Age: 25
Relationship Status: In a relationship
Occupation: Content Writer
Income: $55k
Astrological Sign: Taurus sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising
What is your first thought every morning?
That I should check my email. I’m querying my novel right now, and I guess I’m always hoping I’ll wake up to good news.
What is something you do solely for you?
I’ve decorated my condo very nicely, in a way that reflects my personal interests and style. A few years ago, I was in a not-so-great living situation, and envisioning how I would decorate once I lived alone brought me a lot of comfort.
What is something you dread?
Texts from one of my siblings. He only ever reaches out when he’s in some sort of rage, and they’re never great messages to receive.
What is something you are looking forward to?
I try to make sure I always have a concert coming up that I’m going to, that way I always have something to look forward to. When Covid hit, I promised myself that I’d go to any concert I want in the future as long as I could afford it, because I never want to miss out on anything again. This week I’m seeing Hozier!
When do you feel most accomplished?
Oh, god. This is where I have some deep-rooted issues. On paper, I’ve accomplished some impressive things, but it’s hard to feel celebratory because I know the suffering I endured in the process. Also, I’ve had this goal to have a published novel, and have been working at it consistently since I was a teenager. I’m proud of the novel I’m currently querying, but I’ve had no success so far, and it’s becoming incredibly difficult to keep going. I’m afraid I won’t feel accomplished until I can hold my book in my hands. That’s a scary thought, because at this rate, it may never happen. I also know that’s not fair to me, and everything I have accomplished. It’s hard.
What is something you regret investing in financially?
I don’t regret getting my University degree, but I wish I had taken better advantage of the resources available to me in my first two years. Covid hit midway through my third year, and all the great learning opportunities I thought I’d have got stripped away. I paid the same price for the rest of my education, but my CV was desperately behind those of students who graduated before me.
What is something you regret investing in emotionally?
I tied my self worth to my success as a writer at a very young age, and now I’m desperately trying to undo it. The only way to be in this industry and not go insane is by detaching your value from the rejections and criticisms you’re inevitably going to get, and I’ve yet to master that.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
Participating in your community. For me, that’s a queer book club I’m a part of. For others it might be Church, or tabletop gaming, or the gym. Your world will expand so much when you have a place to belong.
This is going to sound dumb, but I got one of those iO electric toothbrushes on a Black Friday sale like, five years ago. It shows if you’re hitting all your teeth, brushing at the correct pressure, etc. I didn’t have insurance for the longest time, and this helped avoid cavities and gum problems while I couldn’t go to the dentist.
The stupid little things that make life tolerable. You can pry my weekly $7 latte from my cold, dead, hands.
When do you feel most creative?
When I’m downtown in the fall, alone, with a coffee in my hand.
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
Not as often as I used to, but more than I should. I have a good friend who is very accomplished. I don’t resent her, and in fact, she’s one of the kindest, dearest people in my life. Sometimes, when I feel like I’m falling short, I compare myself to her with the “if she can do it, why can’t I?” mentality. But logically, I know that we are two different people with two different lives, and not everything has to be measured the same.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
Always having a backup plan. Granted, that was more a side-effect of my anxiety disorder rather than a healthy sense of preparedness, but it’s the reason I had a financial safety net when Covid hit and I lost my job. It’s how I could escape the crappy living situation. No success I’ve had is coincidental, and I have past me to thank for that.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
Someday she’ll get to truly enjoy the fruits of her labor.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
That my value to others depends on how useful I am. I’m very fortunate to now have friends who love me in a way that’s non-transactional, and a job that shows appreciation for my work without underpaying me or jerking me around.
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
I’m sure I have, but I can’t think of any specific examples. Everything seems so muted.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
I’m so, so angry at my brother for everything he’s put my parents through.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
Every week, me and two of my friends take turns hosting dinner for each other. Because of this, we’ve maintained a beautifully close friendship despite our busy schedules. I don’t feel particularly attached to my femininity, but when I’m with them, I feel glad for it regardless.
What is one interaction that changed your life?
In my first year of University, my aunt and I were going to carpool to our hometown for Christmas, so she picked me up from residence to stay the night at her house across town the night before we left. Before going to bed, she asked if I remembered to close my bedroom window, and I realized I hadn’t. She drove me back, and I felt absolutely awful because it was such a long drive, and she had already done it once that day. I apologized profusely, but she wasn’t mad, or even frustrated. That moment really put into perspective for me that in the grand scheme of things, small mistakes aren’t so bad, and it’s helped me be more gracious to others in my own life.
What is something you want to give up?
I’ve been trying to text my mom less when I’m having a bad day or feeling extra blue. I love her, and I know she loves me, but she has enough to deal with.
What is something you want to take up?
I’m trying to get in shape, not because I hate my body or anything, but because I want to feel more confident in what it’s capable of. Plus, I was notoriously unathletic during childhood, so I think it’d be funny if I went home for Christmas and was randomly super toned.
What do you believe is a universal truth?
“People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?” — Michael, The Good Place.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I love my nephew more than anything in the world, and despite the hardships he’s faced, he’s still the happiest little guy :)
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