Age: 29
Relationship Status: Divorced in my early 20s, and now engaged
Occupation: Software Product Manager
Income: $125,000 salary + 10% performance bonus + options
Astrological Sign: Virgo, baby!
What is your first thought every morning?
Shit, I should really get up earlier.
What is something you do solely for you?
Hot yoga. It’s been the most mentally cleansing practice in my life.
What is something you dread?
My forties and fifties. I have seen a lot of adults in my life hit these decades and face the reality of choices they made (or didn’t make) in their younger decades. Lots of regret and “what-ifs” in that timeframe. I really hope that each choice I make now puts me on a path of contentment and peace by the time I am that age. I dread the possibility of looking back and thinking otherwise.
What is something you are looking forward to?
My upcoming wedding! My fiancé is my best friend, and I’m really excited to be his wife. I’m also very excited for that moment when we look out over the dinner hour and see all of our loved ones gathered in one room. It will be the first time our extended families will be together.
When do you feel most accomplished?
Presenting for my job or attending industry events where I know a lot of the other attendees. I pride myself on the expertise and network I’ve built. Plus, I just really like my job. It feels good to be good at something.
What is something you regret investing in financially?
Anything with a loan in my early twenties. I didn’t have financial guidance from family members, and my ex-husband loved anything that could be financed. I just went along with it and loved having a better lifestyle than I had ever experienced growing up, but I wish we had planned more intentionally and saved for what we truly wanted instead of accomplishing short-term desires with loans and interest.
What is something you regret investing in emotionally?
I don’t regret a lot emotionally. I’m a really emotional person, but I find it to be one of my superpowers. I love very deeply, and I don’t regret that. However, if I had to pick one thing – my first marriage. I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I was happy when we were both growing into very different people who wanted different things. I wish I had allowed myself to see that earlier without thinking there was something wrong with me.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
Financially: a reliable vehicle. The peace of mind that comes with driving a reliable vehicle - even if it means a car payment - is so worth it for me. I grew up very low middle-class and my parents constantly worried out loud about money. Reliable vehicles were never a given; unexpected car repairs were major wrenches in annual finances. I am so proud to have my own reliable transportation now. (I’m a rural Midwest girlie; no public transit options for me.)
Emotionally: Female friendships. My female friendships are some of the truest loves I will experience in this lifetime.
Time or energy-wise: Traveling! Take your vacation. Plan the trip and go see something new (as your finances allow). It’s always been worth the time and energy for me.
When do you feel most creative?
All the time! I’m a very artsy, creative person. I scrapbook almost daily. I love thinking about how I will decorate my house and what DIY project is next. I see art in almost every part of my life.
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
Oof, all the time. I’ve criticized my own body and compared my body to others since I was in elementary school. I dislike that I do it, but that’s the cycle of beating myself up over my own thoughts that my therapist tries to get me out of (lol). I’ve fluctuated 80 pounds since high school and haven’t liked my body at any weight. It’s so much more of a mindset issue than anything.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
Every single step she’s taken to bring me to where I am today. Especially for making the hard decision to leave things behind. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
She will be very badass. She will garden in cool overalls and dress like a funky art teacher. She will be more unapologetically ‘me’ each and every year. I look forward to meeting her.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
I can trust my own beliefs and feelings without seeking validation from others first. My opinion should matter most to me.
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
Yes! In plenty of little moments. Mostly in my everyday life in the home I’ve created with my fiancé. Cooking dinner, drinking a glass of wine by the fire, listening to music outside. The simpler my life has gotten, the more joyful it is.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
I think my parents never should have been parents and that my sister and I will be in therapy for the rest of our lives because of it. I am very, very hesitant to ever become a parent because of the upbringing I had.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
1) Hot yoga. Those classes have proven that I am far stronger and more capable than I sometimes believe. Plus, the classes are mostly other women who are all badass. The energy is amazing. 2) When I’ve fully done my hair and makeup and am wearing a great outfit. I feel like a bird in National Geographic that has taken the time to preen myself or something – it’s the ritual of taking time for me, looking after my physical self, and picking what I like.
What is one interaction that changed your life?
Choosing to spontaneously be a last-minute wedding date with my now-fiancé, who was just an acquaintance at the time. We ran into each other at a bar and talked for a few hours, and he admitted that he was hours late to a wedding and had stayed just to talk to me. He asked if I wanted to join him at the dance, and I chose to go. We’ve been inseparable since; his partnership has put my life on a completely different trajectory for which I’m forever grateful.
What is something you want to give up?
Ugh, probably drinking less alcohol. It’s so ingrained in our culture and every activity, even though I know it’s not productive.
What is something you want to take up?
A sport that I can do with my fiancé! We’re into hiking and walking our dogs, but I want an intramural that we can do for fun together in our community. We’ve looked into curling or a bowling league - something slightly humorous or kitschy. It's even better if there are team uniforms.
What do you believe is a universal truth?
There is more good and love in this world than anything dark or evil.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
Soup season is back! I will be eating liquified food until next April, thank you very much.
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