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#223. ballet, clothbound books & community gardens

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 26

Relationship Status: In a relationship

Occupation: Writing teacher

Income: was 45,000 but will be 60,000 in the new year!

Astrological Sign: Aries sun, Virgo moon, Sagittarius rising


What is the most important part of your daily routine?

Ah, I’ve struggled for so long to have a semblance of a daily routine. It changes so much that it’s hard to name anything that I do every day besides eating, drinking water, and going on my phone…


What is your current happiness most dependent on?

Harmony with my loved ones and stability (financially and emotionally)… I’m also generally a happier person when I get enough sleep and exercise.


What do you wish you were less reliant on?

Caffeine and social media! And validation in general. I’m so sensitive to what other people think and feel and often find myself feeling responsible for other people’s worries or anxieties. I try to make everyone and everything around me comfortable.


When do you question yourself?

In conflict with other people. I’m usually quite headstrong in my convictions when it comes to work and beliefs, but less so when it comes to interpersonal conflict and discord. I have a strong fear of being “in the wrong” but I’m working on that part.


What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

Starting up ballet again in my 20s. I was in grad school and in a new city after COVID and wanted a release from school and work. I started going to adult classes in a beautiful studio, with a live pianist and extraordinary teacher. I’m nowhere near “good” but I have improved so much and I’m stronger when I go regularly. I can look at myself in the mirror in class and truly feel beautiful because I have accepted that I will never be “perfect” at ballet but I do it anyways. It brings out the graceful side of me and connects me to my body.


What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

When I was a teenager, I was very depressed and my family life was very turbulent. My youngest sister had a severe medical illness and my parents couldn’t give my other sibling and I much attention. I wanted to be seen and I couldn’t contain all of the pain and hurt and drive and desire I felt. It drove me to obsessive, panicked fixation with achievement at the cost of my relationships and my own wellbeing. I lashed out at everything. I couldn’t have known any better, though. That drive has propelled me into adulthood and I have learned to soften up around the edges while also forgiving the earlier thorns I thought I needed to keep me safe.


What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

My dad, for our relationship when I was growing up. As the oldest child, he was exceptionally hard on me. I felt singled out because his expectations were very different from my other siblings and I had a chip on my shoulder for a long time. We recently had a few therapy sessions after our relationship came to a breaking point. I could understand for the first time that he had no idea how to be a parent. He didn’t really have a loving, supportive parent and his childhood was lonely and harsh. He did his best to be a very different dad than the one he had and I could forgive him for my own pain when I realized this.


How do you ground/center yourself?

A clean apartment, a nice warm shower, good, homecooked food and solo time to write and read or watch a favorite show.


What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

Animal crossing, lol.


Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

Dancing, finishing my MA thesis, or riding the train to work in the morning with a book and some sunlight on my face, in an outfit that I love.


What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

The way that AI, particularly Chat GPT, has been rolled out. As someone who teaches writing, I’m very afraid that we will begin to allow computers to do the very work that makes us human. I’m not entirely opposed to the use of smart technology to make our lives better, but writing, thinking, and analyzing? That’s what makes us human. A computer can never replace critical thought. It might mimic it, but the process of writing is intensely human and should be sacred. I fear for what happens when we forget that.


What is something you know for sure?

Keeping a garden is magic. Dance is for everyone. We should all read real books as much as we can. I guess that’s three things.


What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

  1. Respect

  2. Tenderness

  3. Devotion


When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

Freshly showered, in my pjs, with a facemask on and a cup of tea.


Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

So many people and so many times it’s hard to name even one. Every time I see a beautiful older woman on the subway, or I listen to a student, or I watch a ballet dancer warm up, or I go to a concert, or I talk to my mom.


What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

A Penguin Clothbound Classics copy of Love and Friendship by Jane Austen. My boyfriend brought it back from London for me less than a month after we had been seeing each other and we weren’t officially dating yet. He knew it matched my collection of Jane Austen books. I knew then that he was special.


What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

Doing a small conference presentation held by my grad school for theses. I felt too busy at the time, but it would have been good practice.


What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

Wedding-related events I can’t afford or prioritize.


What do you believe is your most attractive quality?

My resolve.


What/who do you want to be when you grow up?

The older woman in a former apartment building of mine who introduced me to the community garden.


BONUS: Tell me something good.

I started to make my own loose leaf tea this year!

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