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Writer's pictureDevyn Penney

#179. loss, learning lessons & being a single mom




Age: 31

Relationship Status: Divorced and in a BETTER & HEALTHIER relationship

Occupation: Executive Assistant

Income: I’m poor because my last job got the best of my mental health, so I’m part-time, and I love my new job (but I am also here for experience for my resume). I’m also back in school to get my bachelor’s degree…for real this time!

Astrological Sign: Cancer Sun, Cancer Moon, & Leo Rising (only a Leo online because I seem outgoing and joke around when really, I’m introverted and shy).


What is your first thought every morning?

I miss my dad.


What is something you do solely for you?

I would secretly write love stories; it was mostly to express myself and my experience. I haven’t done it in a while since I’m finally in a great relationship and not hopelessly romantic anymore. I want to get back into being creative and expressing myself, though.


What is something you dread?

Checking my bank account/credit score…it’s like checking your grades back in grade school when your heart beats all fast and you’re anxious.


What is something you are looking forward to?

Graduating University. I tried so many times to go back and ended up dropping out, but this time, it feels different. I can really see myself walking across the stage. Maybe it’s because I finally changed my major. Also, I’m looking forward to marrying/having a future with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. We talk a lot about rings, buying a house – he’s already making the guest list. This feels like forever.


When do you feel most accomplished?

Completing a workout. Let’s be honest, working out sucks. But we’ve got to look good/feel good! I want my body to be bodying!


What is something you regret investing in financially?

My car, rent, etc. I beat myself every day for not being financially smart when I had six figures in my bank account. UGH, I don’t want to think about it.


What is something you regret investing in emotionally?

My first marriage. I was a young, naive 21-year-old, marrying a broke E4 Infantrymen in the Army. I always regretted it because I could have just focused on myself, gone to school, graduated, and had a career of my own. Now, I’m “co-parenting” (if you want to call face timing 1-3 times a month co-parenting) with him and our five and seven year old. I don’t regret them, though; if only I could magically have my exact kids on my own, but later in life when I’m successful. They’re great, well-behaved kids; they make my single mama's life easy, and I am forever grateful for them.


What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?

(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)

1.      Traveling

2.      Self-care

3.      Spending time with family/Significant other


When do you feel most creative?

Late at night. Like, why do we always want to get our lives together randomly in the middle of the night? I haven’t been creative in a long time but want to get back into hobbies.


How often do you compare yourself to others? When?

A LOT! Especially with this one girl I know.  I secretly love watching her post on Instagram stories, and I always feel like, “Damn, I want that life; she’s everything I’m not.” I know we’re all on a different timeline, and we should never compare, but it’s always easier said than done.


What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?

Leaving my last marriage and moving on. When they say God/the Universe will bless you with big and better things, just know it’s true.


What is one thing you believe about your future self?

I’m going to live a great, comfortable life. People find it taboo, but once in a blue moon, I get readings (like tarot), and they always say the same thing, where I end up, I’m going to live a good life after struggling for some time. I'm not saying I need confirmation; I’ve always felt it.


What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?

Not asking for help. I hate asking for help; it’s embarrassing, and I want people to think I have my life together. I don’t know when I started thinking like that, maybe because I’ve been let down many times and don’t want people in my business/judging me.


Have you ever felt pure joy? When?

When I’m with my boyfriend, I experience new things with him and do family things with him and my kids. I’m grateful that he loves, accepts, and claims my kids as his own. I never thought I would find love like this, especially being a single mom of two.


What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?

I hate being broke. I’m not in crazy debt or anything, and I’m making what I got work, thank God. I know this will only last for a bit; everything is going to be okay.


When do you feel most in your feminine energy?

When I’m dressed up nice with makeup on, taking some bomb-ass selfies!


What is one interaction that changed your life?

Getting my first medium reading in 2020 after my dad passed (obviously against the religion I grew up with, but lucky for me, I’m not a religious nut). I was always scared about death because of the unknown, even more so when he passed away; I didn’t know what happened to him, but my dad came through, and I’m at peace knowing he’s fine on the other side and that we’ll see each other again.  Our soul never dies.


What is something you want to give up?

Social media, well, not entirely; I just don’t want to waste any more life mindlessly scrolling for hours or posting for validation. 


What is something you want to take up?

Classes like [solidcore]! I did it 5 times and died…in a good way. I want to not only take workout classes but maybe do something for my creative side, not be scared to try new things, especially by myself, and make friends along the way.


What do you believe is a universal truth?

I saw someone write, “Everything does not happen for a reason because sometimes terrible things happen to great people,” which I understand. But in my opinion, these are lessons we must learn; I somehow learned how to cope with my father’s passing, my hard, expensive ass divorce, and being a single mom of two. I always believed the universe put me through these things so I could be stronger, it sucked, but I’m grateful for the things I went through. I don’t think I was ever going to leave or make it for myself if my ex-husband hadn’t cheated on me. It’s a blessing in disguise; it’s your choice to either sink or swim. Failing was never an option for me, especially having two kids who didn’t ask to be here. Everything happens for us to learn.


BONUS: Tell me something good.

It’s almost 2025, which means…we get BTS back!

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