Age: 47
Relationship Status: Divorced and single for many years
Occupation: Solo Esthetician Business Owner
Income: 65,000
Astrological Sign: Scorpio Sun, Libra Rising, Virgo Moon
What is your first thought every morning?
I am thankful for my warm bed and for a new day. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us.
What is something you do solely for you?
My evening hot bath. I am so ridiculously grateful for hot running water.
What is something you dread?
Losing my mom. I’ve already lost my dad, and the thought of roaming the earth without her is unfathomable to me. She has been my single biggest blessing in life.
What is something you are looking forward to?
Gaining more financial freedom. I hope that someday, we all get to experience a world where we don’t have to hustle for basic necessities.
When do you feel most accomplished?
When someone is in need (in any manner) and I’m able to help them. I feel like I’m fulfilling my purpose.
What is something you regret investing in financially?
Expensive designer clothing items. Such a short-lived rush. I wish I had invested all that money into a total market fund. I’d be in a much different situation now.
What is something you regret investing in emotionally?
Unreciprocated Love. It really screws up your self-image and damages your ability to recognize real love when it arrives. I wish I had been able to be more practical about my feelings when I was younger.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
1. Eating well and choosing healthy food
2. Learning new skills
3. Friendships and relationships with people who are truly on your side.
When do you feel most creative?
When I’m carving in pottery. I feel pretty creative most of the time, but something about the act of carving a pattern into a pottery piece taps into a very primal part of me. It feels very zen and transports me to another place.
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
Mostly when I’m scrolling social media and am seeing people who are in successful careers or relationships, it reminds me that there’s so much more I want out of life. Physically, I don’t compare myself as much as I did when I was younger. But since perimenopause, I’ve lost a ton of hair, and I do feel a very deep sense of grief when I see women with beautiful, full, long hair. I haven’t been able to wear my hair down in years.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
For having the courage to move across the country to start my own business. It has been the defining event of my life so far. I am so glad I did it and so proud of myself. I made it 10 years on my own and then decided to move back home to be near my mom in her golden years. I hope someday I will also thank myself for that decision because it’s been hard returning to my place of origin.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
I will continue to evolve and learn, and grow.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
That beauty is one of the top currencies in this world, and I have to conform to society’s standards in order to be loved. I’m unlearning it in the sense that I no longer care what society deems “beautiful.” I want to define that for myself; it goes deeper than physical appearance. I've learned to tune out the “societal noise”
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
Yes! So many times…Driving the California Coast on a sunny day, windows down music up….When I’m with my mom and brother and we all erupt into the laughter over something my brother said…. A purring cat in my lap…. Watching a sunset and realizing that everything is going to be okay.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
I’m hyper-independent because I’ve always had to be. I don’t know what it feels to relax into a partnership where you feel like someone has your back. I would like to experience having a partner with whom I truly trust their judgment. The feeling of knowing you can take your hands off the steering wheel for a little bit and you’ll be okay. Financially, emotionally and physically. I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve been the more responsible one in all my relationships, and it’s made me not want to be in them anymore. It’s easier to just take care of myself.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
When I’m wearing a dress on a warm summer evening. There’s something so utterly feminine about that feeling.
What is one interaction that changed your life?
I used to be really afraid to fly. On my first-ever flight, I was seated next to a very sweet elderly woman who noticed how terrified I was. She started talking with me and told me that her husband was a minister of some sort and everything would be just fine. I’m more spiritual than religious, but for some reason, her demeanor calmed me, and I believed her. When they passed out the snacks, it was a cookie with the brand “Country Preacher”. She winked at me because that's what her husband is. I tucked the wrapper into my pocket as a memento, and after we deboarded the plane, I thought, wouldn’t it be weird if she was a hallucination or an angel of some sort? I reached into my pocket for the wrapper, and it was gone.
What is something you want to give up?
Negative self-talk and self-punishment. It’s destructive and holds me back subconsciously.
What is something you want to take up?
I went mining for quartz crystals this year, and it was absolutely amazing. I would love to start taking trips to places where I could rockhound and mine for different minerals.
What do you believe is a universal truth?
That we all just want to be happy, cared for and loved.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I’m on a plane to California right now as I type this. It’s my favorite place on earth, and I hope to live there again someday.
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