silly ol’ me, who was desperate for connection and validation. I put myself and my friendships on the line for a man who did not give a rat’s ass about me.
When things went downhill, I lashed out at people who were genuinely concerned about me at the time. I used to carry so much guilt and shame around the way I acted; I was mostly disappointed in myself. Like, all of this over a man?!
I believed I was an unlovable, problematic person. I’ve since apologized and made amends with my friends, but I often think about some people I’ve lost touch with since then. I hope they’re doing well.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
My mom and I have (had?) a very fraught relationship. She loves me so much, and I love her, too, but sometimes it’s really tough to be around her. Growing up, she was the stereotypical immigrant tiger mother. I resented her for it, but I can’t imagine holding onto that for the rest of my life. It would only do me more harm, and I strongly value having a healthy relationship with my parents.
I learned more about intercultural conflict and generational trauma, and it allowed me to practice more compassion toward her and myself. I stopped expecting her to be someone who she could not be, the same way I can’t be the way she had expected me to.
How do you ground/center yourself?
Writing out my thoughts. Reading and thoughtfully engaging with media.
Doom-scrolling is terrible. It takes me out of reality and gets me worked up, but it’s so much easier than whipping the journal out and actually processing what’s going on in my life. Even with a dramatic flair, writing puts things into perspective.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
Therapy is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’ve been working on a more holistic coping toolkit with my therapist, and it has done wonders for my nervous system (and my heart)!
No amount of journaling or talking things over could calm my body down. I was not even aware of the reactions and things I was going through.
EMDR helped me get through one of the most challenging periods of my life and process trauma. I’m someone who intellectualizes and rationalizes everything, and after a certain point, I was biting my own tail trying to answer all the “why’s.” Sometimes there are simply no answers.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
Now. Things have been challenging, too slow, or too fast, but something clicked in my brain right before I graduated. I realized I needed to take more responsibility for my life and my choices, or else I would guarantee my own misery forever. I’m fortunate to be where I am today, but the system wins if I give into hopelessness and nihilism. Life is only just getting fucking started!! WAHOO!!!
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
I cannot wrap my head around people who say heinous things and then claim, “freedom of speech.” Freedom of speech should not absolve you from consequences. I do think “cancel culture” is bullshit, but people should bear the burden of social consequences for doing awful things and making the most vile, bigoted statements! Dialogue can be productive. The consequence does not necessarily mean censorship, either.
What is something you know for sure?
History repeats itself.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
Empathy: Seeing someone extend grace to others and themselves is super reaffirming. You can tell a lot about a person’s character based on how they treat and approach others.
Open-mindedness: First, I can’t be with picky eaters (is that too close-minded of me?). Second, I love learning and having open discussions. If they’re constructive, they help you develop your perspective and worldview.
Accountability: I appreciate a person who can set goals and boundaries, takes action, and is willing to apologize or own up to their mistakes.
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
Lying in bed in my jammies.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
My parents. They’re the eldest children in their respective families. They left their home country to build a new life here. My mom’s a small business owner, but she started as a teacher. The relationships she has developed with her students over the decades remind me of how passionate she is about her work and how invested she is in everyone’s success. My dad has done so much for me, too. He’s always been my number one supporter, and I spent most of my childhood with him. I see both of them in myself in many different ways. It’s very grounding to remind myself that they are human, too, and have worked so hard and sacrificed so much just for our family.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
In high school, my friends bought me the Sims 4. I have about 200 hours in that game solely in building and decorating houses.
Also, my boyfriend recently built and modded a custom keyboard for me. It’s a true labor of love.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
I wish I applied for art school when I was looking at different colleges. I had opportunities, but I told myself “No” for some reason or another.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Vaping or smoking cigarettes.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
I have a big heart. I care a lot about everything (sometimes to my own detriment). I definitely get this quality from my mom, and I love that.
I think it’s endearing to be corny and to be cognizant of corniness. I hate cleaning up after, but I love hosting events and taking care of my friends. I cherish everything. I love to write poetry about people and small interactions, or cards to my loved ones. I hope it makes them feel recognized and cared for. And, of course, I love feeling loved, too.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a writer. I’ve always wanted a creative career. I'm still figuring out how to make that a full-time thing—I just need to write first.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I recently got a raise, which is really rare for a new hire. I’m three months into my job.
My manager told me to be proud of myself because I’ve achieved so much in such a short time. I’m extremely proud of myself.
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